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This doesn’t seem to get easier

Posted , 3 users are following.

Solid
Solid

I posted a while ago about my anxiety and depression, and how I have contemplated suicide. I've gotta say that, for me personally, it hasn't gotten easier.

Since my last post, I reached out to places that many others have used as well. I even went back to my medication in hopes that the wait for counseling will somewhat suppress my mood until then. But thing's haven't gotten better.

My mood is still low all the time. Around friends and colleagues I might seem a bit quiet as always, or a bit shy maybe, but in my head I still feel like everything I do or say is just one negative after another.

I really want to help myself and get out of these depressive and anxious moods. Hell, I can't socialise without feeling like I need to throw up, or that my mood is bringing the entire groups mood down also. Without a doubt I hate myself, and I hate everything about me. I'm nothing special, with no contribution to anything. I would rather everyone else be happier and that I suffer the consequences, because I don't want anybody else going through this 'feeling' for what feels an eternity.

I just want this to end, whether I get better or cut it short, I don't care. Don't worry, I don't have the guts to kill myself, but I'd happily let someone be of assistance to my needs, just as long as they know it's what I want. I understand that's selfish of me, but it's easier than making it right for myself.

0 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • patient_mod2
    patient_mod2 Solid

    Posted

    Hi Solid,

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The organisations below can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen. If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to one of these organisations who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    There are several helplines in the US which can help you.

    They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;

    Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)

    and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

    Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.

    For users outside of the USA please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Kindest regards,

    Patient

  • joanelle72659
    joanelle72659 Solid

    Posted

    I have been where you are. It is grueling living with depression and anxiety. i finally found a medication that helped with my depression and a very supportive therapist. Life can be so hard. I'm a fighter, and I keep getting up every time life knocks me down. Don't believe the lies that depression tells you. Things CAN get better. You are important. I wish you the best, I'm on the same path you're on. Keep fighting for a good life. ✌️

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