This illness can be so cruel

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I can't believe this is happening all over again. Have been muddling along in a reasonably ok mood for nearly a year whilst still on 40mg flu.

Work are messing around with when i can go on redundancy. Last Tuesday morn they said it would be Sept this year, now they are saying up to June next year.

I coped with the initial shock of looming redundancy and various other problems that life throws at you but 'black Tuesday' knocked me for six.

My mind is still in lala land, no concentration and little sleep.

I really thought i was making progress with this damn illness but have dropped so far down now.

Will this happen with every nasty shock? or will it ever return to normality (whatever that is?).

Sorry to whinge but i really needed to vent. :? :x :cross:

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Meganpooch

    I remember reading your contributions to this forum about 12 months or so ago at which time I was also having a bad time. Like you, I have been muddling along on varying doses of fluoxetine (currently 20mg) over the last year and thought I was out of the woods. I have recently started counselling and that has stirred up all manner of emotions which I struggle to cope with. Last week my husband lost his job and I have plummeted into a deep dark abyss...not eating not sleeping, obsessional thougts etc. I have an over whelming sense of failure that I'm here again. Am actually considering seeing my GP tomorrow to discuss upping my dose. You are right. Depression is cruel and unless you have experienced it you cannot understand what it feels like to be knocked back by life stuff that other people take in their stride. Small comfort I know but you are not alone. We don't choose depression...no one would. We need to support eachother.[/img]

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  • Posted

    Meganpooch

    It's SamB. I'm not logged on. Not been on this site for months so thought i'd see whats been going on. Had a few dodgy days myself over the last few weeks.

    Just sending you this message to let you know i'll email you soon. Wish you'd told me how you were feeling. Thought you were doing okay.

    Sam x

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  • Posted

    Hi Emilys mum

    Thanks for your support, its much appreciated. Back to relative normality. I went back to my counsellor for a couple of weeks to vent and try and find an explanation why i dropped so far down.

    I know redundancy looming is a stressful time. It doesn't help that the only topic at work seems to be talking about this incessantly.

    Trust you are levelling now.

    Best wishes.

    :wink: :roll:

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  • Posted

    Oh well, relative normality didn't last long. Since last Thursday i've had an overwhelming desire to sleep, not the occasional lie in but until midday at least every day. Then when i am awake, i have no energy whatsoever.

    Went to the doc today as i am a natural born worrier and thought there may be some other underlying cause.

    Doc said that as i had no other symptoms it was most likely caused by stress at work and has promptly signed me off for 2 weeks.

    It feels as though my mind has shut down my body as a defence mechanism to any further damage.

    Has anyone else suffered this? The novelty has worn off now. I'm a year and a half into this illness and it still throws up surprises!! :? :shock:

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  • Posted

    Hi, going through a similar thing, been on 40mg since November last year and started to get better, i am still having problems in one area of my work, so i went to see our HR manager and asked if the company could adjust my role so i didnt have to do this task, they said they would look into it, one day later i get called into a office with the hr manager and my boss and get told heres a compramise agreement you have 5 days to decide we have set your termination date for the end of next week, if you do not sign you may end up with nothing and we will assess your ability to carry out your role, and we want you to go home now your on garden leave until this is decided and you are not to contact any one from work.

    I was so shocked by all of this and numb, by the time i got home and had to tell my wife and kids i had failed them yet again i was feeling worse than when all this started, i went back to see the doc and am now on 60mg of flu. i declined to sign the compramise agreement and am now having to decide if i should give them permission to contact my gp and counsellor for reports on my health, these would then be passed onto a hired specialist by my company for a over all report on my capabilites.

    All this has brought my depression fully back and i am now struggling to find a reason to carry on, not sure if i have the strenght to fight, they are making me feel like i am second class and am being punished.

    sorry this was a long one but i have now where else to say these things other than my counselling session once every two weeks.

    Muzleflash :shock: sad sad

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  • Posted

    Hi deskjockey,

    I am guessing that the place you work doesn't have a union and those that you work for get away with murder.

    I am no expert but I don't know if what they are doing to you is legal??! They are certainly not treating you with dignity or respect, which is what employers are supposed to be doing nowadays, and certainly should not be using your illness to put you in such a dreadful situation!

    You have not failed anyone, it is your employers that are failing you, BIG time!

    I don't know how you are set up and if it would help but I would be looking up legal advice. If you go down that route it may make things a bit ackward, but it can't be much worse than it seems to be just now! And then at least you would know, legally where you stand!

    I hope that it improves!

    Miss Jojo

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  • Posted

    Thanks, miss jojo, i am seeking advice at the moment, but not sure how it will all end up, haven't been feeling too good last few days, i'm back in that dark place where i was nearly twelve months ago, only this time it is difficult to pull myself back up.

    Work was giving me a sense of being useful and a sense of achivement again, now thats gone i have nothing, i feel so empty at the moment, maybe when the 60mg kicks in soon it will look different, i dont know.

    But thanks for your kind words

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