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this is how i feel everyday can anyone relate

Posted , 5 users are following.

johnny06301
johnny06301

ok for starters i always wake up feelling depressed even though this is nothing new to me it deffinatlly ruins my day and kina changes my facial expression.By that i mean having a sad face or angry face feels complettly natural to me its as if its my neutral facial expression. moving on before i step outside the door i kinda hessitate of fear its like an adrenalline rush but fear instead as i know the moment when i step outside ill get stared at and the thigh is no matter how hard i try to relax i always end up getting stared at and this is almost every person i walk past it makes me feel like a complete iddiot which i have no doubts i am. durring my moment of hell i somehow manage to get to school without having a heart attack which feels like a miracle to me. once i get nearer to the school i go through the gate that has the least amount of students hanging around as i know they too will juge me in a negtive way. once am inside the school building i quickly go to my close friends in this case yahiya and we talk which kinda makes me relax and feel ok but this oviouslly dosent last long as when the bell rings i get another adrenaline rush of fear as i have to go to form which is also another hell for me as every place with people i dont know or not close with is. so when the bell rings i make my way to form with a friend because i feel a little less awkward rather then walking by myself which i cant do due to the fact that people will juge me on how stupit or retarded i look or act. which pains me because am just scared. anyways when i finally get to form i feel terrfied because theres a lot of people their and i get this feeling that everyone there think am retarded which makes me feel extremmly nervous to an extent that i begin to sweat get a headace and my heart starts to beat as if i ran a marathon. the thigh that scares me is that everyone notices how retarded i look and ask if am ok which makes me even more nervous its like a never ending cycle of hell. and often when a teacher is explaining stuff on the board ill stare at the table as i am too scared that she also will juge me in a negative way if i have some courage ill look at the board for a few short seconds and look away but i often see people wondering why am staring at the table which then they make their assumptions on me thinking am crazy which is completlly false because am terrified to look at the teacher and others. this is typically what i deal with everyday and i cant take it.

3 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • chris14174
    chris14174 johnny06301

    Posted

    You're far to hard on yourself. Don't make eye contact then you will not think people are staring. You're unique and an individual and be proud of who you are. Some people are just cruel by nature.
  • lorna58764
    lorna58764 johnny06301

    Posted

    Hi Johnny I know exactly how you feel.... I was the same too.... But not much the staring as hard as it was I continued on with my day to show that I am in control..... An I know it's hard for others but by pressing forward you will get thru this an be  much stronger ......😊😊😊😊😊😊like Chris said don't be hard on yourself ......
  • archemedes
    archemedes johnny06301

    Posted

    When we are young it is not unusual for us to be shy and uncertain of ourselves.

    This can lead us to question whether we are normal or not.

    When no answers are forthcoming we can feel that people are judging us in a critical way, which makes us feel even worse about ourselves.

    The simple truth is that we are perfectly normal, yes maybe a bit shy or reserved but that should not be an excuse for us to be even more self-conscious than we were to start with.

    So what is the way out of this line of thinking, well for one thing it helps to know that whilst others might not appear to show it, it is likely they are very much the same as us?

    Granted there are always people around us who appear to be very self-assured, but how do you know that this is not their way of getting over their problem?

    If I am to give you any advice at all it is this, just learn to accept that you are perfectly normal individual, very much the same as everyone else, and focus less on what you think others might think of you, and more with just getting on with your life.

    Always try to find the positives and not the negatives.

    Positivity beats negativity hands down every time, so try to develop a positive approach to everything you do and everyone you meet, and when you do you will discover just how quickly your opinion about yourself changes.

    • johnny06301
      johnny06301 archemedes

      Posted

      thank you all so much for replying and for all your supportive comments and it just make me happy that you guys know how i feel.
    • johnny06301
      johnny06301 archemedes

      Posted

      i just wanted to thank you soo much for your reply and judging on how much you wrote and the quality of it. it oviouslly took you a lot of effort and honestlly i cant explain in words how much i appreciate it knowing someone like you cares. And next time am outside ill try to change my negative thinking into postives not gona lie its not gona be easy but ill deffinatlly give it a try. 
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