Posted , 4 users are following.
I'm a married woman with 4 kids, and I've struggled with severe depression since college. Most of the time it feels as if my body can't produce joy.
I love my husband and my kids, but I don't like the life that I'm living. I feel like this isn't my life, but my husband's life. We moved to his home-town after we got married and he opened up his own business here. We live in a house three doors down from his parents, and it feels like this is his life, not mine.
I have friends, a job, etc but I'm not happy. I feel trapped here. I want desperately to leave but I'm tied here because of my children. I'm also a devout Christian and believe in the coventant of marriage.
I've spent countless hours researching online what happens when a mom leaves her children. I know that it produces life-long effects for them and I can't bring myself to do it. Also, I don't know what I would even leave to go do. I don't know how much of this is my depression talking or if there really needs to be a change. More than likely I
would be just as lonely somewhere else. I feel hopeless and trapped.
My husband knows all of this and he really does try to help. I see a counselor and I'm on medication. I know that we won't move. My husband hates change and everything he knows is here, as well as our main source of income. I really can't imagine the rest of my life going like this. I feel as if I wasn't made to be a mother, and I want to leave.
Does anyone else see the rest of their lives play before their eyes and become filled with dread? Sometimes the grief of what my life is, is too hard to bear and I don't know how to make it another day.
0 likes, 3 replies
diane98246 jkt
Posted
Your situation sounds quite serious to me because of the fact that you feel trapped in a life that isnt your own in any way but rather your husband's life.
My sister in law went through the same thing.
Is there any way you could pursue a life for yourself while still married? Branch out and try to discover things that make you happy and invigorate you?
john55794 jkt
Edited
this seems to happen alot. woman tend to pick men favouring there work ethic and even income when they dont exactly have true love for him. there are alot pf divorces initiated by woman. when u pick income and a stable partner first you will find urself following his command. it sounds like uou are trapped for sure. its possable your medication isnt suoted for u and u just need to find a treatment for ur mental health but i dont know of thats the answer. maybe u do need a change even tho it could cause negative effects. u would have to get ur own apartment and be independent. me personally family and being so congested like thT is not for me. u will jave to experiment and see if living alone makes u feel better. can u try staying with a family member to see if that helps?
hypercat jkt
Posted
I completely disagree with John's reply as it seems clear you didn't marry for financial security but for love. I think that idea must come from a stereotype he has.
I can quite understand why you feel so trapped as it does seem you have slotted into a prearranged place in his life and have lost your own identity in the process. It's hard enough being a wife and mother without being subsumed by it as we women are always taught that we must put everyone else's needs first or we are a bad wife and mother and selfish.
You need to take your own needs seriously and find places where you can just be yourself. That could be in a work or social context, but it is vital you do this. Good luck. x
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