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time to put a stop to this life.

Posted , 8 users are following.

stephen7059
stephen7059

I've been dealing with depression on and off now for most of my adult life and I finally have accepted the fact that things don't change when your in my position so have given up on everything and am putting my plan into action for the end of my life. I'm not here for pity as I simply don't care anymore as I've genuinely tried to change my circumstances for the better for years. There is no way out of my predicament, I have no education no job and no way to retrain for a new career at 36 with no money. I've not eaten for 2 days and will be homeless by November. I've had no idea of which route to take regarding future employment for sometime now as I can't stand knowing my life is going to be spent on minimum wage in some warehouse for the rest of my days and it's like a massive weight has been lifted knowing my time here on earth will soon be over. No more pain no more disappointment no more lies to friends that I'm fine, finally I'm in control and it feels great that this is nearly over. My advice to anyone reading this is do everything you can when your young to enjoy your life because when you reach my age the party is over. Good luck to you all ill see you on the other side.

2 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • Di25
    Di25 stephen7059

    Posted

    Hello Stephen 

    just read this and I know how you feel I've suffered depression for over 25 years but had a breakthrough the last few months please don't give up I tried all medication but now on 80 mg fluoxetine which is high dose but only one that works 

    when your depression goes you won't mind working for minimum wage your whole thinking on life will be different try and give it another go thinking of you xx 

    • stephen7059
      stephen7059 Di25

      Posted

      Thank you for your reply and I'm so happy for you that things are looking up. Depression is a tough thing to deal with as people view it differently to an illness which has visible symptoms. For me my pain has been hard for a long time and now feel I'm finally getting control back. Take care and good luck with your recovery, I wish you all the best.
  • constance.de
    constance.de stephen7059

    Posted

    I've never known depression, thank goodness, so I can't help in any way.  But to be so disillusioned at your age is soul destroying.  And to think what you are contemplating is beyond me.  

    You say you have no education, but you write a good letter, you can express yourself well, etc.  To work on a mnimum wage is sooooo difficult, but so many have to do it, and can live reasonably happily, why not you?  The place you want to go to is, must be, even more depressing!!!!!

    Is there nothing that would make life worth living for for you?  Some charity work, helping people, listening to others?  There are worse things to put up with in life, children with life threatening illnesses, people living in great pain with only a death sentence in front of them.  They all want to LIVE.

    Please, please try and get help!

    • stephen7059
      stephen7059 constance.de

      Posted

      Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my comment I don't mean to alarm anybody with what I wrote, but I have made my decision and I'm at peace with what will happen to me. I'm always told life is what you make of it and believe me I've tried to make the most of a bad situation for along time but I've taken as much as I can handle and finally there's an end for me now. My post is here so others can take what they can from it and hopefully not make the same mistakes in life I have. My mind is made up and I'm sorry my view is frightening to you but for me it's an end to what has been a very lonely and dark ten years. Once again thank you for your kind words.
  • fee25
    fee25 stephen7059

    Posted

    Hey Stephen, 

    I'm really really sorry to see you feel this way, I'm no Psychologist and may be wrong but, it would seem to me that maybe you do care - even if it is on a subconscious level, which may be a factor for why you wrote this post. 

    I don't think that you should give up, I understand what a sweet release suicide appears to be and I'm sure you do feel comfort in your decision as you feel that it is an "answer" to your problems. There's more to life than money and jobs (though yes they are necessary) are you from the UK? You can apply for benefits and maybe instead on focusing solely on a job, start doing things you wish you had done, start mastering a skill - maybe you have always found photography interesting, or building things, whatever it may be - fill your time with a hobby and who knows, a career may follow from that. You have nothing to lose by giving it one more try, right? 

    • stephen7059
      stephen7059 fee25

      Posted

      Thanks fee 25 your comments are appreciated. Its something I've been contemplating for some time and I don't feel like I'm giving up, I feel I've given everything I can and it's not a decision I'm making without thought. I am from the uk and do claim benefits, which is something I'm not proud of as I feel a failure and that's hard to take. It's funny you speak of hobbies because photography has been a passion of mine for years but don't take photos anymore and can't seem to find the motivation to do anything about it. It's such a hard career to get into so find it hard to see that as a viable field, but maybe that's the depressive side of me admitting defeat who knows. But I feel content with my decision to end my life but maybe tomorrow will be different. Thank you once again.
    • fee25
      fee25 stephen7059

      Posted

      It is a hard career to get into but it definitely is not impossible by any means - I study media and I have worked voluntarily everywhere I could, starting as a remote researcher, then acquisitions, I even worked on embarrassing bodies for a few weeks and now I have a job operating cameras at a tv channel. It's all been unpaid and only my current job pays (minimum wage) but getting your work out there and getting involved in work experience/voluntary opportunities can and does work! I'm currently moving away so will not have my job for much longer, which means I'm soon to be unemployed hoping to find a new decent career - whether I will who knows but if you can muster up everything in you and push hard enough; with the support of those around you, I'm sure you'd get somewhere :-) 
    • stephen7059
      stephen7059

      Posted

      Sorry can't read your reply as sent to site moderator. Will reply once I can view
  • Di25
    Di25 stephen7059

    Posted

    Stephen 

    i know you're feeling in control but what about your family and friends you will leave behind ? 

    Why not see your gp one more time and show him this note or ring Samaritans I know how hard life is as I'm completely deaf as well as having depression for 25 years and now aged 50 life is just beginning you are so young although you feel your old your not 

    I think we have chosen our lives on this planet to learn from them if you have been in so much pain you are strong to get through it and don't give up the fight please give it another go x 

  • Di25
    Di25 stephen7059

    Posted

    Hi again 

    I think fee has found something within you that you did enjoy and you can do again photography 

    Dont be ashamed of claiming benefits as you say if we had a broken leg we would have to claim for illness so why not depression 

    really hope you change tomo 

    my self help was reiki got attuned to level 1 and 2 if you was living near I would give you some x 

  • Bendie
    Bendie stephen7059

    Posted

    Stephen

    Like you I have had enough but i am nearly twice your age. I have all the assemblage for self deliverance (as its so nicely termed these days)

    I struggle through terrible anxiety coupled with depression every day to a greater or lesser degree.

    I know that when it becomes unbearable I have that escape,

    However I keep on going because it's the illness and symptoms I want to kill not myself. Please seriously reflect on your decision,ask for help.

    You are to young to take this action.

    You must try to get help.

    You must carry on

    Their are good and wise people on this site who will offer help

    Please stay with us

  • patricia44773
    patricia44773 stephen7059

    Posted

    Hi Stephen, hope you are stll with us.

    I know you don't see it this way now, but life is a gift...a very precious gift never to be repeated.  We are here only once and we should try to make the best of it.  Behind all the ugliness, the pain and cruelty, there is beauty and purpose if you are well enough to look for it.

    Most people can do this, but if you are ill with depression you cannot do it without help, whether it be medication or counselling.

    I have been where you are now, and I am so glad that someone saved me from taking my life.  I have had awful times since then, but I have had so very many special, magical, life-changing experiences too.  It's hard to look into the future when you are in the hellish place you are in now, but I promise you the future is there for you, not a dark tunnel, but the sunshine as you come out of the tunnel.

    I hope with all my heart you are alive to read this because I can't help crying for you.  And if there is noone else who would grieve for you...I would.

    Pat

  • stephen7059
    stephen7059

    Posted

    Thanks everyone for taking the time to help with my situation and for leaving me encouraging comments. My mind is still unchanged but I have decided to give myself a couple of months to see what happens regarding finding a job and resolving my pending housing crisis. I am going to pick up a camera again for the first time in along time ( thanks to Fee) and see where my creativity takes me. I will try to remain as positive as I can as I was not expecting such kind people to give up there time to help me anyway they could. I feel I owe you all and myself that much. All my love to you all
    • judith35831
      judith35831 stephen7059

      Posted

      Well done......there is another way.....please don't give up! What hope for anyone if you go...you are a lovely person and it would be a loss if you went...36....that's no age....hang on...get that camera out now....thinking of you.....keep posting on here....we do care...and thank you for caring too....every best wish
    • fee25
      fee25 stephen7059

      Posted

      Really glad to hear this Stephen! Seeing the world through the lens of a camera is usually the best way to see it! Wishing you all the best, we're always here for support whenever you need it! smile
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