Tired

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So sick of all this, almost 4 years on - total hysterectomy. Thought I was feeling better which was a cruel trick from Mother Nature . Nausea, achy joints, terrible fatigue, anxiety, depression, health anxiety, spaced out, racing heart, palpitations, tummy troubles, thin skin, dental problems, thinning hair, the list goes on. Feel worn out , lethargic all the time, can't sleep without diazepam, racing thoughts of doom and gloom - no HRT . Am i ever gonna feel any better ? If not I don't want this any more, im fat and ugly and most of all I hate myself and hate my life like this - it all feels crap and what's the point if this is it !

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  • Posted

    Louise

    Im glad you are here, and know from being on this site that there is love and support comin your way.

    How old are you?

    You kinda summed me up there in your post if it makes you feel any better.

    I have few openings in my mood where i feel kind of normal, and im so happy for the 6 hours that it lasts, then back down again. Cruel joke right?

    YOU can not hate yourself. It is not right, because you will get through this. 

    It isn't the whole big picture. You need to just look at this like its 'what is' at the moment, or day or month, but it will change. 

    I have a very hard time doing as I say, but it just will get better know this.

    I understand the symptoms too. I dont even bother to post about anything in particular because its NON STOP.

    One issue then it becomes another and its is all a blur. Fatigue heavy lethargy and anxiety all mixed together.

    Fun times. I actually get really p****d off sometimes but mostly sad and scared for my kids wellbein becasue they are used to a pretty upbeat happy funny fearless mother who has been reduced to a teary eyed wimp with no coping skills, no zest for life. Its freaking heart breaking.

    Dont lose hope though. That is all I can say. Keep posting. I try my best day to day, but i tell ya, its pretty touch and go 4-5 days out of the week.

    XXXX

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply im 55 now and have been in this hell since my surgery, immediately thrown into it at a rapid rate , im sorry you're suffering too . I feel like I'm dying I really do - my body feels like it's packing up and any minute now I'll have a heart attack through all the stress . I have plucked the courage up and made a doctors appointment for next week but don't know where to start ! Ive just changed surgerys due to my last doctor dishing out diazepam to shut me up - all it does is knock me out , he didn't care and didn't help me, im screaming out for something but don't know what. Im terrified xx

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    • Posted

      It is such a helpless, horrible feeling when you know that you dont have the where with all or the ability to fix yourself alone and the tremendous vulnerability that we face.

      I had an appt with a doc (whom i work with p/t)

      I gave him 4 pages of my thoughts, research, symptoms etc. screaming for help. He told me, "its good you are you advocate but you cant do it yourself. So we are trying things, hormone panel, (i have another issue that has really caused problems for me and thats the MTHFR mutation)

      so he prescribed a few tests and methylated vit. B for me to start next week.

      We have to find that person to help us. so can your obgyn help? Can a functional medical doctor in your area help you? There will be someone that can put the pieces of the puzzle together.

      Its 

      in layers, your condition you know what i mean? I will speak for myself, but what im saying is that we have so many goings on in our bodies, and prior to the hysterectomy you were probably better equipped to handle the rough health issues, but this tipped the scales.

      Our sleeep, our gut and our hormones are PARAMOUNT to balance.

      Since i dropped into this depression paralleled with no period x 6 months, my life has slowly deteriorated and im hanging on literally.

      I have to take it layer by layer...what happened first, what am i taking, what are my Sx, how long has it been going on etc. We have to be our own detective. Ive been consumed by trying to help myself.

      I dont even know if the doc is going in the right direction or thinks im cookoo so goes along with what I want. I dont care at this point, i have to do what it takes to regain myself or im not in it either for the long haul. I say that seriously. I cant do this forever, and so i understand your pain.

      I dont know where you live, but maybe it will take going outside the box to find someone even via skype or phone medical consult, this is very possible too. It may be what i end up doing or moving back to where i dont want to go nor my boys, but to save me actually.

      I wake up this morning

      blasted aching head (normal) so achy and filled with dread for i have no idea why...fighting mentally to feel normal, is futile. I have so little money for what my kids need, and im cleaning houses, and working at the clinic, doing what it takes alone..no partner, very few people i deal with because i dont want to be around anybody. My life has been taken away.

      So i could go on, but i wont. please dont give up..you will get out, and me too.

      XXX

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    • Posted

      Dear Louise

      sorry your going thru such tough times, this meno thing came as a shock to me, I'm getting so much symptoms it's difficult to think about it anymore, some days I feel like I'm dying too. I know just how you feel. I get tearful, put on lots of weight which I'm trying to shift now, from a size 12 to a 16.. I don't want to look in the mirror at times.. Last few days I just argue with everyone for no reason, saying hurtful things to people that care about me, I'm getting really stressed, so I know just how you feel. A simple thing can make me turn into a very unreasonable person, stressing and crying and arguing.. Please hang in there and look for the few minutes that you have some peace from this situation and just enjoy the few minutes. That's what I'm trying to do. It's a stressful times in our lives, just know that this forum has saved my life, as we all know we are not alone and we have reached out for help with people who are feeling just like we are... 

      Don't lose hope, hang in there, eventually it shall pass and we will emerge stronger.  I'm hopefull, even tho at times I feel doomed. 

      Kadija

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  • Posted

    Hi Louise, would you consider going on HRT? I went on this a few weeks ago and I noticed a easing of menopause symptoms.  You could try a very low dose? it certainly helped me... I had some of the symptoms you described... 
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    • Posted

      thank you yes I would consider HRT, I asked for it after my surgery but was told " oh you don't need it because you're 51 ( at the time ) and you'd go through it now anyway " ! Also I have terrible migraines and he told me I'd probably have a stroke - I wish I could have something , anything apart from diazepam to shut me up and wipe me out . This isn't living , it's a constant fight to keep going xx

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    • Posted

      I think you do need it.  It made a big difference to my life.  If one doctor say's no.  Go to one who will give this treatment to you.  I am just starting out on my HRT journey.  Trying to find the dose and type that suits me the best.  The short few weeks I have been using it has made such a difference and I intend to use a small dose for life if possible...I believe it improves my symptoms enough to continue longterm use.  I currently take Estradiol in a gel form.. I rub it on my arm first thing in the morning and it has improved my menopause symptoms considerably.  I actually got mine while on holiday in Spain and I did not need a prescription, so I stocked up... I intend on looking into Bio identical HRT and will get all my bloods done at some stage..if something improves my menopause symptoms I'm going to take it.. You should def consider it..I am 48 years..look for a doctor near you that is more understanding to your needs. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Louise: I completely  understand you. I had my hysterectomy with ovaries removed when I was 41 years of age and I went into a complete body shut down with severe depression and anxiety. I have been on hormone replacements therapy sense. It's saved my life. I am now 54 years old and it seems that my body decided to go through a second type of menopause. I am currently readjusting my hormones and doing fairly well. However, I just don't know what I would do without taking any hormone replacement therapy.  It makes me very sad how physicians simply think that all women should be treated the same way. There may be some women that go through surgical menopause and do fine without hormone replacement therapy, but there are many of us who have severe complications and need to go on something.  Please consider it if you can. 

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  • Posted

    Oh Louise I feel for you 

    Why can't you have hrt ? 

    Or  hysterectomy I know it's the last resort but it sounds like you've got to that point 

     That's not my best friend had done 

    X

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    • Posted

      hi , I was told because of my age and migraines I could have a Stroke so basically put up and shut up - was given diazepam which knocks me out . I have an appointment next week with a lady doctor but don't know where to start xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Louise you are like my mirror image exactly the same I feel exactly the same with exactly all those symptoms and feelings I am 51 and have two teenage boys I know I'm not the same anymore hate it I don't take anything except a multivitamin as I'm worried about side effects (health anxiety ) I feel for you but it's also good to know that I'm not alone sending love and hugs please keep in touch 😔😩xxx

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    • Posted

      Hi nanette, so sorry you have similar symptoms . Ive taken all the supplements , Feraglobin, cod liver oil, vit B, Menopace , everything and nothing helps so I gave up, plus I don't know what im doing because nobody helps me to make any decisions. Where to start and what to do, scared xx

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  • Posted

    Louise all I can see here is a lovely lady who has expressed her feelings and made her first step to do something about it. You are not ugly you are not fat . I know I can't see you but that doesn't matter. Your heart is pure and you are a strong lady to put on here the way you are feeling . Know there is others feeling exactly the same some a lot more suffering . Don't let mother nature win and come back fighting that's my moto . Life is too short and we are the strongest of the species . So let's all fight this . It will be hard sometimes . We are all in it together so let's help one another with remedies and hopefully will get through this love to you all x

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    • Posted

      thank you so much for reply but I feel bad , so bad I conquered my anxiety and made an appointment with a lady doctor for help, I can't go on like this - yes life is too short but at the same time this is no life it's an existance of dragging myself through each miserable day, same old same old - if I don't get help soon I feel like I will just collapse one day I feel so weak, im fighting to live and feel better - im not old but feel like I'm 100 and will keel over soon, sorry to moan - just want help xx

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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear u are feeling like this. We are all here to help.I am feeling much the same to be honest I am post menopause and 58 .I can only explain how I feel by saying I have been taken over by aliens. I have put on so much weight feel fat and bloated all the time.I have lost all my spark and everything is a effort. I spend many nights awake till 3 in the morning restless and anxious. My body feels like I hAve been hit by a truck and I worry there is something terrible wrong with me .I have always had health anxiety but it's worse now. We can only try and embrace the good days and learn to love ourselves again . women have so much to do being wives mums daughter's and friends sometimes we need to step back and care for ourselves xxx

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    • Posted

      Poor you, im the same - if I don't take diazepam im pacing the floor all night , now feel I can't manage without it . My doctor just wanted to shut me up and get rid of me and that's the truth. I wish I had good days but it's the same every day - if I go out anywhere I feel like I will collapse I feel so weak , im constantly checking myself for lumps and other symptoms because with all this stress something's bound to happen to me, it's all just so depressing - I feel castrated and ripped apart, there's nothing left, except another miserable day to look forward too xx

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