Tired of fighting my own mind

Posted , 7 users are following.

I've been depressed for so long I can't remember when it all started, my  negative thoughts are torture and opress me everyday to the point that they are stronger than me. I don't know what to do or what the solution is as I have been diagnosed with Depression and Bipolar Disorder. I am taking 75mg of Sertralin, 1200mg of Gabapentin and 40mg of Lurasidone everyday. They keep me fairly stable but I still have racing thoughts, I feel worthless, like I'm never going to get out of this hole of depression. Like I don't have the coping skills to live life since I can't handle change. I want to drop everything and just drift off to sleep hoping that it will all be over that way. I cannot handle all the things life has thrown at me. I am lost, vulnerable, scared, alone, feel void and empty of any meaning. I don't even know why I exist if I am dirt and worth nothing. This is my struggle everyday, I don't look forward to life anymore. I can't handle life, I don't have the skills or know how to get them. I'm too weak. People tell me to stay positive and stay in the present but it's so hard because I don't like my present. Coupled with the self-defeating thoughts, I am living a nightmare. Please help.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    I feel exactly the same, well quite nearly. I feel p*ssed off each time I wake up. I'm not lonely but I am alone does that make sense? I do not fit in here. I too have that void of nothingness. And if there's not that most of my mind is racing thoughts of darkness and anger.

    I'm thinking of you and sincerely hope you have better days to come.

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    • Posted

      Thank you nick34171, I appreciate you writing me. My heart leaps at the thought that someone else like you also feels the same way, it makes me feel much better to know that I'm not alone. You're not alone either. I understand how dark the mind can get, it's terrible but I wish you the best, I really do. Thank you for your sincere thoughts.

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  • Posted

    Valeria

    If you are at anytime Suicidal contact NHS INFORMATION LINE on Tel 111, they will triage and arrange some help

    You need to discuss all your Depression and Anxiety with your GP so make an appointment. Make a list of your problems and fears, do the same with your Anxiety problems. There are medications He can give and various other treatment Plans.

    A course of CBT can help and they will introduce you to a course in Relaxation Techniques, they use Mindfulness, there is an explanation in Related Information.

    Try Breathing Exercises as well, sometimes they can reduce Anxiety and return you to a functional state. Look in the same section as above.

    If you familiarise with above it will give you an edge and you will get more out of these treatments

    BOB

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    • Posted

      Hi borderriever, thank you for your reply. I currently see a Pyschiatrist and I used to see a therapist but to be honest she didn't give me any tools to deal with my situation. I do yoga and that helps but it's not enough to tackle where my mind wanders too everyday. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you.

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  • Posted

    From my observations i would say you are clinically depressed and need meds to stabalise your moods and thinking so that you can get some therapy and talk through things in a logical and rational manner. Depression is real and it is not a game. As someone who has been depressed and come through it and live with a bipolar person then get regular help whether you like it or not. Medical practioners are trainer to help so use them. It is not unusual the react the way you do and have feelings the way you do. Meds will only help you so far you must make the effort to work through your pain and suffering with loved ones or a trained doctor. i remember one health visitor saying to me dont try to discover how deep the hole goes and try to fix yourself because you end up in a worse condition. You have to deal with what makes you FEEL as you do. Mental illness is real and if you dont respond to treatment then say good bye to quality life. 

    so what sort of help do you want and why.

    Medication should stabalise you. so what you need is some one to talk to to challenge your thinking and feelings so that you can grow into making sense of your life.

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  • Posted

    Tablets arent the answer, neither is paying someone to prescribe you advice that just treats your issue and not solve it, treatment makes more for others while you are left without a cure. Life...is not about just you, it's about us...the fact that your post has triggered responses from people just like you, who feel what you feel shows in itself a connection, just relating to your issue shows how we arent alone. Be real. Love all. Give thanks for what you have, there are many who dont have as much.

    Ps. The true medication is in the Herb

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  • Posted

    Hey Valeria78613 I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I've been feeling depressed for 16 yrs since I was 14 with no real relief. I take Zoloft when I'm feeling really down and it works a little. The thing that has helped me most is pushing myself, forcing myself into the world know matter how I feel. I hate it but I know the only way to get a new result in my life is to stop doing what I've been doing and try anything new. Whats the worse that could happen besides continuing to feel like this.

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