Tired of social anxiety

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Hi, I have been married for a year and a half now and we are currently staying in a cottage on my inlaw's property. I suffer from social anxiety. I struggled with this arrangement in the first few months and my doctor suggested we get our own place asap. Because I didn't want to pressure my husband financially, i thought I would try and push through. Due to my anxiety i just cannot relax in this setting and having them just a stone throw away from us I find myself constantly aware of them and also not wanting to think anything badly of me. So I try hard. This puts so much pressure on me. About 2 weeks ago I had a bit of a breakdown. I am at a point now where I don't want to face my inlaws let alone my father in law ( he can be quite intimidating ) Although they have been good to me all along, I just don't have the energy. I have become very withdrawn now andoing am Even at a point where I don't want to make any new relationships in my life especially from his side of the family. I realise that this is selfish but I just can't. I am back on my meds for two weeks and am waiting for them to start working Has anyone else experienced something similar? Just wish I was normal. .

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  • Posted


    I had something very similair when I was living in a family home I purchased from my Father, the only difference in my case was we had a great deal of grief from family members that lasted right up to my sixty year birthday. Eventually after several crisis and a great deal of nastiness. we moved away and disapeared from everyone in my family. We now have a new life and a lovely house in a country cottage.

    It is generally best I suppose to look for our own homes where we do not feel beholding to family members, even when they are nice people who we think the world of.

    All I can suggest is you consider a target to aim for, your own property will make you unbeholding to your Husbands side of the family as it seemed to my Wife she would never feel that house would never be both of our property as several restriction had been instilled on the Deeds

    Personally I do not know if this is part of your problem if it is then you need to consider the purchase of your own home as soon as possible so you can make your own way and not been reliant on one side of your husbands family.

    This may not be the case, all I can say is the best way of achieving happiness is to make your own way

    At this time I d not know if something else will placate your situation and how you will be able to make your own future at this time, that adventure is in you and your husbands hands

    Keep a hold

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your comment borderreiver. I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife struggled so long and am happy that you have finally found some peace.

      My husband speaks of getting our own place early next year, which isn't too long to wait but the fact that I've hit breaking point now makes it seem like eternity Nevertheless I just hope that my medication will kick in soon so that I will be able to manage the remaining time we have to stay here and not ruin my relationship with them.

      Thank you again ando best wishes

      Thank you again and best wishes

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  • Posted

    I know how u feel. I've just started a new job and on the 2nd day I felt quite comfortable in my own skin but yesterday I felt very awkward around the staff. I'm a pizza delivery driver and the job is all men but I often feel really out of sorts around them. I often think I feel quite intimidated around them. Once I'm on the road I'm absolutely fine. I'm ok around some of them.

    So it leaves me feeling really inadequate and that I may be taken advantage of cos they can see I'm nervous.

    I hope ur partner supports u fully especially around and in regards to his father. It's hard isn't it. When ur judged on ur talking skills. Knowing or not knowing how to apply your talking skills.

    I'm on paroxetine and quetiepine for anxiety.

    Hope this helps


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    • Posted

      Hi Phil thank you for your response, it's great to know that there are others out there who have the same fears and thoughts as I do. Sometimes one can almost drive yourself crazy with all the thoughts our minds are bombarded with. I know that feeling of being in a new job and not feeling comfy around some people. It takes time to get used to those people. Also knowing who you are as a person sometimes used to give me comfort. I used to think; if they are are stand off-ish or if they poke fun at me they are immature and need to grow up.. Buuut still constantly having to remind oneself of these things can be draining.. and I'm my case now my inlaws are good but I just can't feel at ease with them.. I am feeling a bit lighter today but that's probably because my husband is home to hide behind. But tomorrow it's back to normal...

      Hope you have an easier week Phil. thanks again

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    • Posted


      Tonight again I seemed fine around them. Dunno if it was cos some of the people there yesterday were not here today. I chatted with one guy about teaching while we're were making up the boxes. Maybe that set me at ease cos I got to see he was a nice guy. I think it's the guys who are a bit gangsta-ee or too cool for school who I can't read.

      Anyways I can imagine in laws can be scary. Should be called outlaws lol.

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    • Posted

      I know that feeling. Where I worked there was a click of 'cool' people and I always felt edgy around them too. But glad you made a friend and hopefully the others will turn out to be okay. Try not to put too much presure on yourself and just do what you need to do.

      Lol re outlaws. I think my meds are starting to work.. Today has been okay so far. My mind is more at peace.

      Hope things get better at your work

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