To little to late ironic

Posted , 6 users are following.

Well I guess sometimes you have to be careful for what you wish.

I'd like to make clear I'm not worried nor sad about the ongoing events maybe a little disappointed I couldn't find the strength to fight before but that irony for you

I took 160 co-codamol a week yesterday in order to end my life things got to much to bare most of you will understand that statement

I was up all Sunday vomiting etc but hey I woke up right bonus! Lol as I said I had the day from hell still wanted out that day and so didn't go to the hospital

Monday I wake up more rose from the flames infact I found strength beyound my wildest dreams I was ready to take the world on if I must I started the ball rolling and it feels awesome knowing I'm being taken seriously my evidence has strength and can not be dismissed I'm taking it by the horns and wrestling it down to the ground I felt unpowered still do too lol

Fastward to Wednesday I start to feel stomach cramps etc not sick just cramping I'm a man right did it it'll go away lol well it's not infact it's got worse over the days and been constant yesterday it became to much to ignore and I thought gosh I best get something to sort this pain out it's not shifting so I go to the Drs explain what I did a week ago etc turns out I have have Done my liver in.

Not really sure if it'll get better or if I'll get any transplant options as yet haven't really spoke about the options if I'm honest

I guess I accept that if I go I go it's a consequence of my actions and what I wanted at the time.

So I'm not sad I don't need or want pitty my message is simple to you all and I hope you take it for what it is

I think now I know the meaning of life my wants are simple it's the small things that count the things hidden behind the motive hidden behind the methods

I wanted to take down the system I wanted to show the injustice ironically I found the strength to fight them all but may still lose the fight funny how that works right?

Now my wants are not so much thinking about what people have done to wrong me now my wants are so much more personal and important now all I want to to survive long enough to see my little girl

That's the meaning of life it doesn't matter how hurt you are what people have done to you you have to let it go to get the smallest but most meaningful things ya know

Ironically it may be a lesson learned to late I hope not but who knows

Maybe that's it maybe when you learn the meaning of life why we are here the lesson that we all need to learn maybe you go then like a mission accomplished kinda thing

Oh I know what your thinking your thinking this guy has given up right? Your so wrong I'll fight until my last breathe ya know but the difference is I don't care anymore what my ex has done it's not important alls that is important to me now is to see my baby

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  • Posted

    I or got to say if anyone is thinking of overdosing please consider what I learned yesterday first that being

    If you do wake up if it doesn't end it all that night you possibly will learn what I've learnt and it all becomes superfluous to get revenge or justice

    The thing is you can die weeks later in pain it starts with one thing such as your liver then progresses slowly and painfully until you have multiple organ failure that's the reality of the risks we take

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  • Posted

    U know the liver repairs itsslf and has the ability beyond wat we excpect xxx youve still got ur fight & i guess i know wat u mean by irony but my mums drank 50 yrs heavily and daily her livers close to chirrosos shes 71 & it can b dun thts all im saying. Wait n see. Yr gunna see yr daughter i just know it & u cn let yr emergy out in the gym tonite know thts yr way xxx big hugs . Mand xxxx

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  • Posted

    why try top top yourself in the first place???? people say its brave well i think its gutless take a few pills then woosh all your troubles go away,for you yes but theres alway reprecussions 4 the people you know,i know some1 that killed themselves not long ago and leaving 2 kids to sort stuff out,and 1 of the kids found her ,bet her lifes awsome now,not saying depression is good as its a lonly dark place but to end it thats even darker,
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    • Posted

      Well Gary I think when some tries to commit suicide there are a number of factors to be considered there personal life experiences the fact that at that moment in their lives that's the one and only solution to the problem ( we are talking about a mental illness) you have no control over how your brain works so I find it flippant ignorant and just well stupid of you to make a comment on your personal thought process on the idea allow me to explain to you as it's clearly beyound you comprehendtion that suicide is most certainly now gutless infact it's the most ballies thing you can do people that don't understand that normally are the ones that have no balls and are to frightened to take the risk you see when you do something knowing that if you do it your not going to wake up that takes some doing yes I'd agree it can be a selfish act and it every others as I said it's a mental illness and your not thinking as you should all you see is pain followed by more pain not forgetting the side order of pain you top that with the constant table changes the thoughts racing through your head at a thousand miles an hour then at that moment Gary you beleive that that is the only answer your mind convinces you of it you can't help what your mond does like take for instance the fact your mind just made you comment a flippant comment that's going to make you look rather stupid ignorant and judgemental on a situation you know absolutely nothing about to anyone that reads it do you see what I'm saying

      Good luck understanding your reason for being here I think you need to try to be a little more open minded and understanding to benefit from the site just because something doesn't suit you or your channel of thought does not mean people are wrong to do things it's a illness you act out of desperation consider yourself as educated now

      Thanks for your comment

      Mike

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    • Posted

      Unfortunately gary when ur in that much pain im really sorry but u feel thats ur only way out. At that moment u feel the worst uve ever ever felt & u feel ur illness affects ppl around u so much that ymthey would b better off without u. Thats the nature od depression and anxiety wen so severe!!! Ive been there n hope u dont ever have to x

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    • Posted

      so by the sounds of it you have some flare there m8 good on you,i wanted to rattle your chains abit and that ive done,you are stronger than you think and by the sounds of it your clever as well,im very open minded and understand ever so well how life and depression gyrates and causes such problems at time,just death is so final,i had a break down not long ago never told any1 just went through the motions ,it was horrible but never thought i kill myself,how would that be for my kids and family,now if theres no1 there to grieve 4 you then its your life,but how do you not know that further down the line you would come out of it??????? lifes hard i understand that,some people say this is hell and when you die you go to heven,you are a strong person m8 more than you give yourself credit for,you deffo have some fight in you ,you just need to learn to use it for you benafit and not against you(mentaly wise) i reacon in life we would get on well ,any way stay strong and keep fighting the fight and if you feel like doing somthing again message me as it would be ashame for this world to loose some1 like you
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    • Posted

      Hi Gary again

      Please don't confuse my answer as temper I'm the calmest person anyone will know my response is that of one as not to add distress to anyone reading this post and maybe thinks I'm contemplating suicide you say to someone in that state of mind your gutless they may well want to prove you wrong

      After reading this next comment I see your intentions may well have been good or have a hidden motive behind the words although as a stated I'd already found the strength to fight that's what the post was about I think the second post is more of a realisation of what you said and maybe acceptance it may not of been the best answer you were capable of and therefore an apology which if that's the case it's accepted and accepted well

      Don't get me wrong I love your passion and how against suicide etc you are sometimes I also understand impulsive behaviour some times you can type things or say things out of shock or disgust that's ok ya know everyone is different but please try not to label someone as gutless again if they are contemplating suicide it may very well have the reverse effect you wish it to have

      Let's put it to bed now anyway and move on from it

      I hope you find the site useful and the reasons you are here are covered and you find some light at the end of your dark tunnel

      Wishing you well

      Mike

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    • Posted

      ive had many an argument about what i belive and dont belive and im very highly opinunated and belive in what i belive,wether it be right or wrong but never would i want some1 to feel like they should do them selves in,lifes to short were only here for a short time so i belive in why ended it sooner than it should be
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    • Posted

      Exactly. Everyoned opinion is valid as long as it doesnt make a vulnerable person worse. Hope you get wat im sayin hey As most of us aren',t strong as others. Wishing u well xx

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    • Posted

      I don't think there is a right or wrong Gary everyone has there beleives and opinions that what makes us individuals it would be a sad world if everyone thought the same right only one style of car one type of food etc your believes and opinions are never wrong ya know they belong to yourself sometimes there's a way to put them across better than others is what I was saying I often say to people opinions are like arse holes everyone has them and should keep them to themselves lol although that wouldn't work on a site of this nature lol

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    • Posted

      I'm replying to Gary here - I agree with your post re: suicide. It is a selfish act, although the person who opts for that route is usually not thinking straight and is drowning in pain/sorrow/worthlessness. But the results of such an act are permanent and cannot be undone. BTW I have never seen a comment recieve 9 likes in two years of visiting this site. I'm making it 10.

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