To surgery or not to surgery

Hi,

I have had hemorrhoids for years and I'm sure you all now how annoying they are. I'm 38, normal weight, if that matters. I had my first thrombosis a few years ago. I had no idea what it was so just let it ride. It was what seems to be a connected internal and external hemorrhoid. Sorry for the detail, but clots broke out from inside and out.

Fast forward a couple years, I got another thrombosis on the same spot, I think. The ER took out the clot but didn't do a good job. It clotted again and another doctor told me to try suppositories. That made it worse. I ended up having a thrombosis and a prolapse that wouldn't go back in on it's own. I had surgery (not hemorrhoidectomy) where he massaged the area back in and took care of the thrombosis. It was a pain and I believe I had bleeding for a week or two. Supposedly, this surgery was nothing compared to the full hemorrhoidectomy. 

Over the next year or so until now, off and on, the internal one bleeds after bowel movements, and comes out a bit where I gently push it back in. A lot of times clots will come out, too.

A couple weeks ago, I had a thrombosis (new area) and a proctologist fixed it. The thrombosis occurred after a soccer game. I was fine within days. He told me to make an appointment to have the internal one banded.

A week later I was back in the doctor after my next soccer game. I had taken 2 weeks off from soccer after my latest thrombosis. The doctor saw no thrombosis and sent me on my way. After the following weeks soccer game, I was certain I had a thrombosis again! The doctor had me cancel the banding and set up for a hemorrhoidectomy.

Now I'm terrified. I've read horror story after horror story. Right now, I'm at the end of a case of incredible itching and some discomfort but do I really need surgery? I feel like the pain would suck but I could get through that. My fear is the longevity of the post op issues (pain, leaking, bleeding, pooping myself). There are some hygiene issues with the external one. Like I think I said, the internal and external are connected (even says the doctor after exam). He also said the external is more of a skin tag. But, it gets in the way of wiping. I had been using creams for 2 years out of fear that I'd have a thrombosis. I've stopped using creams (only a week or two). I have some discomfort sitting. I can sometimes feel that I'm sitting on the skin tag. But is that worth getting surgery? If the skin tag are gets irritated that bad after playing soccer (and I don't intend on quitting), do I do surgery? Should I just get the banding done and see if he has non surgical options for the skin tag?

I'm due to have the hemorrhoidectomy mid day on Tuesday. I feel like I always make the wrong decision on if I should or shouldn't have something done. Had I just had it done a couple years ago, the chance is still there I still had a new thrombosis a few weeks ago, right? Why am I getting surgery? I am terrified of getting the surgery done and terrified of not getting it done. 

Please help.

Thank!

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