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Hi every one again tonight I've hit the wall lacking the ability to see past my problems
I tend to not want to think about thinks but they just pop in there anyway. I like to think o understand why etc.
The good thing is I don't feel like killing myself but the scary thing is I tend to plot meticulously in great detail how to get revenge on those that have wronged me not in a physical harming way but in a way very deprementral to their lives.
I have figure out several full proof plans and am struggling with the thoughts of why I shouldn't carry these acts out I tend to surprise myself with the way the plans are so full proof and I worry about it I kinda scare my self I can't go to the Drs and explain it in fear that they will be thinking omg he's really thought this through and it would work I'm not an evil nasty person at all although I am really struggling to find a good reason I've found myself reading the bible etc in search of help in the theory of turn the other check but found I prefer the old testimont and am more an eye for an eye I'm worried if I tell anyone they are going to put me away or something and I fear that would make it worse I see the people that have wronged me walking round without a care in the world and I'm stuck in a rut because of them I fear I'm full of resentment and I'm not sure how I became capable of having these detailed thoughts
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