Today I am work off sick. Why? I'm not actually "ill&q

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Today I am work off sick. Why? I'm not actually "ill" (in some people's eyes), it's because I cannot be bothered. Today, is a beautiful sunny day where I am, and I've closed the curtains and curled up under my duvet. Why? Because it depresses me that I can't be bothered to enjoy it and it doesn't make me feel great like it used to.

Today, I finally said enough's is enough. I admitted to my partner (while crying my eyes out), that I can't be bothered to go to our dear friends this weekend (I can't be bothered to make conversation); I told him I don't want to go to a fancy do in May (I can't be bothered to look for an outfit, because come May I don't know how much more weight I will have put on - I look awful as it is now and I'm ashamed). I told him that I didn't want another child as I don't have the energy to look after our beautiful 18 month old son that we tried 9 years for, and to have another one with the way I feel would be cruel! I also told him that even if I wanted another child, I didn't want sex. I cruelly told him that if he wanted to leave me for another woman he could, because I've convinced myself that if this feeling carries on, he will go elsewhere. He was shocked and hurt. He even cried with me. He said I am beautiful and that I'm just tired after having our son and also grieving for my dad who died a year ago. He said that's 'normal'.

But he doesn't see my hair down the plug hole after I've washed it, or my patchy, flaky skin on the floor after my shower. He doesn't hear me in the night when I wake with terrific pains in my hands and arms. He doesn't hear the thoughts in my head when I just want to run away. He doesn't see me crying during the day when I look at my little boy having to play on his own, because I'm too tired to get my increasingly large bottom off the sofa to have fun with him. He doesn't see me fall asleep on the toilet, or on a few occasions at the wheel of my car!

Today I told my mum that I couldn't go on (I feel bad at that because she's only been a widow a year, HOW SELFISH AM I!).

Today is the start of getting myself sorted - I never even considered I may have an underactive thyroid!! (to be honest I used to think it was an excuse larger ladies used who couldn't stick to diets - sorry, there's offense meant there). Today I needed to know what might be wrong, so I went on the Internet and typed my symptoms into the search engine(tiredness, numbness, no sex drive, weight gain, etc)and this website came up. I've read every single comment. I don't know whether I am happier knowing that there maybe be a diagnosis and that I'm not going mad or becoming a manic depressive, or unhappier now knowing that if I am diagnosed with an underactive thyroid, how difficult it can be to manage this even with treatment.

This is the nearest thing to how I am feeling, so I hope you understand why I have gone and on and on. I hope some of you relate to it as it's been good to get it off my chest, and will push me further into getting help. My doctors appointment has been made. Thanks for listening... and keep well! x

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  • Posted

    I am glad you found this group ,hope you read this most of us have felt like you,please visit tpa-uk.org.uk and have a good read,I now its hard and your concentration is not very good [another sympton]and you may feel like a dumb blonde!but its a very good site,try to get onto there chat room it helps to be able to rant without every one thinking your going mad ,hope this helps lol.:ok:

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  • Posted

    No your not alone..I have also found this site tonight and although everyone feels like their moaning its good to share your symptoms etc; and know your not going completely mad.

    I have just read and responded to 48 I have found I have gained something from every story.

    I am going back to the doctor and will ask to see a specialist.

    I have had an Underactive thyriod since I was 12 in 1959... but it wasnt diagnosed until 1978 when I went to live in South Africa. Different things work for different people so its trial and error I suppose.

    I find I feel much better in the sun and bright daylight and for being warm.

    My syptoms have got bad after coming back to live here six years ago, but I always feel much better in the summer when its warm and bright.

    Cereals ,bread, rice and starch in general make me feel very sluggish, I try to stay off all the above,I can control my weight by eating protein , veggies, salads and fruit. I do eat Ryvita and the odd piece of cake and I generally have a healthy diet.

    good luck

    lynn

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  • Posted

    Today ... you are so right. I too have found this website today and for the first time I think I may be actually amongst people who understand and that maybe, just maybe I am not going completely nuts! I have had exactly the same feelings as you towards my marriage - it's because we don't like ourselves and therefore we don't expect anybody else to like us - added to the sheer exhaustion! I have my appointment with endocronologist in May and hope to god that I get a final diagnosis. I am so fed up with feeling ill, fat and tired and so flipping weepy! I too don't want to go out. My children are 15,12 and 9 - I make the effort for them. They are my saviours. And work - it knackers me but I throw myself at it.

    Diet - forget any fads and gimmicks. No carbs after 7 and look for GI diets as they make healthy sense and my feeling is if the weight isn't coming off at the moment at least I am eating healthily and that must be good! Plenty of water - 2L a day not including tea and coffee. Try Roobosh Tea - sains and all do it - no caffeine or tannin. Porridge in the morning - with tsp pure fruit jam. I try to avoid sugar and sweeteners if I can.

    Good luck.

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  • Posted

    This is the best description of the way life is experienced with an underactive thyroid that I've ever come across. It really is a 'can't be bothered, don't care' life before treatment, and that's just one aspect of it. We just seem to put up with all the physical discomforts. It's a wonder we ever get to the doctor for a diagnosis when we feel everything is so pointless and we have no energy for even thinking.

    I'm so glad you bothered to go to the Doctor for a diagnosis. I even hope, for your sake, that the diagnosis is that you are Hypothyroid, because once you are taking daily replacement thyroxine you really will gain a new lease of life and will be able to enjoy your family again and life in general, and will look and feel so much better.

    Good luck and let us know the outcome. While you are waiting for the thyroxine to kick in you could use the last few days of lounging around to do Sudoko - it will sharpen up your brain again for all the new and exciting challenges to come! And you'll probably never lounge around again in quite the same way so you might as well make the most of the last few days of inactivity!

    :lol:

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  • Posted

    I was so sad reading your experience, life really sounds hard. You've made a good first step going to your GP. Stop feeling guilty it's not your fault. If your thyroid function test does come back normal you need to consider that you may be suffering from untreated and undiagnosed post natal depression. This is a totally treatable (curable) condition. Good Luck and I'm sure you'll reach a stage where you can get pleasure from your long awaited son.

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