Too logical to commit suicide?

Posted , 5 users are following.

So, for more than half my life I've had what feels like a persistent dark cloud over me. Like I am constantly on the edge, waiting for the depression and anxiety to have a go on me. February this year I downed a load of over the counter medications in what I thought was an attempt at ending my life but i saw the logical side to it and called the ambulance. But even after that, I think about ways i could successfully end it on a daily basis. I honestly don't feel like I was meant for this world. I struggle every day trying to live a normal life when all I want to do it stop existing. I can't talk to anyone about it because I don't want them to have to worry. I feel like I'm struggling to breathe every single day and I've become a pro at hiding that. How does one have a normal life when they feel completely hopeless and worthless?

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  • Posted

    Hi Bellaathome

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

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  • Posted

    I honestly couldn't have written my thoughts & feelings better. I feel the exact same way but I have a constant knot in my stomach & a constant feeling of dread. Sounds awful saying I'm waiting for something bad to happen but that's because something always does happen!

    You seem very articulate & you explain how you feel extremely well. I do think you'd benefit from speaking with someone because it's such a lot to handle alone & that makes it 100x worse. I get that you don't want to worry people but family & friends that love & care bout you wouldn't want you going through this alone. Even if you don't want to speak to them maybe a your doctor or MH professional? Whatever you do just know you're not alone this is a battle many of us fight every single day, I know it's exhausting & draining & soul destroying at times but you're still here for a reason.

    Who even knows what normal is anyway?! I know more people with some kind of MH issue than people without, it's just finding ways of coping that's important.

    Always here if you want to talk x

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  • Posted

    i am sorry to hear that you are going thru the same sh*te as me.

    i cannot help you in any way.

    i have the same question you ended with... HOW?

    maybe you feel less alone knowing i am out here suffering the same miserable existence as you and battling to breathe and wanting to end it all but having that desire being overridden by logic.

    i can only wish you and me ... grace and peace

    Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.

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    • Posted

      Hi IamAnna

      We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

      If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

      Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

      If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

      Kindest regards

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      so sorry that shte is considered swearing. i never use bad language here - the present use of shte being my first and only aberration.

      i apologise sincerely and in the unlikely event that a bad word creeps in in future, i'll be sure to remember to use ******* s, but i doubt there will ever be a recurrence as the use of foul language is not my default.

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  • Posted

    Don't do that, Bellathome. I've been there, I've suffered from lifelong depression myself. I'm 64 now and I've been where you are many times. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, all depressive periods eventually end. It may be a year or two between bright spots, but it will come. Trust me, I know.

    Your life is too precious to snuff out. Even battling the darkness I bet you've had moments of joy and you can have many more. You could be just days or weeks from a really great time, don't make the mistake of assuming things will never change for the better.

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