Total meltdown

Posted , 16 users are following.

Don't know what's happening to me. I am 12 weeks post operation on second knee and today I went shopping with my husband. Everything was all right and I was relatively pain free but somehow because my husband kept fussing and asking if I was feeling all right I completely lost it and we ended up having a big row and coming home without any shopping done. Then I have spent the rest of the day crying for no apparent reason. I told my husband I am fed up of being held back because he says I need to take it easy. Also so sick of everyday being about knees. It Is 12 months since my first operation so feel like for the past 2 years all we have discussed is my knees. I just want to be back to normal. I know my husband is as baffled as I am and wonders what life has in store for us next. Does anyone else feel like this ? X

1 like, 17 replies

Report / Delete

17 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    I get it Joan!

    I NEED a double TKR and my hip but I'm scared and putting it off.

    The past 7 months I'm in chonic pain, i can't enjoy anything and keep thinking it'll go away...but it doesn't. MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE REVOLVES around the pain in my knees and i CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE yet im not doing anything about it!

    At least you Joan have taken the biggest step and had the surgery. You're only going UP from here!

    So let it out...its cathartic.

    I've been sitting home all summer doing nothing..i mean NOTHING.

    You're the winner Joan...keep fighting the fight.

    Maybe one day I'll have the strength you do and finally get my knees fixed so I'll have the future you do.

    Keep a stiff upper lip...GOOD JOB JOAN

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you David. The operations were fine and I am glad I had them done so don't you worry about that. Keep in touch and let us know when you do have it done. The support on hear is second to none. We will all be here for you. Bless you for cheering me up .x
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Think this is not unusual - as I said in another post it's like our whole identity and life is dominated by 'the knee' only today I wondered if I will ever stop saying ' mind nannys knee' to my grandson. I don't have a partner so see you as lucky but also hard for him to understand and he's only trying to protect you. Seen other blogs like yours on here the past five months. Just hang on in there - that's all we can do. Tomorrow is another day. I am trying to psyche myself to think my leg is normal but of course it is not! All we all want is our life back and for most it will happen - just need to stay on the roller coaster until it slows and we can get off. Even though I live alone I've had a meltdown just solo! It's does us good to release tension. Be kind to hubby - good luck and at least you saved some money - shop online next time!
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Joan, I think what your going through is normal. I'm 8months after my TKR and I can remember how tearful and down I was at your stage. I need my other knee done badly and feel I havnt felt much benefit because of the constant pain.

    Hang on in there you've had both yours done and a lot of my frustrations were being expected to do too much house work etc, and not greying any help. I'm 53 and just want my life back.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    OK so youve had a pity me day Right what to do about it. You know the cause and that cant be changed So go see your GP You may need a short (very short) course os antidepressants.

    Is your pain management under control? Are you resting/sleeping enough? Is your diet OK? 

    Husband do fuss its their job and he is concerned about you. I know he drives you daft with "are you OK" "can you manage that" " Is that too heavy" and the rest. He is caring for you LET HIM It makes him feel useful

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I know what you mean about everything being about the knee(s).  I think that everyone is fed up with hearing about mine.  They just expect that you have the operation, 6 weeks off work and then, hey presto, everything is OK.

    You are lucky to have a husband who cares so much about you, but we do also need to stretch ourselves a bit...with the right encouragement.

    I struggled with my first knee, until manipulation 5 months afterwards, and am now facing further surgery on my 2nd knee in Sept (a year after TKR), so knees have been my life for almost 3 years (and that's without the pain for years before).  I live alone unfortunately.

    it takes it's toll on us mentally, too, and is so tiring.  Just take a breather and I'm sure you'll feel better about it in a couple of days.  Your husband was probably quite shocked at your reaction, so he will need reassurance too.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Patsy

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    It is sad that we take  our frustrations out on our husbands, partners, they mean well, but dont understand,  I hope tomorrow you will feel better and you can both talk and start again,  I had my first knee done  four years ago, my second knee just nine weeks ago.  My hip done before either,  so I understand, it seems to be the topic of conversation. But I know deep down everyone is just caring for us,  some people don't have that,  you will feel better, good days and bad, but it's worth it I promise,  take care. Jackie 
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    YES!!!! I'm 18 weeks post op bilateral TKR. I know my thoughts have been dominated by my knees since they were done. I've have more hysterical meltdowns than I can count. I feel sorry for my husband, but I can't help the obsessive feelings i have. I went back to work at 13 weeks po. That has helped a little. But in a word YES I understand!
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Joan

    I'm 21 weeks post TKR and have been exactly where you are with the public meltdown (although mine was my first ever panic attack, screaming, crying, struggling to breathe...at a train station, it wasn't pretty).

    I am 36 years old, back living with my mum and unable to get into work everyday. I'm waiting on an MUA and adesiolysis surgery in 2 weeks. Leg is still considerably bent and painful. This leg has taken over my life, I don't know what I used to talk about before this. It's all anyone speaks to me about. I know they all mean well and care but it does get me down.

    I spent a few days last week in London to see a show. It was amazing to go into a shop and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a handbag, I felt almost normal.

    The way you describe your current situation sounds normal to me. I think we'll come out of the other side eventually. I'm looking forward to it as I can't remember LBK (life before knee)...I'm just hoping I have enough patience to get me there.

    In the mean time try to take some time each day on your own to vent to yourself or scream...I've found it now helps me not to take it out on those closest to me. I also explained how I felt to my mum. She's been brilliant all through this and she now avoids talking about my leg, unless I bring it up.

    No easy fix but you're not alone xx

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Ahh ,I no what you mean, I'm ten weeks post op, and about to have the second one done, and already, I'm sick with it being all about me, we all I think just want things to go back to normal, I quite often flare up to my husband( I blame it on being part Italian ) luckily he's very laid back, and takes a lot to bite back, but I no I would if I was him, but even the rest of the family and friend, always say should you be doing that, or. Here let me do that, I'm 54, not 90, and I still have to have the other one done next week actually, I no we shouldn't wish our lives away, but I can't wait for it to be this time next year, when hopefully I'll be sorted. Why don't you let your husband see the replies on here, then he will see we all turn in to stroppy what it's from time to time, it just seems to be another thing that comes with the territory . Be happy.😀 x
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Joan I would say to your and all the Husbands, Wives, or partners to look at this forum, and a lot of what post op. members are going through would become self explanatory when they describe their situations.

        Me I find that when I am feeling a bit  low and can't sleep in the early hours I just quietly get out my  Bagpipes and give it what for, it never fails to cheer me up,even when I am playing a dirge..

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    You are not crying for no apparent reason. You are crying because you are fed up with talking and thinking about your knee and just want to be back to normal.

    I asked someone once if she was alrgiht and she said "Why shouldn't I be?"

    Maybe this would be a better response than just getting upset, though I know it is difficult.

    Hoping this will all settle down for you both.

    Sarah xx

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Perfectly normal. I could quite easily lump my husband when he decides what I can and can't do but he has been a true rock doing all the cooking etc if only he would clean the bath out !!!
    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up