Trouble with keeping things in perspective?

Posted , 9 users are following.

Everything seems like a big deal now.  The smallest things bother me.  I know it’s the peri and anxiety, but I can tell I’m annoying to other people.  I feel this way especially at work, like I’m not as good at my job as I used to be.  I don’t have the career that my parents hoped I would, or I hoped for.  Nothing seems good enough, like somehow I missed out on life.  I used to be so hopeful and now it’s so hard to try to do better.  It doesn’t help that I work with college students who make me feel old and slow.  I can’t seem to get a healthy perspective on my life anymore.  Anyone else?  I keep thinking I can just push through this, but I don’t know how much longer I can go without getting professional help with my anxiety.  It is ruining everything.

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  • Posted

    Hi Liz...

    You're not alone with dealing with anxiety during this time of our lives. Anxiety and panic attacks were actually my first symptoms...even before cycle changes. I just didn't know it then so at least you know what it is.

    I sought help . I didn't just want the drugs alone...I needed to find ways to cope and put things into the proper perspectives. All therapy is not about digging into your past; some is strictly to give you strategies to deal with what ever we need to deal with at that point.

    So make an appointment and tell them what you feel like and ask what can they do to help you. Hugs, hun!! I promise you will feel better!

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    • Posted

      Hi Katy, Panic attacks were my first symptom of peri, too.  You are right about needing strategies.  Unfortunately, I also have identified, with some help, the primary source of my lifelong issues with anxiety.  This happened last year and I’m just realizing that I can’t process it on my own.  Adding peri and everything else that’s going on has made it that much worse.  Thanks for the encouragement which is much needed.  Take care. 🌸

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  • Posted

    Hi Liz I can totally relate to this. My anxiety goes through the roof each day over something that is usually really trivial. I then obsess and worry myself to distraction. Like you, I know it is due to my hormones but I don’t even recognise myself when I’m caught in this cycle. I have started trying to meditate again - simply breathing in to a count of eight, and out to a count of eight. It doesn’t totally alleviate the anxiety, but it does give me a sense that I can control something, no matter how small. My brain doesn’t work anywhere near as well as it used to; and I have to rely on my 9 year old son if I want to use the remote control to access anything other than the main tv channels. I too feel like I didn’t fulfil my potential, and that I could have achieved a lot more if I’d tried. You’re not alone, as horrible as this is. Treat yourself kindly xx
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    • Posted

      Hi Kate, it is so hard not to focus on those trivial things, or the past that can’t be changed.  I know how you feel.  Thanks for reminding me to be kind to myself.  I grew up with an incredibly critical mother who did not show much affection as I got older and I’m my own worst enemy.  This is part of what I need help with now.  It is good to be able to help and to be helped here.  Be kind to yourself, too.  🌸

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  • Posted

    Frankly Liz, I wouldnt go on struggling like you are. Youve already recognised that you may need professional help, if I were you I wouldnt wait any longer. I think you already know that your symptoms are affecting your abilty to function normally and you are in a state of anxiety and distress. SEEK HELP NOW! Dont delay any longer. Get some help/tests done to ease your mind and maybe you need some meds to help you through this awful process. Get a good menopausal vitamin supplement, some B vitamins, vit D, Calcium and evening primrose oil. Look at your diet too to see if there are any changes you can make. But see your dr aswell in case you need something. Hugs to you.XXX
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    • Posted

      Hi Tina, you are right, I need to get help quickly.  I did test with low Vitamin D levels and am taking that now under a doctor’s supervision.  This phase of life is so painful.  I have not known anything to equal it before and suspect many here feel that way.  Take care and I appreciate your concern.  🌸

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    • Posted

      You are most welcome Liz. I only wish that I could offer more help. Aswell as taking vit D, you should also consider a high strength peri/menopausal vitamin supplement and a good B complex like Berrocca it comes as an orange flavoured drink. For breast tenderness try high strength evening primrose oil. And for insomnia and anxiety at night try a warm drink before bed and add 1 or 2 crushed valerian tablets it helps relax you before bed and aids sleep. Hope this helps! XXX
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  • Posted

    Liz,

    I feel that way too. It amazing what the ro la of hormones does to the mindset. I have really has some horrible feelings about myself. I'm seeking counseling. I went from a strong confident woman to a miserable negative hateful person. That's just not me. I encourage you to go talk to someone.

    Take care.

    Chèrie

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    • Posted

      Hi Cherie, that’s exactly what has happened to me and I’m sorry it’s happened to you.  I don’t know who I am anymore.  The harder I try to make things better, the worse I feel.  You are right that I need to get help.  Thanks for reaching out.  🌸

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  • Posted

    I felt the same way until i started taking a vitamin called zen it’s the best it keep me calm it’s great for panic attack’s and anxiety Amazon.
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  • Posted

    Right there with ya. I have my first appointment with a therapist next Thursday. But, I am taking a antidepressant and Valium as needed. I also take a good multivitamin, Vitamin D3, fish oil, and Vitamin C. I talk to God a lot. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🙏🙏🙏

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    • Posted

      Hi Juanita, I don’t know what I’d do without my church family.  They are wonderful.  This forum is great, too.  I pray that your therapist will be just who you need to help.  Take care.  🌸

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  • Posted

    Hi Liz,

    I actually came to the computer to write a post just like yours. I am so sorry you are suffering. I know what a miserable, brain-foggy day I had today and feel badly you are working through the same kind of thing. 

    Absolutely the smallest things upset me. A "strange" look from a co worker. An email from my supervisor.  Too much junk mail. I never know what will set off a despair spiral. And god help me if I have a symptom of any kind! My health anxiety goes through the roof. Then my performance at work, already compromised, gets even worse. (I sent an email to a French colleague, whose English is better than mine, and made a terrible content mistake about the issue I was concerned with. International embarassment. Though in the scheme of things it's small, I was so weighed down with shame today, there isn't really a rational way to describe it. )

    For me too, nothing seems good enough. And I also feel like I missed out on the life I thought I would have and it breaks my heart. I used to be so energetic and ambitious. Now some days I don't even wash my hair. 

    If you can get a therapist, that might help. Mine is good. She hasn't cured anything. But I am single and live alone and sometimes I just need someone to empathize and confirm my reality and pitch in on strategizing over interpersonal issues. I would echo what Tina said about Vit B and D.  I wake up in terrible despair when my Vit B is low. And I have unbelievable body aches when my D is low. 

    I also take a low dose of ativan for anxiety. It does help take the edge off and, as a result, I am a little better at problem solving. 

    It feels awkward to thank you for writing the exact post I sat down to write.  But please know you are not alone.  We are sisters from other families and all in this together. 

    Love you!

    Meredith

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    • Posted

      Oh goodness, Meredith... we have so much in common.  A few months ago, my supervisor actually called me in to tell me that some of our student workers don’t think I help them enough when I’m assigned to work with them.  They think I can’t multitask.  I have always been incredibly supportive of our student workers.  I began to cry and asked my supervisor if he could prove that there was any basis for their accusations.  He admitted that he could not, told me not to change anything, and said he just wanted me to be aware.  My God.  I have a divorced sister raising her sons on her own.  Both of us have chronic illnesses.  My parents are elderly and my mom has had 3 surgeries in as many years and has to have another one in the near future.  I had surgery 2 years ago.  My granny is infirm and slowly dying.  And I am crumbling under the weight of anxiety and peri and trying to keep my career going.  I live alone.  And he wanted me to be aware of what, that I’m old and the kids would rather work with the younger, hipper staff members?  Please.  He never brought it up again and gave me a glowing performance review this month.  But that part of my job is the part I enjoyed the most, working with the students, and now that’s gone.  I just go through the motions.  I know how you feel trying to hold it all together and have a career and not have your competence and intelligence questioned.  It hurts.  This on top of years of growing up with an extremely critical mother who is disappointed in me.  Believe me, I am the kind of daughter who would make any mother proud.  I’m getting off track here, sorry.  Your empathy means a lot to me.  It is a relief to know there are people who care.  Thank you.  💕

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    • Posted

      Hi Meredith, I am sure I speak for all the ladies here when I say we all love you too. You are not alone in this feeling that you are worthless. I feel it everyday. I cant work due to serious long term health issues so spend most of my time indoors. No friends due to being unable to socialise. Agoraphobic due to this damn horrid process so I constantly believe I am just a total burden on my partner and my two sons and that they would be better off without me. But then I remember how much they all love me and the level of care, support and love they all give me. Considering they are all men and have no comprehension about this process and what happens to us yet they are all so understanding towards me and what I am going through. My dr is like my younger brother and always has as much time as I need from him and he goes above and beyond call of duty for me. This feeling will gradually go away I am certain of that once our bodies adjust to the end of hormone production. We are so lucky that in this day and age so much more is known about hormones and what the lack of can do to you. There has also been advances in nutrician and knowledge of vitamins required during this time. Our mothers and grandmothers didnt have all this when they went through this process yet they came through it. You have to focus on that and also that this process wont last forever. Keep in touch with the ladies here because knowing that you are not alone with your suffering also helps to get you through. Try to keep your chin up! XXX
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    • Posted

      Thanks, Tina. It means so much to me to have your support and the kindness of everyone I meet here. Today was another day where I could barely hold it together. 

      I agree with you about the love and support of people around us. Unfortunately, I never partnered and don't have a large support network where I live. My father was a domestic abuser and my mother has a narcissistic personality disorder. So I stopped dealing with them in the 90's.  It was a good choice. And, though I don't wish I had that family, days like this I wish I had a family.  Does that make sense?

      I used to use my job as a good source of social interaction and feeling competent. Now I dread my time there. It's sad, because I've invested so much in my career.  My peri- brain fog is so bad I fear I would lose my job if I weren't tenured. 

      I'm just venting right now because I've overdone this weekend. Thanks for all the love and kindness. It makes a tremendous difference in getting through the day! biggrin  

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    • Posted

      Hi Liz,

      Yes, I Think we have a lot in common! And I can't tell you how grateful I am for people like you who care. 

      It sounds like you are in a sandwich generation with older loved ones to take care of while managing a career and your own life. You are amazing. Always remember that. 

      I think we have/had the same mother! I wish I had a mom who was supportive and emotionally available--especially now.  But once she was determined to have a narcissistic personality disorder, I at least knew what I was dealing with. Therapy has been very useful for that. cry 

      Feel free to PM me if you like. 

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    • Posted

      Hi Meredith, is there anyone at work you are close to that you would feel comfortable talking to and letting them know how you are suffering? Is your boss someone you can talk to? It would help you a great deal if the important people at your work knew what was happening to you at the moment so at the very least the pressure was taken off you there. Have you got any special friends? Because of what you have been through with your parents some counselling may help you. I hope you have at the very least got a good dr who will listen to you. Perhaps they can sort out some help for you so that even if it is only a professional you do at least have someone you can talk to who can support you and offer coping strategies. Just a thought as I so feel your pain. XXX wish I could do more for you.
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    • Posted

      Hi Meredith, you are right.  I will PM you as well.  I only realized within the past year that my mother has narcissistic personality disorder.  I do not know whether she realizes that or not, but my sister and I are certain of it.  I definitely see how therapy would help.  Will say more in PM.  💕

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