Trying to live after losing my love
Posted , 4 users are following.
It's been a year and a half since my wife died of a brain tumor. I feel like I'm carrying around so much guilt. I have never really experienced depression before, I have lost loved ones in the passed, but nothing comes close to this. I truly loved my wife. I honored her, daily. I never left a conversation without telling her" I love you" and yet I can't shake this guilt. Hospice failed to help in her last moments and so I had to choose a different system called comfort care. I was quickly informed that I was responsible for her stopping of food, her stopping of fluids and finally turning off her air. I had to watch as my love gasp for air as her body filled with fluids and finally stop. I can't help but feel guilty. I know I had to do the right thing, but I struggle with this daily. I miss her. I'm a strong man I have worked my whole life, but weakens me and living is hard. I don't like this living part now. I've been a pastor for 20 years, and I'm tired. I would love some advice, if any
Thank you for your time.
1 like, 4 replies
Ashley025 phillip80260
Posted
Hey Philip
It's not your fault my grandma passed away recently and she was not drinking liquids, eating, ect. She was suffering. I feel bad too but it's not us who decide but the Doctors. Im sorry you suffered through your wife's loss. My grandma would cry silently, she was starving I don't agree with this way of dieing it's inhumane. The Doctors need to make a more humane death. 😠
srk904471 phillip80260
Posted
In fact, by making yourself suffer mentally, you are doing no good to soul of wife. send her vibrations of peace, through prayer, which you can only do if you, yourself are peace.
sam18386 phillip80260
Posted
We lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's in October, in the end she didn't eat or drink anything and we watched a once fit and healthy lady wither away. You are a kind caring person and as such you must forgive yourself. Well done for giving her so much love and care when she needed you the most. Look after you, take 1 day at a time and remember her how she would have liked to have been remembered. Keep talking it will certainly help.
phillip80260
Posted
Thank you for all your support and comments of encouragement. I hear what your saying, and I'm trying, about not carrying this burden. But it doesn't seem to let go of me, no matter how much I try. Hopelessness seems to be there right when my eyes open. I can waste hours away laying on my bed without moving. I know this is not good.