Trying to live after losing my love

Posted , 4 users are following.

It's been a year and a half since my wife died of a brain tumor. I feel like I'm carrying around so much guilt. I have never really experienced depression before, I have lost loved ones in the passed, but nothing comes close to this. I truly loved my wife. I honored her, daily. I never left a conversation without telling her" I love you" and yet I can't shake this guilt. Hospice failed to help in her last moments and so I had to choose a different system called comfort care. I was quickly informed that I was responsible for her stopping of food, her stopping of fluids and finally turning off her air. I had to watch as my love gasp for air as her body filled with fluids and finally stop. I can't help but feel guilty. I know I had to do the right thing, but I struggle with this daily. I miss her. I'm a strong man I have worked my whole life, but weakens me and living is hard. I don't like this living part now. I've been a pastor for 20 years, and I'm tired. I would love some advice, if any

Thank you for your time.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Philip

    It's not your fault my grandma passed away recently and she was not drinking liquids, eating, ect. She was suffering. I feel bad too but it's not us who decide but the Doctors. Im sorry you suffered through your wife's loss. My grandma would cry silently, she was starving I don't agree with this way of dieing it's inhumane. The Doctors need to make a more humane death. 😠

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  • Posted

    Death is inevitable. You did your best, in most sincere way. Even if you wanted to prolong, she would have , probably left her body long back. You are no wa y responsible.

    In fact, by making yourself suffer mentally, you are doing no good to soul of wife. send her vibrations of peace, through prayer, which you can only do if you, yourself are peace.  

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  • Posted

    We lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's in October, in the end she didn't eat or drink anything and we watched a once fit and healthy lady wither away. You are a kind caring person and as such you must forgive yourself. Well done for giving her so much love and care when she needed you the most. Look after you, take 1 day at a time and remember her how she would have liked to have been remembered. Keep talking it will certainly help.

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  • Posted

    Thank you for all your support and comments of encouragement. I hear what your saying, and I'm trying, about not carrying this burden. But it doesn't seem to let go of me, no matter how much I try. Hopelessness seems to be there right when my eyes open. I can waste hours away laying on my bed without moving. I know this is not good.

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