Update on me: Been over 2 months since I've posted
Posted , 4 users are following.
Well, things have been looking up for me. Four months ago, I could barely get out of bed because I was so anxious and depressed. Constantly worrying about dying, having uncontrollable thoughts entering my mind and shutting myself completely off from the outside world. The month of August I had 16 panic attacks. They were awful. I've been taking .25 of clonazepam in the mornings along with my 20mg of celexa and I feel like it's working very well for me. The panic attacks have subsided for the most part. I might get one every once in a while now, but I usually know before it hits. An hour or 2 before, I tend to get really hyper and "nest" as my husband calls it. I clean everything.
My husband brought this to my attention. When I get overwhelmed or have a lot on my mind, I tend to shut myself in a room. Back in June and July, I would go to work, come home, lay in bed and binge on greys anatomy until it was time to go to bed. I've been much more productive. I'm cooking dinner again, I'm starting school in February to get out of the job that raises my anxiety, I'm working another part time job to make money for Christmas. However, this morning, my husband got pretty irritated at me. For the past 2 weeks, when I get home, I'm walking in the door and going directly to the game room to play on the computer. Then I'll stay on the computer until bedtime. I hardly make any small talk with my husband, I don't join him for tv time on the couch or anything.
I thought I was doing better. But he feels like I'm having a set back. I just have so much on my mind with Christmas, school, talking to my boss in May after I finish the dental assisting school and quitting my job, I can't turn these thoughts off. Someone give me some inspiration because like I said, it's been over 2 months since I have posted and I wanted to give everyone an update on me.
Things are getting better, definitely.
But I still feel like secluding myself. I don't know why.
Why do we do this when we get overwhelmed or anxious? Someone please give me some insight on this. I don't know how to change my routine. Blah. 
Sorry I'm rambling! Love you all!
1 like, 5 replies
borderriever Ashley2016
Posted
Strange I can work on the computer and I can loose myself when I am on You Tube.
We are hoping to go up country tomorrow and we cannot use the computer or phone. So I seem to be more responsive when there.
B.
Ashley2016 borderriever
Posted
Yes that's what I do. I just completely zone out on the computer and before I know it, it's bedtime. I just don't know why I'm hiding again. Lol I also thought maybe I'm just so used to the routine, I'm a very routine person. How have you been?
helen20833 borderriever
Posted
Hi there Bob
I do wonder if it's about diverting ourselves from our own problems. As Ashley said, zoning out
I don't see lack of conversation as being insular though. It's being comfortable with each other, happy to be in companionship, something born out of a long marriage where a "friendship" of the best kind is cemented.
It's not necessary to fill each hour with conversations anyway
Have a lovely time in the country!
Getting in and amongst nature is wonderfully therapeutic. Sometimes we forget how beautiful the world can be when we are dogged with health worries and anxieties
Enjoy, Bob !
Helen
Ashley2016 helen20833
Posted
Helen I do think it's about diverting my mind to something. I'm always going 100mph in my daily life so I guess escaping into the world of my computer game is how I deal with things. It seems that when I play my computer games or paint or clean, that's all I'm thinking about. But the minute I plop down on the couch to watch TV or a movie, my brain goes 100mph and I can't turn it off. I don't know if this has anything to do with I, but I had about 80% of my panic attacks while sitting on the couch watching TV. Maybe subconsciously I feel like the computer room or my bedroom is a safe place? Is that possible?
helen20833 Ashley2016
Posted
Yes, it's possible
Because, if your first panic attack occured whilst you were sitting on the couch then that is the "place" you associate it with. Your mind, open to suggestion, goes on red alert.
It's interesting that because majority of panic attacks happened when you are on the couch, then your senses almost "expect" it to happen subconsciously
That your computer room/bedroom feels safe is because you have not had a panic attack there, so your subconscious sees these areas as "safe"
But don't be complacent insofar as anxiety is not connected to a time/place nor event. It is within you, within us all. You have to deal with that as opposed to fearing situations and places
You will cope, implement your self-help methods and be positive!
Helen