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So drained and tired of others manipulative behaviours, so much so, I have distanced myself as much as I can from people.

I think it disgusting that when you've given a lifetime of pleasing others out of fear of rejection and or abandonment it really does takes its toll. Used by family, by friends and by partners all wanting something from me. Not content with just me but what they can gain from me. From care to counselling, from being overworked to dropping everything to ensure they have what they want...safety, money, houses, my time and constant favours. Listening to them rabbit on about how life is so bad for them and knowing they are using me as an outlet.

My beautiful kind father passed away and left a maladaptive narcsisstic mother and sister to deal with who constantly talk about me behind my back and include me in nothing. Even when my mother talks to my sister on phone and I'm in the same room it happens. No respect for someone who gave them so much of me.

I was so distraught it brought on 2 cardiomyopathies. My 2 lovely boys have left home and the silence is deafening, they have their careers so rarely contact me. And I know from experience that empty nest syndrome is real and can and does bring about depression.

My career I left as it near killed me.

And was used by an ex partner for all I could could gain from me.

What is this all about to be on this earth to be used, disrespected and fundamentally thrown by the wayside when they've had their fill. Sister goes on holiday 4 times per year, who's picking up the slack? Me, as I am asked to stay with my mother until she returns. These are the same people who didn't think to come visit me in hospital when I was on life support.

What is it with people who have no emotional intelligence, no empathy for another's life, they know it isn't right but continue to do it.

I'm done with horrible disgusting money grabbing and emotionally manipulative users. it is soul destroying. I understand the psychological explanation for people like this and why I'm the way I am. But come on, how much more can one person endure.

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  • Posted

    MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU. YOU HAVE SO MUCH PAIN, IT MUST BE OVERWHELMING. BUT THERE IS HOPE IN GOD OUR LOVING FATHER. PRAY TO HIM. LEAVE YOUR TROUBLES AT HIS FEET. HE WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH THESE HARD TIMES. HE WANTS TO HELP AND HEAL YOU. YOU CAN TALK TO HIM ANYTIME OF DAY. I AM ALONE, SO I UNDERSTAND. GOD IS ALWAYS PRESENT. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. TRUST IN HIM. GOD'S BLESSINGS TO YOU.

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    • Posted

      It has taken till now for me to be able to respond to replies.

      Thank you for your kind words. I am still in turmoil with all of this though understand everyone has their beliefs which I respect and you're obviously a strong person.

      I will try and take on board what you've said and again thanks for replying to me.

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    • Posted

      i think it is time for OMNI to get a little selfish... to speak up for herself.

      because Omni has that right- & needs to drop these cruel individuals like yesterday.

      i'd like to know where it's written that just because one is "blood" or "family" with you -we are then subjected to take anykind of BS or abuse from said "family" members....

      NO! Family respects one another, respects one anothers boundaries and most certainly is kind to one another.

      sorry for typos/terrible spelling /its late i dont have my glasses on(plus no spell /grammar check 😃 😃 😃 😉

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    • Posted

      Thank you. what you say makes sense and our expectations of what should be the right thing in others rarely materialise. Yes, respect should be already in place especially with family tho sadly...not for me.

      Thank you for taking the time to suppprt me in this way.

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  • Posted

    Hi omni you sound very sad and angry about the very people who should be there for you and are not. It hurts when you always try to be a good friend /relation/parent and partner and get nothing in return and you have gone out of your way to help them. Its their loss not yours, make new friends and meet new people, be a bit more choosy. As regards to the empty nest syndrome I can also confirm that it's real I have 4 sons all in their 20s and at times the calls aren't coming home. It hurt too at first but they are just branching out and making new lives for themselves while we are at home with extra time on our hands. Just call them or drop them a text light heartedly reminding them you haven't heard from them for a while and hopefully, eventually it should sink in. It can be a lengthy task but it's sinking in with mine.

    Regards

    Debbie

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    • Posted

      I think when you've had this for so many years, all my life actually, it deepens resentment which leads to anger then complete sadness.

      I came to the conclusion years back that sadly there are people who will use and abuse if they think they can get away with it. There are others who aren't even self aware enough and too busy wrapped up in themselves to even know they're emotionally abusing another.

      I've did the new friends, hobbies erg and all roads lead back to this. my projection of myself is brining these types in. As for my children, I miss them more each day. I try and get us together but no joy. it's been like that for quite sometime now.

      I'm sorry that you are going through similar, it really hurts.

      Thank you for replying and hope things change for the better for you also.

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  • Posted

    Hi Omni - sorry to read you are suffering. My advice is to plan life ahead without them. Pursue things you want to do. Be "selfish." When the sister holidays, tell her to first arrange for someone to tend to your narc mother (I know what you are talking about there as i have one of those.) The reality is you can't change others, they will be who they are. Narcs will never change themselves because they believe everything is always someone else's fault. There is no cure for narcissism. If the connection is toxic, break the connection. It will take a while to relax into that decision. There will be guilt and a sense of something missing. It's part of the process in changing. Negative feelings will diminish as you get stronger in your decision. It worked for me and i wish you luck in the process if you decide to adopt it. You can't change them but you can change yourself. You are not alone.

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    • Posted

      Thank you. I have distanced myself as much as possible. I have had a lifetime of this and have taken responsibility for myself always though they keep coming back wanting, never giving, just wanting and needing, it takes its toll.

      I do so want to walk away completely and know the guilt will be astronomical though it can't be worse than the emotional pain I'm in.

      This has gone on all my life, mainly with family (and partners) who are complete takers. Tired of rejection and the ultimate fear they hang over my head of abandonment.

      It's left me, from childhood a hypervigilant emotional wreck.

      The emotional deprivation received at the hands of an emotionally unavailable parent has been with me all my life, it never goes away and I became highly functioning to cope with it. Tried most things to help and it always comes back to this.

      I'm sorry you've had to cut off from them, though I so understand why.

      Honestly, it would make someone go totally off the rails. It's gotten so bad I've been looking at moving abroad for the last few years so I'll not be on the other end of a phone to pick up their life for them.

      Things that have been said and done by them I could not mention it's too painful. Though I wish I had the strength of character to do what you have done.

      Thanks for your reply

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    • Posted

      Hi omni

      Keep in touch I know you're struggling because the people you should be able to turn to are the ones causing the pain so where do you turn to and how can you deal with all the anguish and pain you are in? You have to release it some way as it becomes so consuming and unmanageable. Have you tried counselling, CBT or support groups all of which are great but not for everyone or its not right for now. What's your gp like? They can be a good first port of call and can refer you to many services. It took me a long time to reach out for help when life all but consumed me and I had to and I am gutted I didn't take the help, support and advice years sooner. Talking on here helps as people reply back because they genuinely care about you and want to share their stories and what help and advise they can give you. Your not on your own xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Deborah,

      Thanks so much for your kindness. Not to portray the victim by any means though I'm not that used to people being that way. I distance myself from others so much now to get away from their manipulative behaviours. I just can't and won't allow myself to deal with it anymore. I have pushed people away, friends, family, partners and know why i do it. They only need let me down once, and my perception of them is a negative one where i can't seem to be able to trust them again.

      Here is what's laughable, I'm qualified in CBT and it does not work for me as it deals with surface present behaviours, I'm in therapy at the moment, have been for 18mths now which is helping though childhood trauma from an emotionally distant parent will take time to come to terms with.

      I've been lost for so long I'm in despair now. Dealing with this everyday and continuing to fake it by being highly functioning for everyone is like a poison. I live alone now and am so scared of the emptiness and the fact that I'm emotionally damaged is just too much for me. I have here though am at my wits end where to turn. It feels similar to a maze where you haven't a clue how to get out.

      I hope you are well and that you have a nice day tomorrow.

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  • Posted

    some people are just plain rude and don't deserve your time of day, the other thing is you know who you're friends are. those who are only there when they want something aren't 'real friends_! real friends will support you regardless! bless you, i hope people leave you alone. x

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    • Posted

      Thank you Sam,

      Thing is, I thought I knew who my friends were tho turns out I didn't. it may be what I'm projecting out as helping others that I've been taking for the proverbial ride.

      I too hope I can have some calm and this is why I've distanced myself. I can only have hope one day I will be able to trust another.

      Thanks again for your support Sam x

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    • Posted

      p.s. Sam...i think we may have something in common and would like to share it so if you want to, send me a pm

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  • Posted

    I received a pm off the back of my post on being 'Used' from...stella0962 they had disabled replies so I could not reply to them. They told me about getting medication for my...HERPIS! It did make me laugh tho come on, when replying, it may be helpful to actually read the post that you are replying to. jeez oh! Lol

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