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Very anxious and shakey

Posted , 3 users are following.

jellyJo
jellyJo

Today is an odd day. I'm very anxious and keep shaking. The thought of going back to work on Monday is petrifying. I have a knot in my throat and tightness in my chest. Overall I finally started to feel a tiny bit better. More positive and making plans. And today I feel sick of worry and fear.

I'm taking my daughter and her friend to the cinema to take my mind of my worries, but I expect the chatter in my head won't stop. I suppose I could take diazepam...

Sorry for that. I don't really know what I'm expecting from leaving this post here. Today is not so good.

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • sue45192
    sue45192 jellyJo

    Posted

    I know exactly how you feel - i was going to go back to work Monday but i just cannot manage it so I have got my dr to sign me off for another week - although all I'm doing is prolonging the agony.

    The thought of going back is usually worse than doing it.

    Good for you getting out and doing something - i wish I could manage to do that even though i KNOW if someone forces me out I feel better.

    How often do you take th diazepam - I take it myself.

    Are you on any anti-depressants - having any therapy?

    I am sure you will be fine Monday.

    Sue

    • jellyJo
      jellyJo sue45192

      Posted

      Hi Sue

      Thank you for replying.

      I try not to take diazepam too often as it really knocks me out. But it does help with the shaking and anxiety. I'm on antidepressants and waiting for them to start working - so far not so good sad

      I still manage to find some strength to act "normal" for the kids. Underneath it all I'm a total mess. I suppose it's because there is no other choice - you've got to be there for your children. I play a role of a good mum and carry on. But inside I'm screaming.

      I dread Monday. It might not be too bad but I am so scared.

      Thanks for your kind words x

    • sue45192
      sue45192 jellyJo

      Posted

      I put a 'mask' on for my daughter and for work but like you say I am screaming and angry and upset just under the mask.

      You're right we have to keep going for our children.  My dayghter (and my cats) give me the only pleasure in life.

      Rainboy's so right.  Bring it back to the moment.   Right now you are having fun with your children.  Right now everything is okay.  I am trying to get in to mindfullness.  Living in the future causes anxiety and living in the past causes us to be depressed. Live in the moment.  Easy to type but not easy to do.

      Sue x

      I am very much stuck in my past.

  • Rainboy
    Rainboy jellyJo

    Posted

    Dear JJ

    You don't have to "expect" anything. You are doing what any depressed or anxious person does quite naturally when they are having a bad day. You are just reaching out for a little moral support and that makes you human like the rest of us. So don't beat yourself up about your post.

    Going to the cinema is a great idea. Try and watch the film through your daughters eyes. Occasionally look at the expression on her face. Is she surprised, laughing, frowning, scared? This should bring you some relief from the introspection. The next challenge is to maintain that.

    It is Friday. Think about Friday. Don't think about Monday. Tomorrow is Saturday, don't think back to today, or think ahead about Sunday. And the same goes when you reach Sunday.

    Everyone will understand how intimidating it must feel at the prospect of returning to work, but Monday is a way off and you are at risk of catastrophising over what may happen in three days time.

    The only way you are going to find out is on Monday morning. No sooner. You cannot predict what will happen at work and you may be very pleasantly surprised.

    Returning to work is a big step and it is natural for you to feel anxious. Just try to keep a lid on those thoughts of disaster and if you are on medically prescribed Diazepam, then by all means use them prudently to give yourself a small crutch for your tense emotions.

    Enjoy your movie and best wishes for Monday.  :-)

    • jellyJo
      jellyJo Rainboy

      Posted

      Rainboy, I've been doing what you said last time - talking to myself (in my head ofcourse) about what's happening here and now. It does help. Thank you.

      Being around my children and my dog, even though it's a huge effort, makes me see world and life in general in more 'pure' way if you know what I mean. My dog for example has this natural joy in running, sniffing, playing, meeting other dogs, chasing squirrels. It makes me think - why can't I be happy with simple things - bluebells in the woods for example. My three-year-old son said to me yesterday "Look mummy, this stick is awesome". It really was. I must find a way to look at life the way they do. And fond my way back to happy.

      I keep telling myself that work is just work, but I can't help feeling like a total failure. They jave demoted me. I'm going back to one big unknown. Possibly to hand my notice in.

      I will try my best to stay in here and now.

      You are a very good therapist Rainboy. Thanks again

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