Very Dark Place

Posted , 18 users are following.

This just can not be normal. So low, so hypersensitive to every sound, smell, feeling in my body. I swear what im smelling is coming from me like foul odors/breath. Then theres ppl that are like youre so pretty yet i feel like rotting garbage. I feel so detached, do not want to be around anyone, dont want to talk to anyone yet im screaming for help on the inside at the same time. Vivid dreams/nightmares. The list goes on. Its just a relentless torture to feel this way and be told youre fine or have your family and friends look at you like you have 3 heads and say they just dont get it.

Very dark thoughts this week just want it to end any way possible. I dont know how much longer i can do this.

Medication makes me feel worse- another slap in the face.

I never thought in my lifetime that i would wish to die or at times consider it myself:( Is this really peri or am i just staring at mental illness when i look in the mirror.

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  • Posted

    Could've written your post myself, Susan. I've become such a recluse. Thoughts of death always lurking in the background, with frequent nightmares from the terrible thoughts that go through my head. It's one thing to accept that we're aging, but this is no way to live. Hope you find comfort knowing that you aren't alone in all of this. This forum has been my only saving grace lately. x

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  • Posted

    I have been where you are now in this journey and a friend gave me something that changed everything...I kid you not. look into bachs flower remedies. they brought me back to myself completely.

    start with rescue remedy, it will calm you and let you live again but there are 38 remedies in all for all the emotional aspects you are dealing with. I bought 8 different ones...and got my life back in a very short time. I took them every morning. after 6 months didn't need them anymore.

    I think I would be dead today without having taken them...I was in a very very dark place, and the thought of ever going back there scares the crap out of me.

    Try bachs...you won't be disappointed.

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    • Posted

      Indifferent, I am now looking into the Bach Flower Remedy and it looks SO interesting! Thanks so much for this tip. Trying to decide which one I will order. - Finny

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  • Posted

    All I can tell you is this will pass. My faith has been my saving grace. December of 2018 I was where you are. Out of nowhere my supervisor asked me if I was okay, I broke down in tears and told her no. I was given five weeks off. It was a dark time for me. I was required to see a therapist and my doctor put me on a antidepressant.

    I went back to work only to realize that I was so burned out with my job, I simply couldn't do it anymore. I prayed about it and took a leap of faith and resigned. I feel so much better. I trust my God.

    You will make it. You can private message me if you just want to talk.

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    • Posted

      First let me give God all the glory. I'm not really "cured" and everybody is different and I still have days where I feel low. First I had a great therapist, she was free thru my job you get eight sessions. I was blessed I was able to see a lady who specialized in people with anxiety and depression. She was also 65 so she got the menopause thing. She used to tell me "if it goes away it's not going to kill you". I know some of the ladies don't want to take pills, but some do. I was on a low dose of Trazodone which I take at night. but after talking to my doctor she put me on a low dose of Effexor to take in the morning, which gave my other antidepressant a boost. It's a SNRI not a SSRI (I couldn't deal with the side effects).

      If my friends invited me to the movies, dinner, or whatever I went, even if didn't want to. I always felt better.

      Like I said it didn't happen overnight.

      You have to find out what works for you.

      There is light at the end of the tunnel.

      I wish nothing but the best for you as you find your way out of this. Hugs🙏🙏🙏🤗🤗🤗

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    • Posted

      Juanita - whenever I read your posts my FAITH increases! Your words always encourage me and lift me up. I have been thinking of you so much these past few months I; am looking for more positive updates from you and am SO SO SO grateful you are starting to feel better!!! Think of how far you have come....prayers coming your way! Blessings to you! - Finny

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  • Posted

    could have written your post ❤ going to therapist.... now psychiatrist.... tried lexapro... klonopin..... now trying gabapentin and still the xanax...... i am with you.... i feel your mental and physical pain....

    i've cried so much.... no idea who i am anymore.... starting to feel hopeless.....

    please hang in there... ill try, too....

    big hugs to you❤❤❤

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  • Posted

    I know how you feel. I spend most days wondering what the point is. I can't leave the house, make plans, even read a book my eyes are so blurry.

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    • Posted

      i have to force myself to do.things. i feel worse either way. the worse is tho the feeling of suffication does anyone have that??????if its not that its too fast or gasping. what the hell?? i went to dr it was 98 oxyegen. is this hormones?? everything for me is falling apart

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  • Posted

    Thank you so much ladies from the bottom of my heart for all of your advice and support. This just makes me so sad and frustrated that we are all suffering this way. I just wish everyone could be happy or at least be able to function through daily tasks that other ppl do ok. Hugs and prayers to everyone ❤❤❤ xoxo

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  • Posted

    I have had extreme dizziness for 8 weeks following a bout of room spinning vertigo. I am at the breaking point. I can't do it another day. I just want to scream and cry and fall apart. You are not alone. xo

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  • Posted

    I can assure you that this is peri. I have been on the same path as you for almost two years.

    My senses, too, are completely screwed up. For example, sometimes I can't tell where sound is travelling from. I have also had the smell problem, but it is being hyper-sensitive to other people's smells, to the point where I almost want to be sick, plus I feel angry and irritated at the same time. So weird!

    I have had the darkest thoughts, as well as the thought that I don't know how much longer I can do this. This is physical and psychological torture!

    I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with my boyfriend this afternoon, while he was at work, just wailing and sobbing into the phone, telling him that I feel totally detached from myself, and I just want this to be over. I feel dead inside; it is horrible.

    He was an absolute saint, as he always is, and he promised me that one day it would end. In the meantime, I just have to plod forward in whatever way I can and be thankful for the times when I feel well.

    I sympathize with you completely. I am there with you.

    You are not crazy. I promise. This is all hormones!

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  • Posted

    I don't know what the answer is but I just want to say that I understand and I'm here for you if you want to talk.

    What helps me the most right now is hearing about people who felt the same and are now on the other side.

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  • Posted

    I too was having severe depression and feeling I couldn't go on too until I tried 5mg dhea. It worked immediately for me, like that evening I walked my dogs which was something I could not do before. I researched it and I feel I have a little side effects like headache so everyone needs to be cautious with supplements and do your own thorough research. Hormones are causing the depression and dhea helped when HRT did not. I am super sensitive to meds so I always try the lowest doses first as all should when using supplements.

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