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Very Tired of life right now, any help is appreciated

Posted , 4 users are following.

stvnsd
stvnsd

Hi, I am Guy

28 year old man turning 29 soon, currently living in Ireland.

The reason I am starting this discussion is to try and help myself, right now i am feeling the lowest i have ever felt.

I will try keep it as short as possible. The start of the new year (2016) hasn't been great, probably the worst. 

I came to Ireland as an Asylum seeker 8 years ago, when I was 20 and up until today I am still not granted refugee status. 

I have been back and forth with refugee officials for the past 8 years and it has been the most emotionally draining experience (its hell). 

I have cried many nights and days over this whole experience, 

I know most people would say man up and handle it or be strong and keep hope alive and have faith.

Truthfully I can no longer keep strong and/or keep going, I am constantly tired, I am awake everyday until 6am stuck in an endless thought of what is going to happen.

I will try give a clear picture of what I am going through.

When you apply for asylum, they put you in a hostel and they give you 19 euro a week to survive on.

I have family here, so instead of staying in the hostel I thought it would be great idea to move in with family, But moving out of the hostel and moving in with family will cancel/ stop the 19 euro a week.

for the first 2 to 3 years I was ok with it but then i began to miss living life, before you can do anything in Ireland, you need money. a bus trip to and from town is €2.60 each way.

Because I wanted to experience life, go out clubing like any young adult and socialize, I started doing jobs, whatever job I could to make some money and live a little. Unfortunately the jobs have not paid me enough

to even have a normal life. Whenever i do anything using the money i earned, I do not enjoy as much, as earning that small amount of money takes 5 times more effort than the average person. at the moment, I am averaging around 75 euro a month

yes that is €75 and it is not a guaranteed cash every month , to some of you, it will sound like a joke but that is how much i am able to make right now(I know i am not allowed to work, but what am I to do?). 

Because they took all forms of ID, I do not have a bank account or any proof of identity, all the money i make, I store it in "a shoe box under my bed"

 

For a while that little money kept me sane, but realistically it is not been enough for anything. I have had 2 sort of serious health issues and both I could not afford to get treatment for them. the first was a week of dizziness and nausea, I managed to 

tough that one out, i did go to the doctors for it, and i was told it was an ear infection, consultation fee was €55 and the drugs were around €30, I did not pay the doc as i did not have the money and i did not get the medication.

second was a back injury, which had me stuck in bed for a whole month unable to walk, I did not bother with doctors because i knew i would not afford it(I was young and still mentally strong).

I have missed out on life in general due to this situation, while other 20 something year olds go out and enjoy life and get up to all kinds of crazies I haven't. and this is what has been eating at me for the past few years, 

I have tried many things to try and keep myself up beat about it all, i have worked in Charity shops just to try get some kind of social life going, but it began to make me feel worse so I stopped,

I used to be an ambitions man, i was very driven and determined, i was looking forward to my life,

but this is not life.

I do not have close friends, I do not have that 1 friend I can turn to and tell them everything, I do not have a girlfriend, i haven't had one in 8 years, without going into too much detail, Family is not as helpful, 

So I am sharing this here, to try and see if i can get help, I cannot afford professional help at the moment, 

i am not looking for petty, all I want is for it to end, I want all this pain to go away for good,

i am so tired, If i had an option i would take it without hesitating,

if there is anyone with an answer for me please share with me, as I am slowly losing my mind, I have caught myself several times arguing with myself over a variety of issues. 

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • Debbydora
    Debbydora stvnsd

    Posted

    Hi Guy

    What about people of your own nationality in the hostel do you have any friends amongst them? I don't know if you're a religious person but here in the south of England we have local church halls that put on various clubs for asylum seekers/refugees in our communities, where they can come together and talk and make friends or just to get advice.

    Isn't there a local refugee council in your area that may be able to help you too. I know it can be hard with what you're going through, I have friends going through the same thing but all you can do is to keep looking towards the future 2016 may well be your year.

    Take care smile

     

    • stvnsd
      stvnsd Debbydora

      Posted

      Thanks Debbydora,

      I shall try the above,

      I moved out the hostel years ago, and I do not have friends in a similar situation, the few I know all were granted something, and were in this situation a lot shorter than I have.

      I shall try find people like me.

      thanks for responding...

  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 stvnsd

    Posted

    I am not sure how things work in Ireland, but here in England we have collegues where they do courses for people in your situation to learn. These courses are free to learn English and Maths. This would help you to gain certificates and you may meet others in similar situations. As someone else as already mentioned there maybe churches that can help you, either to point you in the right direction or to befriend you.

    Elizabeth  

    • stvnsd
      stvnsd elizabeth20203

      Posted

      Thanks for responding Elizabeth, 

      the colleges here are not free unfortunately,

      however I have done a few courses, and I have taught myself a lot using websites.

      I have now reached a point where the only education I can take on is a Degree or Diploma, but we are not allowed to take on higher education.

      But that didn't stop me from trying, the only thing that stopped me when i tried to get into a course was the expensive school fees, the immigration wall and proof of identity.

      I do go to church and I pray, but at the moment, my faith is at a really low point.

      I have tried many things over the years, but they all were temporary fixes, 

      1 thing i havn't tried is trying to find a counseling group, I have been on google since the last reply trying to find one, but it seems there is not that many for such situations in ireland.

      The closest one is in another town, from where i live and my finances are not the best at the moment so I am very limited when it comes to travel.

       

  • fizah38912
    fizah38912 stvnsd

    Posted

    I would suggest you to come up with your goal in life (once again). and utilise the S.M.A.R.T concept that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time. and instead of enjoying the money that you earn like everybody else did, try save them aside and in the mean time try to learn some skills that you can utilise to earn money. I read a story in the book called "Chicken soup for the Soul", its about a vietnam couple who were from a rich family back during World war 2, and due to conflict and unstability of the country they changed all their money to gold and gave it to a boatmen to escape the country and somehow the managed to arrived to a land called America. As i mentioned they now have nothing and have to start from scratch. Both the couple work with the husband cousin's who own a bakery shop and with salary of 300 per week. So both of them could earn 600 per week. Then, came an opportunity where the cousin have told them that the could take over the bakery for 300,000 or so i forgot the amount. If they have spend the money like every normal people did they could never be able to afford the bakery but what the couple did is they sleep at the bakery itself and took shower at a nearby mall toilet. Thus with this practise they could cut down on expenses such as car, oil fees, car tax, maintenance,  furniture n etc etc. In 3 years they take over the bakery and now the own a franchise. the couple then was not young in their 20's either but they managed to do it, so could you! Start from something. What you focus expands, focus on the good in life. Don't give up.
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