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Want to die

Posted , 6 users are following.

julie74890
julie74890

Not feeling good today help me I just wish that I had died in my sleep sitting here upset thinking off throwing myself in front off the bus can't take anymore time off work as I have had a few days off my boss thinks Ian making things up I think she is trying to get rind off me I have no one

2 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Karebare
    Karebare julie74890

    Posted

    Julie, please don't do anything to hurt yourself.  There are so many of us out here who understand exactly what you are going through.
  • julie74890
    julie74890

    Posted

    I am sick off all aspects of life cbt is not working meds aren't working my is horrible to me always shouting at me I have no one I always get the blame my partner keeps saying it's all my fault I try may best but it's not good enough I am better of dead
    • Karebare
      Karebare julie74890

      Posted

      No Julie, you would not be better off dead and I would not be better off with you dead. Because just you begining this discussion has shown me there really are people out there who feel and think the same things I do. I don't know what CBT is, but what meds have you been taking?  How long have you been on them?
    • adam93229
      adam93229 julie74890

      Posted

      Hi Julie I know exactly what your going through my ex partner was exactly the same. I am now out of the relationship. It's a form of control and abuse. It's hard when you should be getting support from those who should be there for you but are not. Look after yourself don't get run down by anyone. I've had cbt it works but if your getting run Down and abused at home it'll never work. Trust me I've been there.
  • Karebare
    Karebare julie74890

    Posted

    I too am having difficulty with my work and worry about losing my job every day. I haven't been in since 5/4.  I live in the US so I do not know what kind of assistance you have a vailable to you.  I recently had to apply for intermittant FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) Documentation from my doctor had to be sent in and forms filled out etc... This protects my job for when I have to take up to 3 days off due to my condition.  So they can't fire me for taking time off for that. Today my doctor would not release me back to work, as she said I am having a nervous breakdown. I haven't been able to fuction enough even to get up and brush my teeth in the last 10 or 11 days, nor did I shower. I am truly a stinking embarassing mess. However, today my doctor gave me hope. She has written a letter stating due to my condition (what condition is not necessary to tell my work place, HIPPA rules that information is my own property) and am not being released to retun to work at this time as I need more treatment and evaluation. So this is being sent to our Benefits carrier (same people we apply for FMLA to). She will be working with them to get them the information needed to not only protect me from being fired but also to receive Short Term Disability, which will pay me 75% of my pay for up to 26 weeks. The most difficult thing for me was actually first picking up the phone to make the call for an appointment with my doctor. Then going in to that appointment. Remember this is the gal who couldn't even find it in her to get up and brush her teeth for a week and a half. The smallest thing seems so over whelming. Get to a doctor, get documentation, seek assistance to find out what is available to you.  I know it won't be easy dear but doing those difficult things I honestly did not think I would be able to do today has already made a difference to me. I don't know what is next for me and I am sad and scared, but I do know I am better today than I was yesterday.
  • arwen1972
    arwen1972 julie74890

    Posted

    Sweetie, first of all, big (((hugs))) I wish I could give you a real hug, but this will have to do. Your partner is bang out of order for saying that! Having depression is NOT your fault. We don't ask to feel this way. We don't want to be this low and miserable.

    Please, please go back and talk this over with your doctor. You didn't mention whether or not you actually take any meds at all. If not, you would really benefit from them.

    if you don't or can't get to your GP right away, then try calling The Samaritans. Talking to someone can make all the difference. Good luck.x

  • anne240
    anne240 julie74890

    Posted

    Oh Julie.  I know how you feel, but honestly it will pass.  I lost monthss of work because of depression.  That is years ago and I have battled very hard.  Don't let the depression win.  I know you are struggling, but life is worth living, and you will not always feel so very low. 

    My boss made my life difficult too, but I did not go back until I knew I was ready. 

    When you say you have no one, does that mean you have no family or friends?  Have you nobody to talk to?  Have you seen a counsellor?  It may help.  Your GP could refer you to one.  You come here and talk to us and we will support you all we can.

    We all know exactly how you feel.  All been there.  Me, many times, but hey I am still here, and fighting.  There are good and bad days, so hang on in there please.

    Thinking of you, and hoping you won't do anything rash.

  • celtics
    celtics julie74890

    Posted

    hi julie please dont do anything to harm youre self what ever you think your worth much more than that ! what about those around you they.would be devistated ! i felt like you for a long time luckly my sister talked me round twice shes been my rock and i will always owe her ! julie please go and see your doctor and tell him how youre feel dont hold back as thats the only way they can help you ! i wish you all the.best and let me know how.you get.on david !

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