Posted , 7 users are following.
i have come to the conclusion I am a waste of space and the air that I breath. am getting closer and closer to the end.
Been sellling stuff or literaly giving it away, seen my grand daughters 6th birthday arranged lunch out with a friend later this week, haven't seen for a while.
Don't say talk to some one, ended up at the Dr's the other night as i was drviing down a tunnel to my death nextt hing I knew I was at the surgery asking to see someone even though it was after 5.30 it was somewhere safe to go.Spent at least an hour there being calmed down and talking out stuff even the Dr opened up to me about how he coped with things.
Spoke to the Samaritians last night after out driving like a loon sitting there with a load of drugs to take didn;t but it was there.
These thoughts won't go away, evne when working going through the motions just to keep people happy.
Do I really want to die that is the million dollar question?
I don't know? I hate who I am, who I was, things I;ve done or had done to me I have been trying to change but these thoughts palns etc etc just don;t seem to go away.
Difficult to describe explain put on paper put into words, how do I try and get out or off this roundabout until I understand it myself or expalin it to someone.
Seeing Dr and psychiatrist this week too, do I print this off write stuff out and just hand it to them easier than trying to say it or hiding it. don't want to go into hospital again but maybe that might be the safest place to be?
These thoughts jsut suddenly appear and I react without thinking. I know some day I will not ring someone and just do it, the it being kill myself. There I;ve said it. It won't be tonight or tomorrow but the date is getting nearer and nearer.
Don't all panic it isn't going to be now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you all take care out there and thank you all for your support.
Love you all and best wishes
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