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Waste of space!!

Posted , 7 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

Hi all

i have come to the conclusion I am a waste of space and the air that I breath.  am getting closer and closer to the end. 

Been sellling stuff or literaly  giving it away, seen my grand daughters 6th birthday arranged lunch out with a friend later this week, haven't seen for a while.

Don't  say talk to some one, ended up at the Dr's the other night as i was drviing down a tunnel to my death nextt hing I knew I was at the surgery asking to see someone even  though it was after 5.30 it was somewhere safe to go.Spent at least an hour there being calmed down and talking out stuff even the Dr opened up to me about how he coped with things.

Spoke to the Samaritians last night after out driving like a loon sitting there with a load of drugs to take didn;t but it was there.

These thoughts won't go away, evne when working going through the motions just to keep people happy.

Do I really want to die that is the million dollar question?

I don't know? I hate who I am, who I was, things I;ve done or had done to me I have been trying to change but these thoughts palns etc etc just don;t seem to go away.

Difficult to describe explain put on paper put into words, how do I try and get out or off this roundabout until I understand it myself or expalin it to someone.

Seeing Dr and psychiatrist this week too, do I print this off write stuff out and just hand it to them easier than trying to say it or hiding it. don't want to go into hospital again but maybe that might be the safest place to be?

These thoughts jsut suddenly appear and  I react without thinking. I know some day I will not ring someone and just do it, the it being kill myself. There I;ve said it. It won't be tonight or tomorrow but the date is getting nearer and nearer.

Don't all panic it isn't going to be now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you all take care out there and thank you all for your support.

Love you all and best wishes

Tina xx

5 likes, 17 replies

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  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Thank you all so much for your support and comments, managed my day at work. usual put on the face chat to people but it still feels as if I am empty. Went swimming after work to make an effort, home just sitting here staring at the TV not really taking anything in. Dr's tomorrow debating reading to him what I wrote last night. Psychaitrist on Friday debating n telling her about all the truama sheets I completed earlier this year which I didn;t do whne I had my assessment this time last year.

    You are such kind, thoughtful and considerate people there to help each other in need. I feel I am unable to contribute to other peoples needs, something else i'm no good at.I struggle to find the right words. 

    Thank you all again, I'll keep plodding on for now. xx

     

    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 tina89895

      Posted

      Your so welcome. Good luck @ the drs tina. Tell them everything. Lotsa hugs xx
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