week 14 for daughter....i think

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its been a funny old week, she has had a lot going on emotionally, she was told her job is at risk, ( and she just got her expensive car) and someone close was in a bad mood( doesnt live in my house) and had a pop at her, reducing her to tears.

but she has coped, one thing i notice is when she is upset, it all becomes highlighted, and anger/tears/sadness all become stronger than before she was on the flux, she realises she needs to be alone, or she wants company and to snuggle under the blanket, so its good she can identify with it, and move herslef to a place of isolation to calm down.

side effects wise, she hasnt been to bad, probably managed 3 good nights sleeps out of the week,

but for her last week was about understanding when to distance herself, and how she cant change what is out of her control. she should hopefully find out something about her job this week, fingers crossed.

as a mum, i want to wrap her up, keep her by my side and protect her, i am learning to stand back, and watch, and only step in if i feel i really need to.

i was once told as your kids get older, it gets easier......no it doesnt.

stay strong everyone, xx

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18 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Karen

    Oh that's a blow for her worrying about her job ... so sorry to hear that.  That's all she needs right now, and for someone to have a go at her is so upsetting.  Fragile nerves that are healing, are quick to fire off, so not surprised she got upset.  Poor love.  It's good she can recognise when she needs her space.

    My son got upset last week at work when his colleague asked the supervisor where he was, and the supervisor replied 'oh probably crying behind the wall over there'!  How mean can you get ..... I just thought does he seriously know what he's actually been through?  This supervisor is in his 60's and should be more adult towards it.  My son did report it.

    ​When he was off work for 3 months last year, I wondered if he'd keep his job, then thought that actually his health came first, and if he lost it, so be it, and maybe he could go back to college and retrain for something else.  Luckily he returned and all is well.

    Yes fingers crossed her job will be safe.

    I also want to wrap my son up and keep him safe, but like you, knowing that we have to step back and watch them grow, cope with life, deal with things.  It's hard, and I've always said being a mum is the hardest job I've ever had to do.

    Hugs to you both

    K xx 

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    • Posted

      aww it was cruel what that man said to your son, just a thow away comment can hurt so much, and really play on there mind. i hope your son has managed to not worry over it.  i do find myself getting annoyed when people come out with silly stuff, before it wouldnt have bothered me, but i have to realise they dont understand, its hard enough for me. sad

       

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  • Posted

    oh  karen13323,  i am thinking of you and your daughter and sending so many good thoughts for you 2 brave women!  my youngest daughtre is 18 and  was dx with eating disoder when she was 14,,,,2 months before my BI,,,,,she has been through so much adn I understand completley as a mom how you just wn tot protect her   and  shiled her from the pain!  I understand her hightened feelings on the flu,,,,you are a wonderful mom to be there for her to hlep her fargilitiy.  and katecogs13323,you too!  your poor son!  and you!!  yes, it is so difficult to step back and watch them grow and handle hte pain,,,,your heart hurts for them,,,,being a mom is one of the hardest jobs ever,,,,,love to both of you!
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    • Posted

      Hi Crayola

      Sorry to hear of your daughters problem too - they're so young aren't they, to be dealing with life's problems.  I was talking to a lady last year who told me her daughter had had an eating disorder throughout her teens, and became very, very ill.  One day she found an advert for a pole dance class and went along - it slowly changed her life - she began exercising, and began loving her body and eventually became a tutor, and now runs her own studio!!  She is no longer ill, has a beautiful body and is very happy.  I really love that story :-)

      Yes when our children hurt, we hurt too.  It was hard enough picking them up when they were little, sticking a plaster on their cut knees and wiping their tears ...... and even harder watching them suffer from terrible emotions later in life.

      Once a mum, always a mum ;-)

      K xxx

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    • Posted

      awww crayola,

      love to you too, i hope your daughter is ok now, and coping with it all, and your right, being a mum is the hardest job of all,  big hugs all round today! xx

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    • Posted

      thank you so much muchkaren13323  and katecogs for thinking of my daughter. She is 18 now and in recovery for a yr,,,its been a rough 4 yrs for her and i am so proud of her,  She is first yr at college  for nursing and the stress worries me about a replase....it is so difficult watching them suffer.....love and hugs to you !!
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    • Posted

      oh bless, hasnt she done well!! i hope she loves the nursing, she will soon find somewhere in the nhs that she just loves when doing her placements, and if she can enroll as a bank support worker, and get extra shifts, it will really help her in hospital knowledge, and recognising faces. if she takes it steady, keeps up with her assignments im sure she wont get too stressed.

      your right, it is so hard to watch them suffer,  keep smiling crayola, you and your daughter have come such a long journey. xx

       

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  • Posted

    well, yesterday wasnt a good day, back to tears at work, and me getting texst, about wanting to come home, i wish i could just say, come home, and lets snuggle, we will be ok, but i have to say go wash your face, sit at your desk, and breathe deeply, im so angry this person yelled at her on sunday, knowing her problems, admittedly, this person was just having a bad day, but its now meant my daughter is having several bad days! fingers crossed today is easier.
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    • Posted

      i understand, both as a mom   

      and as a patient,,,,,,,,i was going to say survivior, but we are all surviours and hopefully family   for each other  , i do understand    all my love  karen

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    • Posted

      Yes, the wrong words at the wrong time and the ill person can suffer for days after.  Normally it would probably just be an irritation at someone who was unpleasant, but because nerves are so raw they hurt and upset so much deeper.

      Have a blanket snuggle and film evening when she's home, after making her favourite dinner ;-)

      Thinking of you both x

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    • Posted

      thanks, she is a little bit better, but its certainly knocked her back, its all a learning curve, and a hard one at that.  i have gone back to being on "watch"  again, whilst she is less emotionally stable. sad

       

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  • Posted

    Hi karen

    Sorry to hear your daughters got worries about her job, not what either of you need right now when shes been doing so well.

    People can be so thoughtless, they prob dont mean it but shouting like that can really upset you as your emotional responses are so much more drastic. I had a row with my husband the other week n I felt physically bad for days after. At least your daughter knows what she needs to do to feel better but you can't always do it when you're at work:-(

    It is a set back but she can and will get through it, but it is hard when youve felt so good. One step forward....

    Hope the news on her job is good. Sending you big hug as well as your daughter. Takw care of you both

    Vix x

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    • Posted

      thankyou, i didnt realise that when she had an upset like this, it would set her back, but it seems to be a pattern, one upset, means 2 or 3 days tears and being down. and then she stays extra fragile for a few days after that.

      i am just so angry on her behalf, she was doing so well, but we had a chat and she now realises that when things get too much she must walk away or suffer the consequences for the next few days.

      still no news on the job, so its a waiting game.

      big hugs right back at you. xx

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry there's been a bit of a slip, though I'm glad you are focussing on the positive and supporting your daughter. All the best smile
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    • Posted

      I'm alright, up and down I guess. I have been going out a bit more and I think the medication is working as I still hate my body, but I am able to look at it and think "yuck I look dirgusting" and then get dressed and get on with my day, where as previously I would look at my body and pinch and prod it and cry for about an hour over how "fat" i am and refuse to leave the house and binge and purge all day. So while I still have a long way to go I think there are minor improvements. 
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    • Posted

      Hi pippa

      Just baby steps, bit by bit thats the way. Glad youve had some improvement.

      Take care

      Vix

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    • Posted

      little improvements, and little steps, its the only way to go with this medicine. im so glad you can see the small changes taking place. keep strong. xx
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