Posted , 4 users are following.
I think I need some help. Mentally.
I'm usually a happy guy, my tagline is "Hey Buddy!". I can get along with pretty much anyone. I love being around people.
I have noticed for some time now, that behind closed doors, I can be very quick to short bursts of anger. Whether this is losing on a game + punching the sofa, road rage or just something small like "oh, my coat's in my bag, my key in the pocket, gotta get the coat out of the bag" + swearing and huffing like a child.
I can also get upset very quickly too. Literal tears. Even something simple as a web page taking a while to load, I just break down and cry and utter things like "what's the point".
I need help with getting to the bottom of this. When I snap for the tiniest of things, it upsets me. I hate my short burst of anger.
I think it's down to depression. I feel lonely all of the time, as 99% of my friends never bother with me outside of work, they are always; literally always too busy to spend time with me (but easily find time for others). This really gets me down and has been going on for years.
I can't do anything fun like Laser Quest, online gaming, Cinemas etc as I'm always by myself. I rely too much on other people's company, and yet can never get it.
I'm in the mindset of just getting up and moving to Australia, I know most don't do this due to family ties etc, but after many years of forced lonliness and wanting the complete opposite, I can't wait to leave. I don't even feel I have any family ties, and that's a horrible feeling as my mother is amazing.
I feel like my personality has warped due to forced lonliness + depression; which is forcing me to snap in anger or breakdown into tears over the most ridiculous of things.
I need help. Am I even correct in my own diagnosis? My dads side of the family is prone to anger too, maybe I just inherited it? So I'm half normal half hulk? Am I depressed? I dunno.
Sorry about that, I just had to get stuff off my chest. I've barely scratched the surface, but it has helped a lot. I have no one willing to talk to me on this level, so this has helped.
Thank you for your time.
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