What is this I feel?

Posted , 3 users are following.

I've always felt like I was a happy go lucky person. After a series of bad things that happened to me, mainly a horrific relationship I now find myself having these trigger moments where the World begins caving in. Work is bad right now. My numbers are off and the pressure is on daily. I start to drift mentally under the pressure. I feel like a loser. Everyone is married and has a family. My siblings are absurdly successful. Here Iam in the same place I was 9 years ago. Leave my job right? I love it when people say "find your calling" well that would be awesome if I could just decide what that was. Instead, I feel like I'm trapped in sales forever. Going back to school for the one thing I found interesting I found that my undergrad grades would make it nearly impossible and the cost would be over 100k. That's not doable at my age. So here Iam, hating my job, feeling worthless, feeling trapped, feeling like a loser, a disappointment, an idiot, like I'll be alone forever because I know that as long as I feel stuck in my professional life, I can't possibly be good enough mentally to be ok with myself or anyone else. I started really nasty habits of comparing myself to everyone. All of these things reinforce my feelings of failure. I have trouble sleeping and I'm irritable. The days crawl by and the worst are Sunday nights. I feel like I screwed up my life with my own complacency. And even when I think of change, I get terrified of the unkown. It paralyzes me. I don't feel like I've ever been great at any job I've had. I hate this feeling. It makes me just want to sit at home and be by myself. I know that's not the right thing to do but I just find it hard to be "on" This is depression isn't it?


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  • Posted

    I wish we could hang out too.  I have had so much of my self worth tied into my income when suddenly after 15 years things just come to a grinding halt.

    As you might have read, I no longer have any family left and the slow down of work is brutal. I have zero self worth and am embarrassed that I too am not married like everyone else. Once different groups of my friends all started getting married and having kids, I started to remove myself because I feel like such a loser and people 'feel sorry' for me.  I know have been forced to hang out with the most awful people.

    really, i never thought such basics things in life would be so unattainable for me.

    I can only suggest to you to start forcing yourself to exercise one hour every day. And watch what you eat.  It will help, a bit.

    where do u live?

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  • Posted


    I can relate to a lot of this, obviously all our circumstances are at least a bit different but the general feelings of how your situation has made you feel rings a lot of bells for me. You sound, like me, like a person that doesn't easily give in - this can be both positive and negative. 

    The main thing is, DON'T GIVE UP the struggle - but don't think you can do it all by yourself too. You need a [genuinely caring] pastor or friend to simply pour it out to from time to time, whilst taking some small steps, one at a time on your own responsibility (this is important), to improve the driver of your state of mind. It seems that this is 'work' - now whilst work is only a means to an end, it is also where we spend a lot of our time! - and where we can get fulfilment and increase our sense of self-value.

    My suggestion to you would be not to worry about expensive further education, but some basic 'helps' / training for your Sales role. I don't know much about your sales role / business specifically, but why don't you try googling 'Brian Tracey sales resources' - there are hundreds, and he's often doing offers when you're on his mailing list. Don't get bogged down by them all - he's a master at repackaging them in lots of ways! - but pick something on sales, or on a key driver of performance for you personally (time and task management is a key to my sales success, I find, not so much a lack of ability) - and MAKE A START! You can do it from your own desk / home, and he's easily understandable.

    I hope I'm not barking up the wrong tree, and I wish you every success and a sense of being uplifted. As your success in sales takes great strides - and hopefully your earnings with it - you may want to think again about marriage etc.

    Good luck! smile

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    • Posted

      Have a great day!

      PS Your posting on here is evidence of you taking responsibility and taking a step towards progress. Keep going! - one step at a time. And if you have a setback, dust yourself off, say sorry or whatever (to yourself or someone else if needed), and carry on. There's no other way. Have a goal - the shining light where you can visualise yourself - but just go a day at a time and don't look ahead too much in terms of the 'getting there'.

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    • Posted

      And one more point - it makes a big difference if you spend as much time as possible with positive, happy people - not necessarily someone who is super outgoing (that's fine if you're comfortable) or someone who might leave you feeling intimidated, just positive. They don't have to know about your being depressed necessarily, it's quite possible they wouldn't understand.

      So, you need a shoulder to lean on at times - but also regular good company - which may involve different people to the 'shoulder'. Don't hang out with others in the depths of despair too much until you're really strong.

      The advice above on exercise is good advice. I wish I was fitter! - but 30 minutes brisk walk does wonders for your mind each day. (It is in fact proven that it releases positive endorphins - chemical - into your brain after about 30 minutes; to get the gain of this I'd advise you to let yourself go and not do your phone etc at the same time, for instance smile )

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