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I've always felt like I was a happy go lucky person. After a series of bad things that happened to me, mainly a horrific relationship I now find myself having these trigger moments where the World begins caving in. Work is bad right now. My numbers are off and the pressure is on daily. I start to drift mentally under the pressure. I feel like a loser. Everyone is married and has a family. My siblings are absurdly successful. Here Iam in the same place I was 9 years ago. Leave my job right? I love it when people say "find your calling" well that would be awesome if I could just decide what that was. Instead, I feel like I'm trapped in sales forever. Going back to school for the one thing I found interesting I found that my undergrad grades would make it nearly impossible and the cost would be over 100k. That's not doable at my age. So here Iam, hating my job, feeling worthless, feeling trapped, feeling like a loser, a disappointment, an idiot, like I'll be alone forever because I know that as long as I feel stuck in my professional life, I can't possibly be good enough mentally to be ok with myself or anyone else. I started really nasty habits of comparing myself to everyone. All of these things reinforce my feelings of failure. I have trouble sleeping and I'm irritable. The days crawl by and the worst are Sunday nights. I feel like I screwed up my life with my own complacency. And even when I think of change, I get terrified of the unkown. It paralyzes me. I don't feel like I've ever been great at any job I've had. I hate this feeling. It makes me just want to sit at home and be by myself. I know that's not the right thing to do but I just find it hard to be "on" This is depression isn't it?
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