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I feel depressed, not to the point of killing myself. At first I didn't notice these feelings and the bad lifestyle. I just ignore them thinking that its just normal, because I grew up not having a routine like waking up or eating at a certain time, its just always irregular. Now that im a college student, these irregularities started to get out of the way and also became worse, I just cant help it anymore. I suck. I dont know where to blurt these feelings out, even to my family and friends. They wont understand. I mean my family they all have their issues but I just know they wont. I love them so much, not wanting to bother them. I also have great friends, the friendship was good at first. It feels good having people who you can laugh with and share the ups and downs of life in college (Im taking up Architecture--- which is composed of things I also suck at but I just love it).There are times that I just felt that they hated me because of knowing who I really am eventually. They wont undestand.
Knowing me, I am very awkward person, NBSB, maybe also because of my boring life, I have a social anxiety, a part of me has OCD which adds up my frustration. Yet also a Crammer. I think the only good thing in me is that Im good cheering the people that I care about even though Im a pessimist at times.
I feel depressed, not to the point of killing myself, its just difficult, I feel so tired of everything because my life just wont let me live normal. I feel so pathetic, I know there are solutions as "simple" as pulling yourself together. People say that everyhting will be alright --->well here I am still waiting. I feel lost, I dont even know what's my point writing here.
Right now, I just want to breathe a great sigh of relief just to reset myself. Its is a great feeling tho it just last for a while. I wish things would be just as easy.
P.S. So sorry for taking up your time reading this pathetic whatever-it-is.
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