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I am new to this site, my name is Alexander and I am 19 years old.
I have been scanning around this website the last few weeks as I am worried about my mental state collapsing in front of me as we speak.
I feel that I had aniexty for around 8 years to a lessee extent, sure I was unhappy back then....but at least I would have my happy period and would generally feel content about life.
However in the October of this year, I was randomly researching the internet to look at random things as I was having mild leg pain from no real cause. I searched leg pain onto good ol' Google and what I saw was numerous search results showing all the worst illnesses and conditions around.
From that point on my mental state collasped as soon as the time it took to type "leg pain" onto Google. Soon after I believe I have became a total physcopath with SERVERE hypochondria (Health Aniexty), sure everyone get nervous about C and other illnesses.....but MY GOD these dreadful thought made me not sleep properly, had no appitite and I could not leave my bedroom.
I was a mess for around 2 weeks as I continued to consult Dr Google to always give me the worst case scenario possible..... Constantly checking my body for symptoms of any kind, wanting to go to the doctors 24/7 of any bump or scratch on my body which would lead to a vicious cycle and leading to me getting more symptoms, worrying even more about these symptoms and vise versa.
I even starting looking at articles on how things like water, processesed meats and even some veg give you a higher risk to C and I am like "Oh GOD!"
Now I cannot even function properly anymore, I am 19 years old and I am already worrying about life in the worst, most pessimistic view possible and it has ruined my excitment for Christmas as it is now replaced it with fear and worry.
Google literally ruined my mental state as we all know the negative information always seems to get our attention more on the internet, which makes these articles a piority on search results.
I know I am blabbing here but I never had aniexty feel this debilitating on me up until now, I feel worse than a car wreck and I know a few people on here feel the same too.
It has got to the point where if I will see a spot on my skin, I will lose my mind and go into a cynical depression for several hours until I play a video game to clear my mind from these awful thoughts.
Aniexty is one of the worst, most debilitating things I have ever seen as I understand where all of you are coming from now, it has ruined me while I am in University too as I became a nervous wreck.
I am 19 for hell's sake and all I feel now is constant impending doom which has ruined me and my sense of sanity.
How the hell am I supposed to enjoy Christmas now when all I do is sit there and worry about every single thing on the aspect of life and it is not like the internet/media make it much better either!
I feel like I am in breaking point as my health aniexty has never been higher! Don't worry about the Doctors, I have already got a scheduled appointment made in for January next year so until then all I can do is wait.
Mental Health is the most important aspect of a person's life I am afraid.
It is like what the title says. "What the hell have I done?"
Thank You for reading this awfully long post!
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