What the hell have I done?

Posted , 6 users are following.

I am new to this site, my name is Alexander and I am 19 years old.

I have been scanning around this website the last few weeks as I am worried about my mental state collapsing in front of me as we speak.

I feel that I had aniexty for around 8 years to a lessee extent, sure I was unhappy back then....but at least I would have my happy period and would generally feel content about life.

However in the October of this year, I was randomly researching the internet to look at random things as I was having mild leg pain from no real cause. I searched leg pain onto good ol' Google and what I saw was numerous search results showing all the worst illnesses and conditions around.

From that point on my mental state collasped as soon as the time it took to type "leg pain" onto Google. Soon after I believe I have became a total physcopath with SERVERE hypochondria (Health Aniexty), sure everyone get nervous about C and other illnesses.....but MY GOD these dreadful thought made me not sleep properly, had no appitite and I could not leave my bedroom.

I was a mess for around 2 weeks as I continued to consult Dr Google to always give me the worst case scenario possible..... Constantly checking my body for symptoms of any kind, wanting to go to the doctors 24/7 of any bump or scratch on my body which would lead to a vicious cycle and leading to me getting more symptoms, worrying even more about these symptoms and vise versa.

I even starting looking at articles on how things like water, processesed meats and even some veg give you a higher risk to C and I am like "Oh GOD!"

Now I cannot even function properly anymore, I am 19 years old and I am already worrying about life in the worst, most pessimistic view possible and it has ruined my excitment for Christmas as it is now replaced it with fear and worry.

Google literally ruined my mental state as we all know the negative information always seems to get our attention more on the internet, which makes these articles a piority on search results.

I know I am blabbing here but I never had aniexty feel this debilitating on me up until now, I feel worse than a car wreck and I know a few people on here feel the same too.

It has got to the point where if I will see a spot on my skin, I will lose my mind and go into a cynical depression for several hours until I play a video game to clear my mind from these awful thoughts.

Aniexty is one of the worst, most debilitating things I have ever seen as I understand where all of you are coming from now, it has ruined me while I am in University too as I became a nervous wreck.

I am 19 for hell's sake and all I feel now is constant impending doom which has ruined me and my sense of sanity.

How the hell am I supposed to enjoy Christmas now when all I do is sit there and worry about every single thing on the aspect of life and it is not like the internet/media make it much better either!

I feel like I am in breaking point as my health aniexty has never been higher! Don't worry about the Doctors, I have already got a scheduled appointment made in for January next year so until then all I can do is wait.

Mental Health is the most important aspect of a person's life I am afraid.

It is like what the title says. "What the hell have I done?"

Thank You for reading this awfully long post!

Alexander.

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17 Replies

  • Posted

    Dear Alexander

    Why are you waiting until January next year before you see a doctor, speaking from experience you have to go as soon as the syptoms arrive.

    I have had anxiety since I hit the change at 38 but last December it got really bad and I knew the reason was the loss of my wonderful husband but my doctor has been great and refered me to CBT.  Please see a doctor before Christmas.

     

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  • Posted

    sorry mate but like all of you on hear  are all infected with life and the streesses it puts us under.

    the only way to get out of it is to reboot, re program.

    Realise there is no need to worry about anything, because there isnt.

    Cancer, if you got it there is nothing you can do about it.

    Accept your going to die, we all do die, so why worry 

    Its living your scared of

    worry, fear, anxiety are all the same.

    There is nothing to fear but fear itself

    its a monster that lives and thrives in us and unchecked can lead to death.

    Understand that these feelings you are getting is an infection, but not one that any doctor or councilor can help with.

    Sorry mate its down to you to face up, get some balls and confront your fears and fight for your life because nobody else will or is capable of helping you.

    Reprogram your mind to understand that all these things are in your head and you are in control of it all. these feelings want to live in you, they like to live like you, they dont want to die, so they throw you another thought to keep you of gard so eventualy you dont even know what started them in the first place.

    trust me I know, ive suffered for nearly 50 yrs with these thoughts but now ive got there number and it was all helped along with the first new thought we should all take on board.

    Dont worry whats happening , now, then, later, before.

    Say to yourself do your worse, but dont worry because you will see he has no power over you, he just makes you think he does with fear.

    You know who im talking about, hes a sneaky mother ^%$£ and he has you just where he wants you, so find some strength to defeat him or you will be stuck forever.

    And that goes for all of you out there, you are the masters of your own mind.

    Good luck

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    • Posted

      I know, the main problem is I am simply seeing life in a pessimistic point of view and I am letting mind fester on all this negativity and uncertainty.

      At the end of the day life has it high points as well as it's struggles, we can only enjoy life if we have the right mental capacity to do so.

      Thank you for responding guys, may your mental health stay really well I hope smile!

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    • Posted

      Thank you!

      I don't know why it is just my Brain has decided to go all loopy on me and it just seems I have constant panic attack now.

      Health Aniexty is absolutely dreadful and I would not wish it on anyone!

      I hope you are doing fine yourself and I hope life is going well for you smile!

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    • Posted

      The internet is full of sensationalized doom .I know cause the idea of finding SAFE food occupied me for quite awhile.I had to stop researching.Food should be enjoyable and use common sense,well I had to.It was driving me crazy.After I stopped looking up the dangers side and just looked at "benifits"of eating certain foods,things played out better.Look at remedies for sore legs.or your symptoms.google how exercise can help you feel better.Whenever I get a sport related injury ,I just view it as minor cause it is and then I google tips for recovery.usually this shows lots of things to do that show positive outcome
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    • Posted

      Yes ,I am a competitive athlete for endurance .triathlon and mountain bike.I was alwayys thinking about energy and fuel but as I researched and through trial I just use water now and use a combination of nuts to nibble on.Anything sugar was taking much needed water from my muscles to digest.I eliminated fruit from my diet as well except tomatoes.Now I eat mostly veggies and stay away from bread as it too can spike sugar.IF you want to look at healthy eating I would say the glycemic index is very helpful .Low glycemic foods take longer to digest and you feel full longer.Too low sugar or too high can affect mood.When I was younger I was sugar addict but now that I have eliminated it food never tasted better.My brain was desensitized .I also dont crave sugar anymore.which was a problem.Google "list of low glycemic foods"you will also find explanation more detailed
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