What the hell is the matter with me?!

Posted , 3 users are following.

So it's been a while now and I can't really say how many doctors I've been to, but no luck whatsoever. I'm a 21 year old and I can say my life has been a bit of a horror for the last couple of years. Sorry for being overly dramatic but I'm a little bit desperate over here   

I must apologise about this insanely long post, but I just need someone to listen! Please help!  

- First of all I have difficulty breathing. Like I can't breathe in all the way or yawn properly, and when I do it feels like I still lack oxygen. It feels like suffocating. Also my nose is constantly blocked. - there's a weird feeling of fullness in my head and pressure in my left ear. I also sometimes get tinnitus in my left ear but it goes away quickly -my tongue and lips feel kind of numb and sometimes chewing or swallowing feels weird - I also feel like my eyes are tired all the time and I can't keep eye contact sometimes like my eyes just drift away. And also they feel quite itchy and watery - my body is generally stiff and achy but mostly neck - there's also a weird feeling in my hands. Stiffnes, painful fingers in the morning and sometimes even like my hands don't belong to me (rarely happens in feet) - my brain sometimes feels foggy - I feel anxious and stressed all the time (even though there's no reason to be and I'm just chilling watching tv or something) - I feel like I can't have a conversation without becoming seriously breathless, dizzy and stiff (like everything worsens then) - my hands feel quite restless and uneasy (which oddly goes away when I wrap my wrists and hands with elastic bandage) - sometimes my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my chest (but my heartbeat never raises above 80) - I feel tired all the time like I haven't slept in days even if I sleep a lot - I have trouble falling asleep at night. I feel shaky and wake up many times often gasping for air and this keeps me up until 4-5 am - I also sometimes experience depersonalisation and derealisation  

This feeling never goes away   

And brethlessness, uneasiness in my body and weird numbness worsens if I drink coffe, alcohol, energy drinks, attempt exercise, talk to someone, or talk in general, sing (which is devastating given that I studied singing my whole life and it means THE WOLRD to me)... Thus far I've been diagnosed with iron deficiency anaemia and anxiety, but I was never ever anxious in my life before I started feeling ill which means that my anxiety is not a cause but a symptom and my anaemia is quite mild so I've been told it shouldn't cause any problems (and I take iron supplements every single day). Also pulmologists disagree whether I do have mild asthma or not, but they also say it's so mild it shouldn't be a problem. I went to several neurologists, cardiologists, otorhinolaryngologists, endocrinologists and many others and all of them say everything is okay. Also my blood work is great apart from iron levels which are a bit low. No one has an answer and they all say I'm quite healthy. This used to come and go for 4 years but it wasn't as bad all the time so I had quite a normal life when it wasn't happening, but since March last year it got so bad I rarely leave the house. Which is very frustrating given that I go to university and I have to work extra hard to make up for the poor attendance record (which is also really hard sometimes because I feel so ill I can't even study). Not to mention I haven't seen any of my friends in so long. I was so desperate I went to see both psychologist and a psychiatrist. But I don't feel like I need it! my head is in a good place but my body is desperate   Even tried acupuncture, life coaching, alternative medicine, NOTHING helped. And they all promised it would be better. 

Someone PLEASE help!! I want my life back!


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  • Posted

    Well... If you have the body feels like jelly... Muscles feel achey like.... Heavy eyes and like never feel refreshed 24/7. Then I fit in with what your saying.
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  • Posted

    Seek a therapist in the anxiety field. It's depression and anxiety. It can create scary things. Our minds are powerful. The therapist should be one that has gone through this themselves. I am here if you are scared. Believe me it is fear creating most of this.
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