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Whats going on with me ?!

Posted , 4 users are following.

jess44253
jess44253

So this is my story, i have been feeing very low for awhile now, i am finding myself thinking such dark things more and more (ive never thought such things before) it is so easy for me to act happy and bubbly while i am at work or around family so no one notices aything is wrong however when i am to go home or have some down time i break down i will stay in bed i will cry i will eat too much or i wont eat for days. i feel so hopeless and worthless like no one would care if anythig was to happen to me. i dont know what to do i am to scared to tell anyone sad 

1 like, 38 replies

38 Replies

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  • michael_37726
    michael_37726 jess44253

    Posted

    Hi jess

    Sounds like all the classic signs of depression you need to get a GP appointment it's no good struggling along in your own. There are many different treatments available so don't suffer in silence. You have made the first step already by coming in this forum so that's a great start. Don't think that your strange if odd because your not your just suffering from depression like so many other people. When you feel like this your mind will trick you into thinking that you will never feel better but just not true. If you get the help you need then you will be ok I'm sure. Always come on here if you feel you need anymore help and advice we all understand and someone will always reply. You may feel like your alone but your not at all

    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      if i was to go to the doctor what am i to say ? i dont feel as if anyone would take me seriously. im not a down person ive always been happy, to seek help would make this all very real and i am scared of that. i never have any energy anymore if im not at work i am in bed. i want help but i am just so scared to reach out   
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Please honey there is nothing to be scared of I assure you that. The doctors see a very large amount of people every week with these kind of problems. It's nothing they haven't heard many times before. Al you need to do is explain to the doc exactly what you have explained on this forum. I now it seems scary to you, I remember the first time I went to my doc about it. You will feel so much better once you have told the doc your problems I assure you. I'm assuming that you are very young and frightened but but just try to find the strength to get to your doctors honey it will not be as hard as you think. I really feel for you and just wish I could give you a big hug. Have you got a friend that would go to the docs with you? Maybe that would make it more easy for you 
  • michael_37726
    michael_37726 jess44253

    Posted

    Is there anything you can think of that may of triggered this all off. Sometimes if something bad has happened it can make us feel this way, have you just come out of a relationship? Or is someone at work bullying you. Sorry if it sounds like I'm being nosy I'm just trying to find out if something bad has happened making you feel like this. With some people this can just happen without a trigger as it did with me, I spent years trying to think why this had happened but could never think of anything and that been very hard for me. 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      i am very scared because this isnt me. ive kept all my friends and family at a distance i will not let them get close after i had a bad experience when i went to confide in someone. 2 weeks ago i lost someone close to me but that did not trigger this, this started 6-9 months ago. i look in the mirror and i do not recognize myself i hate everything about me. work is the only thing that is stopping me from staying in bed all the time there is alway problems at work since i work for a large company, im the type of person who will put anyone and everyone before myself but yet everyone is quick to judge me when  i am to say no (to say no to someone is very hard for me) there is no one around me that would understand or even try to understand. i am alone in this one
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      I'm so sorry to hear all this it's all very sad and I know what you mean about putting others before yourself as iv always done the same but it seems no one appreciates it. It's just a shame you have no one to confide in coming on here is very good but not the same as having someone with you in this time of need. Believe me if I lived near you I would come and take you to the doctors but I would expect you live miles away from me. All I can do is be here for you to give help and advice as anyone else on this forum will as well 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      i just dont know what to do.. i was prescribed these painkillers a couple of months ago and at the moment they sit next to my bed and i stare at them and all i can think is everything would be so much better off and i wouldnt feel this way anymore. i know i shouldnt but i cant help myself and i just feel so down! i would be nice if i did know someone who genuinely cared about me but in the end people only care because they will get something from me not just because they can care. 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      I know what you mean about people as that been my experience too but it doesn't mean that everyone is like that. I have met some wonderful people on this forum that do care about me and in sure you will too. I care about you and I don't even know you so please don't think no one cares its just that there are a few nasty people around and will only help if there is something in it for themselves and that very selfish. And about the pill, I have got some pills in the cupboard and have felt like taking them at times but the thing that stops me is the fact that if I done that then I would never experience being well and happy so please try and think like that yourself . Just because you are feeling like this now does not mean you always will believe me. Do you know what I look in the mirror sometimes and don't see anything I like about myself and also think that no one cares but that's all in our minds. Loads of people like me and tell my family what a nice bloke I am but I can tend to forget about all that when I'm down 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726

      Posted

      Please try not to isolate yourself iv done that and it seems a good idea at the time but its not good long term it's ok to have your own space but not 24/7. Even if you feel you can't go out and face the world just come on here and talk. I find that talking to someone is helpfull to me. Also please don't think that you are odd or weird because of how your feeling, your depressed that's all it is and it's nothing to be ashamed of or em arrest about. I have a lot of experience with this and also a lot if knowledge through the massive amount of research I have done over the years. I don't see myself as a GP or a phyciatrist it's just that I have been there and fully understand everything you say you are feeling 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726

      Posted

      Ps sorry about my spelling its this stupid phone not me lol 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726

      Posted

      It's late and I guess you need to sleep but please remember I will always be here if you need someone to talk to and I just want to help you through this as much as I possibly can 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      I know I'm a man and I cry a lot  and I'm not afraid to admit it.  Crying is good as its release so let it all out and don't try not to cry . It's normal and natural and nothing to worry about 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      behind closed doors im borken i let everything out, i dont want anyone to see me like this ever! i am affraid that one day it will all get to much for me and ill be at work or with family and i will loose it and i wont be able to come back from it. im very good at hiding things so no one really knows who i am and i dont think i even know myself anymore
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Yes I can totally relate to that because I'm the same. But I have never lost it and I think that's because it's in our minds and its not real. And also I don't know myself at times in fact I just don't feel like me it's like there is another person inside me taking control over my feeling and emotions. But the thing that I have learnt is that it's my mind playing sick games with me and its not the true reality. But you must try to remember that it's not always going to be like this and you are not stuck like this forever. I'm down at the moment but I can cope with it because iv been here before and come through it and you will too honey 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      i have lost it once before when i first started to feel down, i had just been given a promotion at work and i felt like i was failing i still do i have no idea what im doing! my boss and i were in the office and i broke down. he doesnt know what is going on beacuse i dont want to be judged. i kinda wish you were here so i could tell you everything it seems like you get me more than i get myself ....
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      That sounds like low self esteem to me and that's all part of depression 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      i have bad anxiety i force myself at work i really have to as i manage over 90 people and i can barley deal with people. i feel like ive only got worse and as time goes on its not getting any better. 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Well your very brave to do that. The problem is that if you anxiety is not treated it will get worse that why you really need to see a doctor and sounds like you could do with some time off work or you could end up burning yourself out
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726

      Posted

      Sorry about the spelling again this phone is playing up bloody thing
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      it already has got worse i just dont want to be that person who has problems. i dont want to be looked at or treated the way that they do with others. time off work you must be making a joke because that isnt going to happen  
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Sounds like your job must be very high profile so I understand how hard it must be. I myself have my own business so it's hard for me to take time off 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      it kinda is and it demands so much of me and the people are what can make me worse at times i have no idea what to do with myself thats why i keep thinking thigs will be better off if i just wasnt here
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Yes I think that at times about myself but the way I see it is that if I take my life then that permanent and this illness is tempory and its just a matter of getting the right help and getting through it. I know that all sounds impossible right now but it can be done. I talk to loads of people that have been through all this and come out the other side 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      thank you so much for making me feel like im not alone in this but i still dont kow if i can do this
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Your more than welcome and as much as you may feel alone you really not. You can do this I know it feels like you can't right now but you will be surprised how it will pass. Do you know that depression is called the curse of the strong. You are strong but you just don't know it. You have reached out for help by coming on this forum and that takes courage and strength to do that. You don't see it yourself but your on your way to getting well now you have taken the first step and the first step is the hardest so well done honey 
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      how am i ment to cope ? what do i do ? im panicking because everything is closing in around me and and i have no idea what to do. i came on here because i find it easier to talk or to read with out actually having to speak that probably sounds really bad but i just dont know anymore 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      It's ok I understand I really do and it's hard for me to tell you how to cope because we all cope different. Reading and talking on here is good because its a distraction and that's what I do I try to do things that distract me and find that it helps a bit. I think that's why I always feel worse when I'm at home as I live alone but when I'm working its not to bad because I'm thinking about my work and not thinking to much about how crap I feel. I will have to get some sleep now I'm starting to get tired but I will keep my phone by my bed so if you get to a really bad crisis point and need to talk then please do I don't mind I'm here for you. Ps if you can't sleep try to distract yourself by reading or something or maybe look on the Internet on things about coping with anxiety and depression there is lots of good advice on there. We can talk again later if you like I'm always here and will always reply and try to help you as much as I can
    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. I know im not alone but I really feel alone friends and family that are close to me don't even know who I am so when I talk to them and they don't understand or they say something that makes me feel even worse I just shut down and this is happening every day so it doesn't matter what I do im always like this snd I have no idea how to cope 
    • michael_37726
      michael_37726 jess44253

      Posted

      Hi jess

      I'm hoping your feeling better today and I see that some other people have sent you messages of hope. See people do care don't they? X

    • jess44253
      jess44253 michael_37726

      Posted

      No I don't feel any better. People on here care because they have been there amd know what its like but the ones I really need to care just don't and that makes me feel soooooo worthless !!
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