Posted , 5 users are following.
I was married for 14 years. We were happy, I thought. I had been a house wife for a very long time. His choice not mine. When I finally went back to school I had to keep my major a secret. My ex always said I couldnt do nursing. It was to stressful and I couldnt handle it. It had always been my dream to be a nurse. When I started to go to school things were very stressfull. Eventually he found out I was going for nursing. He would pick fights with me nights before major tests. He would start fights while I was trying to study. The stress got to me. We had had some problems before that led to me having trust issues with him. We got into a huge fight one night. I was at my wits end. I said it. I wanted a divorce. I didnt even mean it. I was just mad. then he finally admited to cheating. I was heart broken. I mean I knew it all along but having him admit it was brutal. He spent the next two months telling me what an aweful human being I was. He emptied our bank account and wouldnt let me leave unless where I went was walking distance or to run a house hold chore. I wanted to take it back, but how could I when everyday he was tearing me down. Slowly killing who I was every day. After Christmas I left. I had to leave my children with him. He made all the money and I was a poor student. after I moved we began to talk again. slowly. We were intamet. We went through with the divorce. I felt like it would be best if we started over. we made a date to talk. a week after the papers were signed. we didnt get married on the right terms and the first few years of our marraige was hard. I wanted to start over. I wanted to date, get to know each other and eventually be equalls in our relationship. Something I never felt like I was. The week we were supposed to meet he met a new girl. this was four monthes ago. They got engaged last week. The depression weighs on me like a ton of bricks. I have cried everyday for the past 7 months. Evn though my kids are ith me for the summer It still doesnt help. I have to hide and cry. Its getting hard to keep it together at work. I still have a year of school left. 13 months to be exact. Once im out of school im taking what ittle money I can save and Im moving back home to be with my boys. Im so scared that while im in school my ex will do something to try and take my kids away. He doesnt want them, but he so mad at me for telling him i love him and emailing him, and trying to make him reconsider that he already took back the car he gave me while we were married and he threatned to get a restraining order. Now he doesnt talk to me at all. My depression is so bad that its physically painful. My anxiety is eating me alive. In 7 months im down from 230lbs to 150lbs and still losing. I no longer have insurance to get medical attention and Im dont want to fail out of Nursing school because I cant control the sadness. Does anyone have any advice? Anyone ever been through something similar and made it through to the other side? I feel so alone, so lost and confused and so unloved. It hurts.
1 like, 36 replies