When is enough , enough...

Posted , 5 users are following.

i am so close.. it's like even if i have good days.. it's in the back of my mind on when will i screw up this good day or feelings.. i have realized i am a toxic person.. i guess i always knew i was.. but tonight i did something that is unforgivable to our 5 year old.. my husband and i have had issue since january.. my husband got caught texting a chic who was saved in his phone under a mans name and he told her he wanted to hang out with her.. when confronted .. he admitted to being attarcted to her, she was 15 years younger, it was an ego boost, they flirted.. but he had no plans on cheating on me.. which .. that is hard to choke down.. like someone saying.. i went to the bar but i wasnt going to drink.. i went to the wellness clinic but i wasn't gonna smoke any weed..   so since all that i have struggled.. he finds no guilt in what he done.. it took 3 hours to get home from work 35 mins away.. i got uneasy.. and when we argued.. it came out of my mouth at the dinner table that .. well you was trying to f*ck another chic at work....  yea.. i said that infront of a 5 year old.. my heart sank.. i was so angry that my temper took me there.. i called my niece over to read her a bed time story.. and afterwards i went into apologise to her.. she said she was ignoring us... but i know she heard it.. ..  and now i suffer in a different way that i have caused again to myself.. my husband did tell me that our life was stale.. and lame.. and i spent to much on facebook.. which that goes back and forth.. i can't drive and text..but he can all the time.. rather were in the car or not.. i can't be on the computer all night but he can lay on the couch and watch fishing videos on his phone.. or text sluts.. but he felt neglected.... i just wish this whole ordeal would of never happened.. but it did and it's one more obstical i have figure out .. but i am tired.. i am in a spiral out of control... i have found a lump in my arm pit.. i missed my doc appt. ... iwould never hurt my kids.. but seriously.. how would their life not b better without me.. 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Rebecca your having a tough time sweet.

    What you did in front of your daughter was wrong but give it a bit of time then talk to her explain and all will be ok dont beat yourself up about it.

    You have to decide if you want to be in a relationship like this He has cheated,if he does it once he probably do it again and he is controlling.

    So you have to decide if you want to go on like this or do you want to get your life back and be happy.

    If you are not already doing it getting on medication for your depression and consider therapy.

    At the end of the day sweet its your life and you have to decide what you want

    Stay Strongcry

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  • Posted

    hi rebecca x

    yes its hard, yes itas tough but you are so loved and important to your kids x

    like dory says ... just keep swimming.

    yes i know im a hypercrit 

    but please do talk with your doctor xx 

    ive failed in letting mine help me and now im where i am.

    you sound like your in a bad place right now x but hope your through it soon xs 

    caz

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  • Posted

    Their lives would be better without you and your b/f being together...not with LOSING you...think about the abandonment and mental torture your child would go thru if you did something to harm or kill yourself.

    ​You sound like you have the same disorder as I do...Borderline Personality...anger is a big red flag for this disorder...depression and anxiety as well.

    ​Why do you want to be with someone that treats you this way? I know you don't...but you are blaming yourself for your actions...and he is just a contolling, mean, un trusting person....you need to get away from him for the health of yourself and your child.

    ​And please seek medical help for your way of thinking...and possibly some medication to help you feel better. sad

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    • Posted

      hi missy im glad you mentiopnedf bpd 

      i say this as i myself was diagnosed last year.

      its one of the hardest mental conditions to try and deal with.

      i myself made a serious attempt at end of may and there are so many triggers which affectc anyone living with it.

      i hope she feels able to get some help

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  • Posted

    Hey Rebecca,

    There is nothing wrong with suffering, what we need to worry about is how we decide to deal with it. We need to accept the fact that life is not always going to be the way we plan it. I have been suffering with GAD for more than 5 years now, only because my mother couldn't pay attention to the problems I was having. It's OK if you said something in front of your child, don't feel sorry for yourself, just make it up to her by being open to her about how you feel sometimes and that she may feel different at times too, and that it is something she can always come to you to discuss.

    Secondly, have you tried consultation? I think you and your husband should visit a psychologist, because there is no such thing as a perfect couple trust me. The only issue which I think here is that it is never going to be enough. When you suffer from anxiety your mind is like a ball of negative thoughts, and I can totally relate to how that makes you feel. It just destroys relationships. Please be patient with yourself, cheating is not acceptable but you have to focus on your child's future too, so you and your husband should talk about it only when both of you are ready to talk AND LISTEN to each other, meditate, get it out by excercising. Make something for yourself, it's a tendency in us women to leave everything about ourselves in the name of love.

    I pray and hope that the Almighty has mercy on you and blesses you with solutions for what you're going through.

    Stay strong. We have to be.

    Meke

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