Where do I start?

Posted , 6 users are following.

I'll start here. I am 30 Male. I have never seeked help. I come from a Father who suffered from anxiety. A mother who is free as a bird from these things and has no interest. Its hereditary I take it. I have always felt disconnected. Never have been in a relationship. I have had very close friends but also have had my "alone periods" where I don't socialize at all. As a young man I never felt alone because I had a twin. I am 30 now and I live in a place where I came from but did not grow up in. I have a good job but no friends or social life. I live in proximity of my small family but am alone most of the time. I am growing tired of my disinterest in a meaningful life. I want to be close to people but push them away. I have a lot of insecurities and lack confidence. But I am not timid or weak. I do and will fight back. There are times where I bite my tounge because of how I might react. I do have rage problems but I don't act out instead I hold it in. I am aware of my issues but have no remedy. As I am aware I am ignorant at the same time. I feel I have so many different issues because I have evidence of it all. If you made it this far thank you for your time. I am one who gives advise better then I take it.

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  • Posted

    If you have hobbies join some groups . bridge or walking groups. Exercise or yoga. Join long term groups so you have time to make and renew friendships
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    • Posted

      I am antiocial. I thought about groups but to me its to cheesy a way to meet people. I am a loner at heart. I bet if I forced myself I would enjoy it but my social awkwardness would jump out. Im young and I cuss. Thank you for the input it does help. I don't feel alone here and that helps. Thanks

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    • Posted

      Apparently you can't say the S word. We're not all adults here apparently. I am somewhat antisocial so I can be awkward socially at times especially around an older croud such as bridge or book club. I still feel outcastish around the younger croud. I don't advert eye contact its much more what I say. I can be vulgar and or cuss to make uninteresting people interesting.. I'm a tough egg I tell ya. Exercise and diet has helped a bit. Thank you!

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  • Posted

    "I am growing tired of my disinterest in a meaningful life. I want to be close to people but push them away". Epic post!

    I'm in prettyI I am pretty much in the same boat as you, but the anxiety comes from my mother's side, along with the gift of depression. I really wish I had the answers for you.

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  • Posted

    I have anxiety & depression. Lately, my depression is getting better, but I still keep pushing people away. sad

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    • Posted

      What I have noticed its my attitude towards my self which I project out to others. I don't love myself enough to respect others and honestly love others. As much love as I have to give I feel it would never happen . learn to love ourselves first right ? But how genuinely? its like carrying around a fake smile.

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    • Posted

      HeyYou, this is exactly where I am - how do we love ourselves?  I heard someplace once that the "how" questions in life are the hardest.  I'm really self-critical, learned from a lifetime of my mother criticizing me.  So I gain satisfaction, unfortunately, from criticizing others.  Awful.

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  • Posted

    thats me with no confidence or self estemm this started as a child when i had a turbulant childhood and I was bullied as a child even to this day my father still has an impact and he lives 400 miles away. I have suffered stress/anxiety/depression for most of my life. Im now fifty three and this last episode being the worst has made me look at my life and take control. I am now have regular medication and Im starting cbt next week with the right  help and treatment what ever you chose you will get through it

     

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    • Posted

      Have you gone on and off medication, or primarily stayed on it? I'm curious because I'm currently off, but considering going back on it. I don't want to keep going back and forth, so I would most likely stay on it for life. I'm 45, and to the point of just accepting that's what I may possibly have to do to have quality of life.

      Thanks

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    • Posted

      I have reached the point that quality of life outweighs length of life. This is really the question. I have decided that at my age I have to decide whether to sacrifice time now for more time later. At my age, quality is outweighing time. I am older than you, so your answer to that might be different. It also depends on family and how you feel about your job and interests. I am off some meds and will stay off, but will remain on another depending if the side effects are worth it.You are in your middle years, I am in my later years, having had much fun, many challenges and successes and my bucket list is done. Actually, this forum had infused me with renewed energy as I have been in the business of helping people for years and consider it a gift and a privilege to be of assistance here, as well as get answers I need and a chance to learn even more. So, my quality of life has improved by finding this site. Do what your heart dictates and ignore what others say. Be happy, and when you find what provides that, go for it whatever it takes. You won't regret it. Do what will really lift you. What makes you smile. What makes you glad to wake up in the morning.

       

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    • Posted

      I can relate to you as I have been bullied too and I have also been the bully. Between me and you violence helped me. I fought my bullies and hurt them and they stopped. I am not a violent person BUT it helped at the time. I feel though it stuck with me through how I gauge others. I always expect people to be worse then they actually are before I know them. Not a fare trait. But I have noticed it and its helped me recognized it through my transactions as an abult because that doesn't fly in the work place hahaha. Thank you! For your input.

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    • Posted

      Good to hear. I agree there are times where I feel down and I Google it and I find I'm not alone or weird and that itself does a lot. It means a lot to have found a community like this.

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    • Posted

      I hope it's okay to jump in here.  I'm also 45 and have had lifelong anxiety and have always known that I get it from my mom.  In the last couple of years, she's told me two things:  she believes she has GAD, and she believes that I "learned" anxiety from her and has apologized for it.  But she'll never get help for herself.  I'm determined to have a different outcome, but I've had Crohn's disease for 20 years and am also in perimenopause.  So I am working on a quality of life, take it a day at a time approach.  I've had enough health scares that I'm less concerned about length of life than about quality.  Cia, thank you for your post here.  I really appreciate your thoughts about doing what will really lift us.

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    • Posted

      I'm so glad that you brought up perimenopause, because that's another thing I've been wondering about. I had a hysterectomy a few years back, but the egg baskets (ovaries) are still intact. Once this change takes place, I'll having no way of knowing about it except through emotions. Scary! lol Sure, there's FSH tests, but I'm more concerned with how I'll feel. No doubt that anxiety and depression will get worse, and that's another reason why I'm considering going back on Zoloft. Quality of life is definitely better than constantly fighting. That gets so tiring.

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    • Posted

      Psyched, I got confirmation of being in peri 2 years ago after having panic attacks for about 3 days straight.  Had a few symptoms that came and went. Now I have lots of symptoms and had to have an ovary removed; still have the other one plus uterus.  I knew definitely I was in it when my anxiety went through the roof.  Have wasted a lot of energy in recent years in trying to "fix" things without getting help.  It never works.  I always wind up with anxiety getting worse.  You're right, quality of life is much better that constantly fighting.

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    • Posted

      Trying to fix the anxiety and/or depression through means other than medication may work for some people, but definitely not all. After years of trying to fix it, both on and off medication, has been draining. I stopped my Zoloft 4 or 5 years ago, cold turkey, and without letting my doctor know. (Stupid move) I still had Xanax on hand for breakthrough moments, but rarely needed them. I definitely thought that I had the situation handled, but life happens, and it proved to me that this illness never fully goes away. Including me, there's been 6 family members with anxiety and/or depression, I just turned 45 last month, after tons of tests, cancer scares, and bad labs, I ended up getting my gallbladder removed last month as well. Instead of 4 incisions they had to do 5 because the gallbladder fused itself to my liver. One incision above the belly button is refusing to close properly, so life is on hold until then. Prior to this, I lost my mom to cancer a year , two months after her 68th birthday. The original cancer was cured, but it had gone to her heart in the meantime, but nobody knew it. From diagnosis to death was only 5 months. Since I own a duplex and she lived downstairs, my brother and sister left absolutely everything up to me, but it was my pleasure to be her advocate, caregiver, housekeeper, daughter, and friend. Different roles for different situations, and emotions was needed. So, after adding all of this up, it's no wonder why I'll probably never be anxiety free without meds. Even when off meds, and life was fine, anxiety and panic were always lurking or having to be dealt with. I'm just tired of fighting, and knowing that menopause is right around the corner, if not already starting, really makes it seem that things will get worse. Between life, heredity and hormones, women sure take a beating.

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    • Posted

      We definitely take a beating, and it seems to get worse as we get older and so many losses and health issues happen.  It is good that you were there for your mom, but certainly that responsibility took a toll on you.  I hope your incision heals soon!  My family has some similar situations, two elderly relatives for whom my parents are caregivers, my sister divorced last year and she and her two boys moved in with my parents, my mom had a full knee replacement 8 months ago, then I had the ovary and three polyps removed, have a colonoscopy coming up on Tuesday... it never ends.  And, as you say, there are the issues with some family members not helping... we have that with the two elderly relatives.  I was on Xanax only briefly 20 years ago; it was shortly after my Crohn's diagnosis, and I'd been put on prednisone for what turned out to be 2.5 years.  I had awful panic attacks, cried all the time... didn't take the Xanax for long because I was afraid of it.  I don't know yet what the solution will be for my anxiety, but one is needed.

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    • Posted

      The other day, I saw on TV  a doctor of great respect in his field. He said he had to go to another doctor, older and wiser, to ask him at what point, and how, to help his elderly  or very ill patients face the facts and decide whether to (in his words) sacrifice quality of life now, in order to have a little more time later. He learned how to have this conversation with his patients. He said when almost all of the people actually were engaged in this discussion that he opened with them, were pleased to hear the reality of the situation, and almost all of those chose to go home and make plans that included the fact that time was short (because of age or illness) an they needed to decide what thibgs they wanted to do, what things they wanted to say, trips they wanted to take, etc. and were peaceful and accepting. This was also very good for their families and friends. I have had this conversation about my own advanced years and physical failings with my son, one of my siblings and my best friend. I will find the right time to discuss this with the rest of family and friends when appropriate. I have no specific single problem, just a lot of them, but the fact is I am a very senior citizen. After 3 years of not facing the reality of life and death, I finally looked straight at the truth of my age and condition, and my life has changed for the better. I just found this forum a few days ago and am so very grateful to have found a place to share what i  have learned over the years of being a counselor, and to get help where needed, support when needed and wonderful feedback where I've been able to help. I consider this forum a very timely, very wonderful gift. I have been missing a way to be helpful since I retired at 72. It's lovely to not only get what I need, but to BE needed. Thank you all. Whether my last day is tomorrow or in 20 years no longer matters much. I just take it one day at a time and look for the joy in each day. One of my joys is this group. Blessings to all.

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    • Posted

      You know, even though I've had Crohn's for 20 years, and even had some other weird physical problems in childhood, including a few true scares, it's only been this year that I've realized that quality is more important to me than longevity.  It is a long story to explain.  I am grateful to be understanding that about my life, though.  I can stop beating myself up so much.  I can get the help I need for my anxiety.  Thanks for the kindness and advice you've all offered.

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    • Posted

      I have been on off it psyhed out but this last time ( it started about last oct) I went for weeks determined not to go back on it I cried every single day for three months and got lower and lower the the chest pains started the irrational thoughts and the papatations. I went to my doctor five months later had all the heart checks and bloods done and knew I needed to go back on them. its been different this time i hve had lots of support off my gp my boss and colleges and my family. I believe in holistic therapies and use essential oils with meditation. I too went through mental and physical bullying but it was as if a light had been put on im 53 Ive had this anxiety all my life no self esteem and no confidence but now what ever life i have left a good few years yet i hope I am going to enjoy it. i may never get rid of this illness completely but im going to contol it rather than it me. the ironic thing is i have three beautiful children and I have always brought them up to be confident and to enjoy life aia think its because I never had that for my self. I intend to come off my tablets very soon and stay off them for good
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    • Posted

      Keeping it one day at a time, just like coming off drugs or alcohol, or cigarettes works best for most of us. Today is the only day that really exists. Yesterday we find regret, guilt, hard times, etc. Tomorrow doesn't exist either except to bring what ifs, fear, etc. Today is the only day that is real, the only day we can really affect, the only day we can make a decision that we can carry out. I do my best to keep my attention in today, and spend each day looking for ways to be of service, find comfort and look for the fun in it, even sitting outside and watch a neighboring grandpa teach his grandson to pitch and catch. The little boy is very good, and even though've never met them, i applaud and cheer the little tyke. The more I can reach out, the more relaxed and peaceful I feel. On really tough days I go to the grocery store and complement people on their chidren, their pretty hair or blouse, etc. A couple of days ago standing in the pharmacy line I ended up teaching the lady behind me how to open and crack the claws on a Dungeoness crab, also one of the good foods for anxiety as they contain natural triptophan. Little children respond to my asking if they are married yet with either a bashful no, a big laugh or look at me like I'm nuts. All very enjoyable responses. I have learned to take my joy where I can find it.

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    • Posted

      I've never had depression to this extent, and the anxiety now is as bad as when I was first diagnosed 20 years ago. I'm back to not being able to drive, go shopping alone, basically do what makes a life normal. Xanax and melatonin help, but they're just bandaids. I use a meditation app on my phone, and buy the ones I like because they're only a couple dollars. They help me get some sleep, and are somewhat helpful for anxiety. During a panic attack, the meditation doesn't quite cut it. Currently, I rarely leave the house, not even to go in the yard to bbq, play with the dogs or just relax. Something about this time around is quite different, more intense. For months I've thought about writing my goodbye letters, and just leaving them in my laptop. Other times I decide to not write them as goodbye's, but more like chronicling random moments that each person has done that has made me laugh, be proud, and be appreciative of their existence in my life. Then I start thinking that's too much effort. lol I know I'm stronger than my illness, but still need to decide if going back on Zoloft will help me be even stronger. They're a pain to get off of, so it would be a life long decision I'd be making.

      I can relate to the no self esteem and lack of confidence, so thank you for sharing your knowledge with me.

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    • Posted

      You have goals. You list wonderful things that you like to do. You just need to get. Back to doing them. Some of these things you can do for others. Like BBQ ing with and for a friend. Shopping. And playing with the dogs for the good of the dogs. If you decide to take medicine start with a low dose
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