Where do I start - 8m on meds , cbt done and feels ive moved no where.

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Right , I have been on AD's since early Dec. Sertraline , then Mirtazipine added , chanegd to Venlafaxine , now on Citlalopram 40mg. I suffered with Depression in my late teens / early 20's then managed without meds until late 2014. But due to numerous things happening in the past and recent past everything got on top of me. 

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. This has caused me to have a lot of time off from work, although im back now on normal duties and I struggle with day to day tasks , Not many people know about my situation , just a handful of people . I ve always managed to hide stuff from them . But im finidng it increasingly more difficult , but i just canttalk to people - which im sure most will understand.

Ive done a course of cbt and im waiting on counselling. My company are good and they are supportive but i still feel im very vauge about what i tell them and that i need to be more open ? 

My reason for posting is , even after all this time , im still struggling with tiredness ,insomnia and struggle so much in the evenings mainly , i suppose its because during the day i have to focus on my child , school , work , etc then bam the evenings hit me like a brick. .... i start going over and over stuff from the past , and cant snap out of it , Keep questioinong whether something that happened to me was wrong or not and its driving me mad . !

then with the anxiety thrown in too its just too much , panic attacks are less frequent but still 2-3 p/w. Sometimes completely out of the blue , soemtimes i can just ' feel it ?' on edge and panicky all day then it hits me. 

I just dont know what to do / where to turn now sad

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  • Posted

    Hi Sarah, it sounds like you have been through a mincer since an early age. I do feel for you in an empathic way. You mentioned CBT and sometimes it does not work. What you could do is ask your psychiatrist if he knows any practitioner who's main theory is EMDR a form of therapy that a psychologist thought up one day when they were retuning home after a grueling day at the office with some very difficult cases that day. Whilst driving down the road they were recalling what had happened during the sessions and was quite wound up. When they arrived home they realised that their thoughts had suddenly changed from necative thoughts to positive thoughts. Hoe and why had that happened? On recalling the drive hone with the sun flickering through the trees for more than an hour the thoughts in her head changed. they told another colleague about what had happened and they started to do some research. Low and behold Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprograming was formed as a new therapy for people who had suffered PTSD and severe anxiety disorders due to trauma during their lives. Get help and ask to be put forward for several sessions of EMDR. Good luck Sarah and let us all know how you get on. It works in the most severe cases.
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  • Posted

    Hi Sarah. 

    I just came online to post pretty much exactly the same thing you wrote. Struggling with a major episode of depression since last SEptember and feel I am back to zero. Holding back tears, barely able to get up (if it wasnt for my dog) and zero energy or enjoyment in things that I used to love.

    I am so sick of going back to my pdoc today and telling her AGAIN that I dont feel I'm improving. I still dont feel myself. 

    I sometimes wonder if I even KNOW how I am supposed to feel as "myself". 

    Well... all I can come up with is: it will probably get better. I will probably try new meds. It will be another few weeks or months of depression and anxiety that feel as if someone was sitting on my chest and not let me breathe. 

    All the yoga and meditation in the world wont help here i am afraid. And I have just done 10 days of that.

    Hang in there girl.



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    • Posted

      Wow. I totally get what u mean when you say about not knowing how your MEANT to feel.. and it's like someone sitting on your chest. . I'm the same it's just so hard to describe.

      Today I have.gone from quite chilled out to feeling so depressed and then start feeling panicky because I can't control my emotions and thst I'm losing control of myself. Also just had a couple of days off work. .. and the thought of going bk feels me with dread. And it's so frustrating because everyone is so nice altho not many know but those who do are quite understanding , well as much as they can be as I think mental health is quite difficult for people to fully understand. Even just typing this stuff now is making my heart pound. I have an apt this wk but I just feel like I go in the room and I'm like blah blah blah.... I just want to go in and be like ' yeah I'm feeling better ' I just don't know how much more I can take x

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  • Posted

    It is a scary placeto be in when you feel so low and at your wits end, inspite of seeming outwardly to manage with the day to day routines of living. I am lucky in one way to have a good doctor I can tell all about my dark thoughts, my frustrations and fears, but even this does not stop the waves of anxiety and dread I seem to experience on a daily basis,more so in the evenings and when I wake again to another long day sad  I do understand all of what you are saying and I am grateful you felt you could share it. I hope my reply helped you too. Karen
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