Where to from here?

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My son was found dead on the 12th of September, 2017. He committed suicide by hanging. He was 14 years, 11 months and eight days old. He did this while i was eight hundred miles away on business. He was at home with his step mom and his two siblings and step sister. Best we can tell he got up about 4am and went out to my barn and hung himself. My wife, his step mom found him about 630am, resuscitation was futile. I have been tirelessly trying to figure out why and have come up with no answers. I attempted to start working again however it is hard to take anything serious. In other words my level of giving a f**k is not registering at all. I thought time might help however it seems to be hurting more as it is carrying me further from my son. I can't commit suicide. The problem is, i want to die. I can't wait to die.

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry for your loss, can't imagine how you're feeling, I wish I were in a better state of mind to offer advice but fear that even if could concentrate/think better I still wouldn't have the words, I just couldn't read this post without offering my condolences, I can imagine it doesn't mean much but I couldn't not reply, I am so so sorry for what you must be feeling right now xxxx

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  • Posted

    Hello. I am so very sorry about the loss of your son and though I cannot say I understand what you are feeling I do hear your pain in your writing. I think adolescents was difficult when I was growing up but nothing like what kids deal with today. How can we ever know why your son did what he did? My heart goes out to you and your family. Please know that we will be here for you and will support you in any way that we can. God bless! Diane. 
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  • Posted

    All I can do is send you hugs. I can’t ima  what you are going through. Take it one hour at a time. 
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  • Posted

    I, too am so sorry for your loss. No words will ever make you feel better, and I’m certainly in no position to even begin to understand what you are going through. The pain is clear in your writing. It is still such early days and you will have some stages of grief to process before you can make any sense of it. Keep talking and reaching out, please don’t do it alone. You need support and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Time will heal you. My sincere condolences. Julia 
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  • Posted

    So sorry for your loss i really am. All i can say is that ur son must have been in so much pain and wanted an end to that & not anything else. Its such a horrible illness and i feel so hurt that you have to go thru this now. Know that your sons love will surround you always and we are here to listen should u want to talk. Please see yr dr dont keep these feelings locked inside. Xx

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  • Posted

    Condolences to you and your family, the wound is still fresh. I hope one day you and your family will find peace. 
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  • Posted

    Hi Zacharyeli - Like everyone else here I offer my heart-felt condolences for the terrible loss you have suffered. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to get through each day.  The question of why something like this happens can drive a person mad. Have you had any counselling about this? Please consider doing that. It may not answer the why, but it will provide you with tools to deal with your grief, and also provide a safe place for you to vent. I'm so, so sorry you have experienced this and the indescribably pain you are suffering. We are always here to talk.

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  • Posted

    So, so sorry zacharyeli. Please try to stay strong in your heart. My deepest sympathies and many prayers. 
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  • Posted

    Hello Zachary. Just checking in with you to see how you are..I know nothing has changed but wanted you to hear from us and to let you know that we are here for you! Diane. 
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  • Posted

    I registered just to reply to this post. I have a 16yo daughter and this is my worst nightmare. I’m thinking of you from Melbourne, Australia.
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  • Posted

    Thank you for your condolences. It is a daily struggle as i am sure everyone can understand. I dont even know how to grieve. I'm sure as hell learning though. My children keep me alive. Again, thank you everyone for your support, I'll gladly take any advice given.

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    • Posted

      Hello Zacharyeli. I could never offer advice to you I am speechless when I even think of that but I can offer you all the time you will ever need to listen. 

      I think that all of us that have children know the pains of raising children and the fear that something will happen to them. But it's a whole other thing to lose a child. I do have a very close friend and her husband that lost their 19 year old son in a car accident. It was amazing watching how they leaned on each other, God and friends. 

      Thank you for giving us an update on how you are. Diane. 

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