who am I?

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi all I'm a newbie and really struggling tonight, think my friends probably have their own problems, so I thought some fellow tortured souls could help lol.

I've been suffering from depression for about 5 yes but last year it really came to a head and I had a bit of a meltdown which resulted in 6 months off work, whilst off my employers referred me for free cognitive therapy which I found really helped and seemed to be on the road to happiness well slight normal ness , until the last few weeks where I have been seriously doubting if after 20 yes of marriage my husband actually loves me.

He's never been the romantic big gesture type but I have changed significally and now finding that I need more attention.

He's away working this eve and I messaged him to say I'm not feeling to good, that my brain was overreacting and being imaginative again, and his reply was " I don't know what to say about that!" Well don't say anything pick up the blooming phone and ask me what's wrong?

The thing is, I don't know if this is me expecting too much or am I right to think that maybe he's not giving me what I need?

Its like I don't know who I am and I'm definitely not the slim confident blonde that he married.

I'm feeling really low about it tonight and just can't stop crying. I want to phone him and tell him to wake up!!!!!!!! But what if its me and I just drive him away?

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  • Posted

    I am absolutely certain that he is trying to help you Sian.

    But he is away trying to do his job and earn a living, and probably feels helpless at this time to do anything.

    It wouldn't do any harm if you could just calm down and phone him, asking how things are going. Then tell him calmly that you are having a difficult time of it at the moment, but whatever you do don't lose your temper, blame him or ask him to come home.

    Tomorrow morning, when you can I would suggest that you book an appointment to see your doctor and tell him that you are struggling maybe with depression and see if that  can get you onto an even keel again.

    If you want to know why this is the correct thing to do I should explain that I have been is a similar position from the male perspective.

    Many years ago, the lady who was then my wife was in the middle of a nervous breakdown, and as I was young and inexperienced didn't recognise the signs because she would never talk about it.

    At that time I worked about 75 miles away from home, and when she used to call me and TELL me to come home in the middle of the day, I used to drive like a lunatic along moorland roads (the quickest way), only to arrive home to find all manner of things wrong, but still no explanation.

    On the last occasion her call appeared even more urgent, so I drove even faster to reach home quickly.

    The bad part was that my concentration and judgement was so impaired with worry and my speed so great, that I wrapped my car around a tree.

    The injuries I sustained were so significant that today at the age of 71 I am still suffering from the incident.

    So my message is, if you have problems please talk them out with your partner, and if you feel there is the slightest chance that you might be suffering from depression then please go to see your doctor.

    I hope things work out well for you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Sian, I'm really sorry that you are feeling so low at the mioment. I think it is a natural thing for loved ones to not really know how to react and it can be hard to communicate with each other when you have different mindsets.

    I remember feeling as though my husband didn't care about me at times, but I made sure that I put me first for once in my life and that the first thing that I had to do was to make me happy and stuff everybody else, that was when I took control of my desperate state and went to my GP. i went on antidepressants and I haven't looked back since.

    I think it's  a natural thing to look to someone else for reassurance but when they are unsure of how to  react it can sometimes make us feel worse or because they don't understand our feelings that we may come across as mad in some kind of way to them, you are not , you just need to talk to someone who can relate to what you are going through and to help you grow strong again.

    Maybe your husband is scared to talk with you about how you are feeling as he feels he doesn't know enough about the condition to offer you the encouragement you need.

    I know that some people believe that there is a stigma attached to antidepressants, but the way I see it is I just need a bit of help at the moment and this will not be forever.

    Somebody close to me is going a similar crisis as you at the moment, and my advice to them was the same don't look to someone else to reassure you whilst you are in this state if there are problems going on at the moment the only to deal with them is with a clear and rational mind.

    Look after you first and deal with all the other stuff when you are better.

    i hope this helps you, Rebecca x

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  • Posted

    Thanks both, archemedes its really nice to have a male perspective.

    I have been on antidepressants for the last 7 years and about 2 yes ago was switched on to 40 mg of fluoxetine but I found this made me feel less in control of my anxiety so reduced to 20 ml a day which seems to be fine, but I noticed over easter when I had 2 weeks off work that I started to feel down and tbh felt I would have been better at work, and the same tonight, he has been away since Monday and doesn't go often, the 1 st 2 days I love it, having the bed to myself and watching what I want on TV, but then it just comes over me in waves and I start questioning everything, even down to if he's actually away with work? Is he really in his room watching TV? It drives me crazy because I feel there's a constant battle in my head between the part of me that thinks I'm being rediculous and the part that's afraid of being alone and made to look a fool. Grrrrrrrrr

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  • Posted

    If he's anything like my DH he may be thinking to himself "There is nothing helpful I can say and if I say anything at all it will likely be the wrong thing and make the situation worse so I'd best just say nothing."....Don't know the answer really but I've had the same and really at times now I prefer the silence.

    This probably hasn't helped much but I'm hearin' ya neutral

    I don't suffer from depression though, I'm more the exceedingly happy nervous breakdown type of woman wink

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