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Excuse me if i sound like i am moaning for Britain, but thats the problem, just a bit of a moaner or something more, i dont know. Well, i think i do know, cant quite shake these nasty feelings i have, had it for months, but its nothing new as a few times in my life i have been on antidepression tabs. I spoke with doc a month ago, she suggested tabs again, felt so ill the last time i was on them. My moods are awful, also exhausted beyond words, very busy mum of many kids and busy wife too. But whats really dragging me down in paranoia, i feel that folk are talking about me, even though they arent. Strange scenerios crop up in my head, horrible things , stupid things, and i worry soooooo much about them that i almost convince myself that its real. Seem to be forever beating myself up. As my title suggests, i smile and chat and tend to be a shoulder to cry on, i can be listening to someones tiny problem and at the same time be thinking 'if u knew what was in my mind, then u would be worried'. I dont drink much or do drugs of any kind, live quite a sensible boring life. My memory is horrendoues, have even broken down in tears on the phone when the bank asked me for my address and i couldnt remember, i had to hang up in shame. As i said, its the paranoia thats really taking over. And if i get something stupid in my head like, oh the washing machine is on, and if i'm not at home, a sceneario of 'omg, what if it blows up' will start to pester me, to the point of having to return home. Utterly fed up with my head working overtime, i cannot switch it off.
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