Why?

I know. It's unexplainable. Sometimes I feel it's just as bad as the Depression itself. Last year I spent 8 weeks in a clinic for depression and anxiety and the best of the whole program were the people. They understood. They knew what you were going through.

This is what I posted on my FB page a while ago, because it describes my feelings really well: 

It is a feeling of complete hopelessness where there is no escape. The voice in my head is my enemy, and there is a nonstop monologue of negativity. It destroys self-esteem and hints at a future of gloom and despair. It speaks irrationally, but the nonstop propaganda becomes my reality. It is a hateful form that steps inside my body and takes over. The evil puppet master wants to force you into that dark cave where you huddle under blankets and want the world to go away. It wants me to grab for that extra cocktail to ease the pain. It wants me to take that additional Xanax to numb the constant mental knife stabs. It wants me to eat that extra cookie as comfort food, and then berates me for gaining an extra pound. It wants to consume me.

The twenty-four hour a day internal monologue is tiring, and sometimes I just want to shut my brain off. Kick the dark passenger out of the car.

I think with anything it starts with taking a step forward, even if its into the uncomfortable unknown. For example if we continue to think that the rest of our life will be like Groundhog Day, same day repeated over and over, then what is the point in having the ability to think beyond if we don't use it for our own advantage? You know that with my situationi'm pretty tired with it, but thinking theres no possibilty of change wont get me anywhere with it either. So we have to push on and if by chance we find something along the way that brightens our day, then that's great right? What i'm trying to say is keep that wonderful chin up woman

My partner used to use things like 'dont worry about it' or 'snap out of it' or 'go out have fun' I wanted him to understand how it felt to be me

I wrote a letter because I just couldn't find the words to explain how I felt it was so detailed about how it felt to have the world on my shoulders and wanted to hide away from everyone and everything and how I felt when he said the things he said

When he read it, he got upset and said he never realised and he was trying to help, it worked great and we are doing great and really seem to understand each other better now x

I really feel for you as I too feel alone and wish so much there was someone who could just say "would you like a cup of tea?".  I have lived alone for 30 years and it is really getting to me.  The loneliness is unbearable.  Who are these people who quote all these inane things to you?  Are they family or friends, or strangers?

No body understands depression and anxiety like those who experience it.  I know how hard it is to explain nothing helps relieve it. 

Yes at least we have each other here.  People who understand.  Such a difficult illness to cope with, and so hard being alone to cope with it!! 

thank you for your replies, sorry was a bitter post, just attempted to speak to a couple of family members and an old friend and all i was left feeling was frustration and kinda makes me feel a little unloved, pathetic I know!

Thank you again for the comments xx