Why am I charmed by the idea of suicide?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Pretty much I feel like the topic of suicide or commiting suicide is..ok, you can hate me for this, but I feel like it is connected to a lot of pain and with having lived through bad things so I feel like it is more on the cool side. Now, I won't advice anyone to do it or myself, but whenever I feel overwhelmed the first thing I imagine is always jumping from my window or cutting my wrists, etc. and I actually feel kinda fascinated by the idea, but maybe not that much as to make a plan, etc. So I feel like doing it and it's like the people behind me will be like "Woah..she really killed herself?!" Maybe it is just the after effect of taking your own life, the attention after somebody is dead. I don't think there's sth very wrong with me,  right? I mean I'm not seriously planning on commiting suicide, just feel as if it would be..a cool thing to do. I mean, I get this sounds wrong and..yeah, but sometimes when I am overwhelmed I get this urge to jump or to end it..it is not something constant, just happens any other day. So, any thoughts on why I am charmed by it and possibly ways I can uncharm myself? 

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Yes we all get overwhelmed, and I daresay many people feel they can't go on with their depression. As long as you keep it fictional you can't do yourself any harm. Here's an idea! Why not start writing a journal that you could one day turn into an article/story for a magazine, or indeed a book. Exploit your talents!
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  • Posted

    it could be suicidal ideation. i have that. its like i think of suicide but dont actually do it. its a stress reliever for me. i really should work on better coping skills!!
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    • Posted

      I think with me it's likely the same, I use it as a stress reliever, this and sometimes mildly self-hurting, but yeah, I guess there should be also other ways to cope with stress...
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  • Posted

    Hi I advise you to look on the suicide sites especally how to kiil yourself.  What will come up is the various ways all of which are messy and involve a lot of pain.  Some won't necessarily work and you could end up a vegetable or in a wheelchair.   I think you will soon be uncharmed by that!   It always puts me off.

    Don't forget too that you will never know what people say coz you wouldn't be here.  I don't think anyone would say it's cool.  They would just be devastated and your loved ones would never recover.  x

     

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    • Posted

      I think it is not the pain in the suicide, at least for most people, that draws them to it, but rather the feeling that it all ends, that you leave all your problems behind..That is why, I believe most people would choose a painless way to end it, by taking too many pills, for example. But it's true, what you said. Some of the people who love me, like my parents, for example won't ever be the same..Then, I guess suicide is kind of selfish, thinking only about yourself..though that is also normal, to be selfish in a situation where you are too stressed, because that is what you focuse on, simply. But there may be better ways..
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    • Posted

      By far the better way is to try and get yourself to the point where you don't feel interested in the idea of suicide.  You only have 1 life so you might as well enjoy it the best you can.  

      I agree that when you feel so bad you don't think about others and I totally get that.  But the thing to remember is depression thoughts aren't real - they are your mind trying to trick you,  and you mustn't give them house room.  x

       

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  • Posted

    I believe suicide comes from a place where the person cannot see a way out. The pain has got so much they can't deal with it anymore.  They have been through so much one last thing breaks the camels back..They have lost there former self due to a deep depression and are emotional numb..They feel alone, unwanted, isolated, unloved, misunderstood etc etc..

    They don't value themselves enough to want to continue..

    I get the impression you don't feel valued or loved enough and the thought of commiting suicide and peoples reaction to having done it will give you the attention and  validation you feel you deserve..There is many that have probably gone through dark days that have felt like this but doesn't mean they would go through with it..They just need an extra hug, bit of recognition, to be understood etc

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    • Posted

      Well, probably you're right. But I am not depressed, at least I don't think so, but I just imagine that I kill myself sometimes when I am stressed. But thank you for the comment!
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  • Posted

    I totally get it.  Having suffered many depressions in my life, I too, have my suicide down to a science.  I have kind of a dark humor (like, I would really love to be a vampire!) and I have it all planned but know I won't do it while depressed.  Being the age I am, anything can happen.  IF I were diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would have my wake during my final hours!  My sister and I laugh.  She has always said, "I want to just die peacefully in my sleep" but since I told her no way am I going to the next chapter on a happy and loving note, surrounded by those I love, she has changed her mind!  So, I think sometimes obsessively thinking of suicide can be very positive and life confirming.  It's like writing your final chapter and now you can get on with your life.  It can be a very creative process and I think of it often.  I'll probably still be here in 40 years!
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