Why do I not feel my self

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I have been a heroin user since I was 15, I'm 28 now. I have been clean for 3 months now, although I am still on subitex. Before I got clean I was using about 3g a day. Since I have been clean I just don't feel my self. I am not happy. I can't be bothered to do anything. But last month I had a relapse for 2 days and I felt great. I had lots of energy and was very cheerful and wanted to do everything but soon as I stoped I went right back to being unhappy again. It can't be depression because if it was then using would not make such a big difference I don't think. Dose anyone have any ideas how I can get back to being my normal self? The trouble is that it has been so long since I was drug free I don't know what the normal me is any more.

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  • Posted

    Do you mean that you had a relapse and took heroin again for two days? And that made you happy and have lots of energy? It sounds as though your 'normal' drug free self is still experiencing withdrawals. Like other opiats, heroin artificially increases serotonin levels in the brain which make you feel happy and full of drive and energy. Because of these increased levels, your body stops doing it by itself. It therefore takes a long time being drug free for the body to learn to keep the levels up by itself. Your body obvioously has not done that yet. You have two options; either try to stick it out, knowing that eventually you will get back to normal (though this could be a year or more), or go to your GP and ask if you could be put on some anti depressant medication to help you through this.
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    • Posted

      Hi. Thanks for your reply. Yes I did relapse an use heroin last month for 2 days. It is exactly as you explain it. It wasn't the fact I was using that made me happy it was just something that changed within me. The trouble was before I had the relapse, I thought that feeling low was just me as it had been so long since I had been clean.
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    • Posted

      No, being low will not be the 'normal' you. It is the withdrawal you. It will take your body a long time to properly fix itself and start regulating its own levels of serotonin to keep you happy. Sorry you are going through this. I think if you can bear it, things will eventually get back to normal, but you may need a bit of help from an anti depressant if you can't bear it.
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  • Posted

    I am very reluctant to use anti depressants. I have seen people talking a lot about exercise. They say it helps a lot for this sort of thing. I may try this. But I think you are correct in that if I can I just need to keep on at it and hope I will get back to "normal" I also hope once I reduce my subitex it will make me feel better. Thank you for your help.
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