why dont we get that sympathy

Posted , 6 users are following.

so since robbin williams committed suicide ... all iv seen is depression this depression that going on like depression wasnt around before this famous man committted suicide,

i have my days where i cant go on i feel im in a black hole what do i get ... completly brushed off by the doctor! and i know alot of people on here get the same! we also have a mental illness something in our brain is messing with our body we get laughed at for that fact people dont believe us! yet he committs suicide and he gets word out that depression is bad and its taking over peoples lives ... like we didnt already know that! 

we have to go about our day as normal as possible because we dont get sympathy we dont get help from people around ... the only help iv had since discovering this mental illness is from here iv made some great friends and every one is the same no one judges you.

so why dont we get the same sympathy ? why are we still left in the dark ? are they finaly going to do something about it ? what are your thoughts on this ?

xxxx

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  • Posted

    I know what you mean sarah.i been suffering with anxiety for months now.my mum passed away last thursday and everyone else in the world just seems to carry on as normal when i wake up each morning all consumed with this indescribable feeling x
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    • Posted

      It does my head in as we are sufferers I'm really good at hiding it but enough is enough they need to do more they need to help us. I'm sorry about your mom sad bad things happen in this world and we don't get the help an support we need that's why we are like this! If you need a chat just message me xxx
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  • Posted

    I perhaps would like more people to empathise with my feelings, but I certainly don't want sympathy and people feeling sorry for me. That won't help me at all. 

    Most GPs will suggest therapy, exposure therapy, CAT, CBT, medication, hypnotherapy etc. Has your DR not done this? If not, you should definitely look into it, you'll get the support need and it's usually very successful. 

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    • Posted

      Before my anxiety I had severe depression and post natle depression. The fact that I couldn't open up to anyone pushed me to stupid things like cutting every inch of my body including my face not to kill my self but to scream for help! As everytime I said I feel down or I feel this and that I got laughed at I was in a hole that I couldn't get out of I didn't see an end maybe not sympathy but understanding that depression/anxiety is not visible but doesn't mean it isn't an illness. We all suffer and once in everyone's lives they will suffer too. There isn't enough for us some people may find all the stuff u have said helps but some are to scared I can notice signs of anxiety and depression in anyone like my husband his never told me he is depressed but deep down I know he is. 
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    • Posted

      I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't talk to anyone. I used to self harm, and I've tried to kill myself twice, so I know how you feel. I just don't think people feeling sorry for me would help me at all, in fact, it would make me worse. Empathy and support would help. And even if certain therapies don't help with depression or anxiety, I'd still be getting support from a professional who does understand and can therefore empathise with me. There are lots of different forms of support for people with anxiety and depression, even if therapies don't work, there are many people you can talk to. I hope you find support soon. 
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  • Posted

    Society has been conditioned for thousands upon thousands of years to fear what it doesn't understand - an illness that is invisible? Surely not! Don't be stupid!

    Those with difficulties are lucky to have 'any' awareness nowadays; the concept of a mental illness as a disability; a condition that affects our quality of life; has only really been noticed in perhaps the last 25 years, and with it the standards and advancement of care that - whilst becoming more and more helpful - are becoming less and less accessible due to the nature of funding within the NHS. Politicians and society discuss more and more being done to raise awareness of mental health conditions; more charities now than ever exist to provide support for those with them, but little is being done to actually provide effective care, and it's bordering on the criminal how little is done.

    The sort of awareness people like us want will take at least 3 generations before the stigma feels completely gone, and even then there'll still be elements within society who have old-fashioned, UKIP-style attitudes towards those who are perceived as 'different'.

    What I say isn't reassuring in the least; it's just the cold harsh reality of being a part of a generation going through a massive transitional phase in the education of mental health.

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  • Posted

    By the way, I'd like to be the first to say, Sarah, that Robin Williams' death was a tragedy. No more or less a tragedy than any person that takes his or her life, but a tragedy, and my sympathies go to his family.
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    • Posted

      It was and is a tragedy I feel for his family no one should go through that but it happens a lot of people I know of who are not famous have done the same. Just shows how bad things can get you can have everything yet it isn't enough x
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    • Posted

      It's always the same when a famous person commits suicide it's in the lime light. I have personal experience of this as my husband commited suicde when he was 28 leaving me a widow at 29 with 2 small children, thou this has been a few years ago. My Nephew commited suicide 2 years ago at 35 also. It never leaves you, the physical pain subsides but mentally it's still there as nothing can erase the tragedy. We learn to live with it and cope. It is not Robin William's family fault what has happened, Robin chose to do what he did and leave the devastation and pain for those close ones left behind. We must not judge, depression is awful and i suffer myself so i know. 
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    • Posted

      as i suffer also i have an idea of what he was going through ... i just dont think i could go through with it i have two young boys myself and they are my world i just think at the age of 22 i should feel theres more of a future but while i have this monster clinging to me and sucking everything out of me i dont see a light at the end of the tunnel i dont think people judge i just think most people who havnt been through this dont have half the clue of what wer going through its a scarey thing what our mind can do but   we have to hold our heads high and beat it cause i dougt we will get help from anywhere .... i just wish there was something to make it go and stay away! x
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  • Posted

    Im totally with you on this one. Our 'illness' cant be seen therefore we are ok in other peoples eyes. Even people with Flu or a Cold get more sympathy than people with mental health issues. Its not fair but unfortunately a part of life. We wont be able to change it sad .... I for one, dont even get sympathy from my partner as my issues wind him up. Yes he is very supportive but doesnt understand the same as he would if say i was diagnosed with a disease or if i was poorly. Makes us feel so alone, right?!... 

    What can we do apart from try to raise awareness?! we cant walk round with a sign on our backs saying 'I'm ill even though you cant tell' haha... And if we dont tell everyone, which i know most people wouldnt want to do, then no one would know, therefore again NO sympathy. 

    Talk to me anytime Sarah, i need people to talk to who experience similar things... Im always here to listen smile..

    Check out my discussion which will tell you a little bit more about me as well. 'Obsessive Compulsive Questionning'.

    xxx

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    • Posted

      I'm glad someone agrees lol 

      My husband has got used to my constant comparing my body to his why hasn't he got this bone it must be something it annoys me so I know it annoys him but hel have to put up with it untill I have control lol 

      I guess part of me wants sympathy and part of me wants people to understand I'm scared as hell! Iv never exsperianced feelings like this and all I want is for someone to understand my family don't really get it they'll just say oh what's wrong this time ... They don't see me when I'm alone crying cause I want it to end I feel hopeless to my children.

      Luckily since starting my new job I havnt had chance to poke and prod let alone think about it so I suppose that's a good thing part of my anxiety closes me of from people but iv made a friend at work! I don't normally do friends I have this I hate people attitude because no one around by me understands lol. 

      I hae read I'm sure I commented I'm not sure will have a look again. 

      Xxx

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    • Posted

      Im the same Sarah. You cry out for someone and theres just never anyone there. The person that i could really rely on to understand and help me though with some kind words is my boss. And like you, i havent long been in this job so shes a new friend to me as well. Shes a counsellor outside of work so shes great to talk to. Why dont you try counselling? youd have someone to let everything out on, and theyd understand as they deal with it all the time. Let off some steam to them maybe? At least you wouldnt feel so alone... Im thinking of doing the same...xxx
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    • Posted

      Yeah I'm on a waiting list for that I may go private but as iv just moved here I don't really know a lot of places lol I can't go on google cause I get tempted to google things xx
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    • Posted

      Iv had very similar issues to you as well sarah. I measure each part of my body nearly every day to make sure i havent gained any weight. I was diagnosed with an unclassified eating disorder a few years back. I have improved now but worrying about my weight completely controlled my life. I would stand in front of the mirror taking millions of photos to compare to photos the week before to make sure i hadnt gained weight. It got ridiculous and i didnt realise at the time, but i could be stood taking pictures for about half an hour. I also used to stand and look at my shadow to see if there was any visible lumps and bumps. God i sound crazy haha!!. but its horrible and it controls everything doesnt it. I have somehow learnt tpo live with it. I do still keep a check on the size of my body and my eweight but nearly half as much as i used to. I think i have come to realise that in this space of time, if i havent gained weight, then i arent likely too in the future as i never change how i eat, so figured i was worrying for nothing. I still have bad days though..xxxx
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    • Posted

      it controlled my life so much, i got sacked from a job for askin a friend to take a photo pf me so i could look at it to make sure i hadnt gained weight. Unfortunately it was 1 minutue after my shift was due to start, which i didnt realise at the time. So they laid me off for using my phone in work time.xxx
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    • Posted

      You don't sound crazy ... U sound just like me I found a lump in my breast the doctors say inflammed breast bone I had none of it I kept going back it's still swallon now it sticks out really bad and makes me paranoid yet no one notices it but I know it's there it gives me pain yet they say it's normal 6 months on I still have it ! Xx
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    • Posted

      Go to a different doctor? Is it just the health type things you worry about then? And do you worry about things with your body that you 'think' arent normal but probably are? Just  trying to understand a little more smile xxx
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    • Posted

      Yeah all my bones from my waist upwards even my skull I think it's changed shape it's weird I never used to look for things but now I poke my spine to see if the bones are cracked or if the stick out more I worry so much it gives me a constant head ache then that gets me paniking xx
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    • Posted

      god you sound so like me its untrue. What i have learnt though is that the more you do it the worse it gets. its a vicious cycle that is just so incredibly hard to get out of. Recebtly which i have found helps a bit is to put all my thoughts and worries into a box (obviously just in my head) then i tie up the box and even decorate it too. haha. It takes the heat out of the fire if you like. Stops the worrying and makes you concentrate in making that box all pretty. Then i forget what i was thinking about. Not all the time, it depends how much i am worrying. But hopefully if i start small it will help with the bigger worries in future. Give that a go smile  and just tell  yourself not to poke and prod. Your bound to find things that you think arent normal as you probably dont analyse your body enough normally to know if its always been 'that way' if you get me?!!. My boyfriend the other night, was getting himself all worked up thinking he had fluke worms. These are like worms that claspo onto the back of your throat. He then stuck his finger down his throuat to see if he could feel anything, and because hes never investigated his throat enough to know whats normal, immediately presumed it was a worm. It was only his tonsels but hed never felt them before so thought it wasnt normal. Haha. This may be the case with you and probably will be. Tell yourself each time you want to have a poke and a prod, that if there was something wrong you would know without having to feel around the whole of your body. Obviously with the exeption of the parts you should be feeling (breasts etc). I would definitly trust your doctor with what they have said though, if he thought it could potentially be more serious he wouldnt shrug you off as easily. BUT, on the other hand i would maybe seek advise from another doctor too just to be safe. I say this becuase Scarborough hospital where i used to live, missed the fact my mum had bowel cancer for nearly a year. I have little trust in doctors since this. Also, if the next doctor says the same as the first one you saw, then that will give you some reassurance that its you worrying too much which may help you control your worry , poking and prodding in the future?! xxx
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    • Posted

      Have you ever considered that your husband (and your boyfriend, Niccik) don't take you seriously because there is nothing serious for you to be concerned about, and what exists for you may only exist in your mind?

      i am aware that this isn't the sort of attitude you're discussing. You're discussing the sort of attitude I got from people who would only dismiss what I had rather than offer any practical alternative.

      What practical alternative exists in both of your cases is CBT (I'm sure I've discussed this with you before, Niccik); it's a perfect form of treatment for both of you in being able to differentiate between what is real and what isn't; learning your physiology, learning to tell the difference between thoughts and feelings.

      The key in getting the right therapist for the job, which is often the hardest part.

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    • Posted

      You are very right Boing333. We do have nothing to be cncerned about and it dmost definitly is in our heads, yet we cannot seem to tell ourselves this, and so the worry caries on controlling our lives. Even i know the things i worry about are ridiculous, and constantly try to tell myself that. Doesnt work though sad .... I didnt click with my CBT therapist so i didnt get enough out of it. It helped a bit though. Do you think my GP will refer me for more treatment if i explain that to him? Im worried that i can only have one lot of treatment, and if it didnt work then it didnt work. I know for a fact i need CBT and i know that the problem was my therapist. But convincing the GP that would be more tricky probably ?! what do you all think?

      xx

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    • Posted

      If you havent already Sarah i really think you would benefit from either CBT or counselling. CBT more so. Or a combination of both. If you havent done this already then go, do it... dont struggle alone anymore..xxx
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    • Posted

      Sarah, i have been looking at the Counselling Directory and the one closest to you is Bath. About half hour away from you is it?

      Frances Hamilton Counselling & Psychotherapy Registered MBACP

      7 Henrietta Villas

      Henrietta Road

      Bath

      BA2 6LX

      07772 584726 or 01225 852289

      "Sometimes we find that repeated patterns of behaviour create havoc in our relationships with families, partners or at work and we are at a loss as to how to understand what happens. Overwhelming feelings seem to overtake us. Understanding where the feelings come from and why we might have them serve to give us the capacity to make a choice - the choice to change something ... or not."

      "I have over 18 years experience as a  qualified counsellor and psychotherapist with over 11 years experience as a clinical supervisor of counsellors in training and others who are qualified.  I have an established private practice which was set up in 2000."...

       

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    • Posted

      The process I went through, Niccik, was in contacting the trust - ie. the people your Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist works for.

      On the slips of paper you get telling you when you had your first CBT session (usually the assessment), there should be the name of an organisation that supplies the different therapies. This organisation often hires out rooms at surgeries and hospitals that you go to for your appointments. On the paper should be an address or, more importantly, a phone number.

      When you phone the number, you'll probably get through to the receptionist of the main hospital or health centre the organisation is based at. When you speak to them, ask to be put through to the organisation that you've been receiving treatment through.

      When you get through to them, ask to speak to the supervisor of your Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. When you speak to them, explain your situation as briefly as possible - discuss your reasons for wishing to change therapist but that you do not wish to pursue a formal complaint, and ask if it would possible to get in touch with THEIR supervisor (usually the line manager).

      A brief summary of what you said will be passed to the line manager and often, depending on their availability, you'll be contacted within 24 hours of your phone call. When the line manager discusses it with you, go into as much detail as possible and justify why you would like to change your therapist. Usually, you will be able to do it if your reasons are sound and provided there is another therapist available.

      Thus begins the process of re-referral and the possibility of going back to square one again, but be patient because it could be worth it. A good CBPT will listen to you first of all and see if CBT is the right form of care for you. A bad one will simply assess you, ask you to fill in sheets and then tell you every single time that you are wrong.

      I'm not convinced CBT is the wrong form of treatment for either of you; as I say, it just seems to be the wrong therapist.

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    • Posted

      Thankyou Boing. I will  try that. I have an email address for the organisation i will start there. I may have left it too long now though, as my therapy finished nearer the beginning of the year. Do you think they will just think well if she was that desperate she would have contacted us by now? unless i explain that at the beginning i didnt realise it was my therapist until seeking further advice over the last few months?! x
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    • Posted

      I'd still try IAPT before you approached your GP. Organisations within the NHS tend to keep your records regardless, and the nature of mental illness means there's always a chance you'll find yourself back in their care at some point anyway so I'd give them a go. Update them on what's been happening briefly - you'll probably end up either speaking to your previous therapist or their supervisor, but if you speak to the therapist's supervisor, that's when it'd be good to explain your feelings towards your previous supervisor. You could even be cheeky and say that you didn't pursue further care because of the bad taste the therapist left in your mouth.

      You will go back to square one, however, and there will probably be a waiting list. It might not be as long for self-referals, however. When you get through the door though, make sure you aren't seeing the same therapist as before otherwise you might as well be experiencing a clinical groundhog day.

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    • Posted

      Niccik, try googling  'Positive Steps'. It's a mental health service throughout the UK. They're actually who provide CBT at my GP surgery. On their website, you are able to book into CBT one-to-one and group sessions, as well as other types of therapies for free, without a GP referral. You normally only have to wait a week or two, rather than months and months on the NHS! 
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