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why is it?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Desperate_now
Desperate_now

Why is it when you feel crap inside but make the effort to go out people always say you are looking really well. Is it meant to cheer you up, because at times it makes me feel ten times worse

1 like, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • stephen60337
    stephen60337 Desperate_now

    Posted

    hi

    take it for what is is a complimnent , try not to over analize things, if they said you look reall crap that would be bad :<) 

    how we react to other peoples comments are in our control, 

    we choose either to take there comments literally , or we can choose o dismess them as just banter, and most of it is banter like talking about the weather, 

    dont take it to heart , dont react to it , just smile and say thank you , and forget it,

    most people ask if your ok, we often respond with yes even though were not, we dont discuss is as it isnt the time and the place, neother should we dwell on it, 

    you made the effot to go out, well done, now make the effort to ignore and not take things onboard and im sure it will make you feel better, 

    stephen

      how="" we="" react="" to="" other="" peoples="" comments="" are="" in="" our="" control, ="" we="" choose="" either="" to="" take="" there="" comments="" literally="" ,="" or="" we="" can="" choose="" o="" dismess="" them="" as="" just="" banter,="" and="" most="" of="" it="" is="" banter="" like="" talking="" about="" the="" weather, ="" dont="" take="" it="" to="" heart="" ,="" dont="" react="" to="" it="" ,="" just="" smile="" and="" say="" thank="" you="" ,="" and="" forget="" it,="" most="" people="" ask="" if="" your="" ok,="" we="" often="" respond="" with="" yes="" even="" though="" were="" not,="" we="" dont="" discuss="" is="" as="" it="" isnt="" the="" time="" and="" the="" place,="" neother="" should="" we="" dwell="" on="" it, ="" you="" made="" the="" effot="" to="" go="" out,="" well="" done,="" now="" make="" the="" effort="" to="" ignore="" and="" not="" take="" things="" onboard="" and="" im="" sure="" it="" will="" make="" you="" feel="" better, ="" stephen="">

    how we react to other peoples comments are in our control, 

    we choose either to take there comments literally , or we can choose o dismess them as just banter, and most of it is banter like talking about the weather, 

    dont take it to heart , dont react to it , just smile and say thank you , and forget it,

    most people ask if your ok, we often respond with yes even though were not, we dont discuss is as it isnt the time and the place, neother should we dwell on it, 

    you made the effot to go out, well done, now make the effort to ignore and not take things onboard and im sure it will make you feel better, 

    stephen

     >

  • norma72045
    norma72045 Desperate_now

    Posted

    Hi, wow I couldn't agree with you more. You make an effort to be pleasant and polite,they know your problems ( and I'm talking about my family. ) and they say               " you look really well" and I can tell you you have more patients than me, because I feel like giving them a slap.   What do these people want, you don't complain because that's boreing and they don't really want to hear you droning on, but if you complain about how you feel they see you as depressing.     What do these people want ahhhhhhh.
    • stephen60337
      stephen60337 norma72045

      Posted

      lol, most of them in my view really want to offload to us, 

      if i have a sore foot they would have a broken leg and reslish in telling you, 

      most peope offload, its a healthy way to cope, by telling someone you feel better, i offload but only on my dog who is very understanding and doesnt judge me, 

      if you dont offload it builds up and can make you feel unwell, 

      its why people do it , lol

  • norma72045
    norma72045 Desperate_now

    Posted

    That makes a change that made me laugh.  I used to do the same when I had a dog she knew all my feelings.  My husband puts up with a lot from me, but even him if I keep quitet all day he,ll go. " you've had a good day today haven't you love " I just say to him " don't say that when I've got a knife in my hand " his answer " why" But Haveing said that at the end of the day, there's only you that knows how you feel.       I just give up now and when people say to me " how are you " I just say " fine " ha ha 
    • Desperate_now
      Desperate_now norma72045

      Posted

      Hi Noorma I always said fine  to my mum when she was alive but she knew deep down I was't I just did not want to upset her cause I found it difficult caring for her at the time,due to full time working,  but how I wish she was still here now because i gave up work over 2 years ago and I could have really cared for her but she passed away over 4 years ago.

      i believe the letters f.i.n.e can stand for something but I cannot remember what.

      I'm feeling really sorry for myself today.

  • norma72045
    norma72045 Desperate_now

    Posted

    You sound just like my youngest son, I have 3sons and my youngest is the kindest, sweetest person you could ever wish to meet,and he really understands me, don't get me wrong he's not soft with me, but he always ask how I am, if I say not well he'll listen to me.  But my other two never ask, and if my husband says to them your moms not well they say " why what's wrong with her " der. Over the last 6yrs I've been on a life support machine twice, and they say " what's wrong ". I don't think they don't care it's just they are probley a bit thoughtless. But the youngest also works in care.  He is one of the most empathetic people I know and that's with everyone. I Sincerly am sorry about you loosing your mom, but please don't beat yourself up you know you done your best.  I think when we loose someone close to us in our lives, we all have some regrets,but the way I try to look at it is hindsight is all well and good . Now don't worry about things you can't do nothing about.  Cheer up here's a Big Hug from me.   Tomorrow will always be better.   Take care 
    • Desperate_now
      Desperate_now norma72045

      Posted

      Hi Norma Thank you soo much for you first two lines and last two lines, I must admit they have brought tears to my eyes.

      i don't really dwell on my mum because she was 86 she had had a good healthy life it was just mobility problems and moans about my brother. She was only really poorly from the Sept when my eldest (yes he was the favourite although she never showed it,) went to university in London and we live up north.till she died in the Nov. she was in hospital the last 2 weeks. She had been on her own since 1981 when my dad died and then came to live near me in about 1998, she used to come every Sunday for dinner but never really did put on me. Some of my friends who are now having a really tough time with elderly parents, but I feel they didn't appreciate what I was going through 4 years ago till now. I am always asking is there anything I can do to help them.

      thank you so much for the hug I really appreciate it as my husband is way till Wednesday and my two sons live away one in London the other at Brize Norton RAF base.

      tomorrow will be better as I have to get up early because I am dong my voluntary work in a church mission cafe. 

      You take care.xxxx

  • norma72045
    norma72045 Desperate_now

    Posted

    I didn't mean to upset you,and as for your brother being the favourite ,isn't it always the way the one who does the least is always the favourite. It was the same with my eldest brother, still that's the past.   As I say there's only you that knows how you feel. So keep your chin up and try to laugh more.  My husband and I laugh more now than we ever have.      Take Care 
    • Desperate_now
      Desperate_now norma72045

      Posted

      Sorry Norma  no you didn't"really upset me i was just touched by your thoughts and kind words. I think I mislead you my brother wasn't the favourite as far as I knew.it was my eldest son I meant to say was her favourite grandchild. I have 2 wonderful sons and she did love them equally but the eldest was a competition swimmer like she used to be but the youngest was a black belt in karate but she didn't know a thing about karotate. 
    • norma72045
      norma72045 Desperate_now

      Posted

      Nan's always have a favourite, as long as they never show it I think that's alright. My youngest was always everyone's favourite, but that was because of his nature. I think that's what's been a part of the problem with my boys, because he's the youngest and well liked, the other two see him as a                  " Mommy's Boy "  but it's just his careing nature with anyone. Still it wouldn't do for us all to be the same.  Take Care have a nice day tomorrow.
  • UK-Ven-medicate
    UK-Ven-medicate Desperate_now

    Posted

    I think you goto just understand its a compliment. Sometime it can be a sincere thought other time it can be empathetic in that they know you have had it tough but you managed to get on. either way they are both postive things for you to take on board, you cant afford to be takinganymore negatives on board do you.
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