Why is this all so hard?

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I have another post about the horrid attacks that I have, (wake out of a sleep absolutely freaking out, hot flushes, tingling head, vomiting, stiff muscles, and such overpowering intrusive thoughts it scares me terribly) but even besides that a lot of days are truly a struggle. I get waves of sad feelings, intrusive thoughts of taking my own life. I don’t actually want to die, but my head tells me otherwise because each day is such a fight to live. I want to be able to enjoy life but I can’t do anything without feeling sad or terrible anxiety and paranoia. I’m diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety, ocd, and PTSD, also with paranoia. I keep seeing it does get better and there is hope but I’m not sure what else to do. I’m on Prozac 40mg and in a wonderful relationship also see a therapist  so why does this happen? It eased up for about a year then just came crashing back. I just want to be able to enjoy the gift of life but this is really so hard to fight through. If you’ve gone through this and long term recovery is possible please reach out to me because I feel so hopeless.

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    I will def say some prayers for you.  I am fighting depression also, I ha e found the Lord again and truly no lie he has helped me tremendously.  I am in month 8 of basically being stopped in my tracks due to two almost total reconstructive spinal surgeries and it has been EXTREMELY hard.  Everyday is a new day to thank the Lord we are still here and you are part of his plan because you are still here also.  The Bible being read daily helps me tremendously.  I def know it when I miss a day.  Prayers for me.  I take 68 mg of Cymbalta (also helps with chronic pain). 
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