Why is tonight so hard

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I've been going to my therapist for a few weeks now,and we've figured out that males leaving me is one of my triggers. When I was small my dad left us for long periods of time and my mom would go off the deep end with depression so as a child I had to take care of her and had nobody but myself. He would come around so often and I would ask him to stay but he always left again. Well my bf that I have now is the only person that helps with my anxiety problems. And whenever I have to leave him I get really bad anxiety(separation anxiety) thanks to my dad. I get scared when he's not around. I don't feel that safe. Especially when my panic attacks come at full force, I can't deal with them alone. Like I am tonight.

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