Why would someone want to end there life?

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hello,

With all do respect, I need some answers from someone who has been there.

My family member took her life at 46 years old. Had a degree in nursing. A husband, two daughters ages 8-15. (Whom she loved dearly)

Can depression really take you this far?

I know they say it is a selfish act, but there is so much more to this.

Any advice from someone who has been there?

Her children will never be the same, nor will I!

Hugs, Maggie xo

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    It is possible that deep depression can lead to suicide.  Many on this forum talk about killing themselves because the illness makes you feel worthless despite what family and outsiders or friends may think about the person.

    It is a shame she died as she would have had so much to offer her children in teaching them about the world and how it is.  It is hard for you to be left alone with this but I hope that you can grieve and remember the good times she shared with your family soon.

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  • Posted

    Yes of course depression can lead people to this.  You are looking from it from someone who is rational.  Of course rationally suicide is not a sensible route - but people who take this option, or try to - are not in their rational state of mind, thats the whole point.  Its not at all a "selfish" act, only those who dont understand would say this.  People are driven to it from absolute fear and desperation, in their irrational state it seems like the only option.  Its the bravest thing these poor people will ever do - and they do it because there seems like no other option, they shouldnt be looked down on as weak or selfish, they have done all they could do because it seemed like it was all there was to do

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    • Posted

      Thank you both for responding,

      i have heard numerous times of it being a selfish act from so many people , it really has bothered me. I don't look at it as it being selfish at all. There were any issues that I'm sure lead up to this. I guess you can't pinpoint one particular thing. Everything adds up and I guess they are in such a despair, feeling hopeless as to there being no other option.

      Yes, irrational state is a good way of looking at their state of mind at the time.

      Thank you Again!

      Maggie

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    • Posted

      Margaret - I am very sorry for your loss.  I wanted to add one thing: sometimes a depressed person -- who is thinking irrationally, and usually has dysfunctional beliefs that cause them to think very negatively about themselves, often stemming from childhood neglect or abuse from parents or others close to them -- sometimes in this irrational state of thinking, they tell themselves they are a burden to others, that they cannot do their roles, be a good mother and wife, or that they don't deserve to have such a good family because they are so worthless and bad themselves -- that they are a drain on the family and a bad example to her children, can't give her chlldren what they need AND if perhaps she were not around, for one thing the burden she is would be gone, the crying trips to the doctors, unpredictable behavior or a mom who never gets out of bed: all of that stress would be gone from the family and that would be better for the girls.  And eventually the father would be free to marry again, someone healthy who would be able to be a good example to the girls, teach them what they need to know, etc.  (The same thing applies to sons - sorry for focusing on females).  So in a very dysfunctional and irrational way, the individual thinks suicide would benefit her family and instead of it being a selfish act it is a way of trying to help them.  It might sound crazy, but .....  Perhaps that's what happened here, I don't know.  But I have attempted suicide twice, one at age 6 and one at 16 and I felt I was nothing but bother to my family and the best thing to do was die.  Whatever the reason, it is not the children's fault, a husband's fault, no relative's fault - it was the result of an illness that got too far ahead of its treatment.  Don't forget the element of chemical imbalance, the physical aspects here. And it's not to say she was ever abused or had trauma that extreme - teasing, bullying, rejection by a friend - many things can set off dysfunctional thinking and negative beliefs, and a downward cycle of depression can begin, unnoticed by others if she never speaks of it in terms others can understand.  I hope this helps a little bit about why - it is hard to understand because you are healthy and the person who does it is not. Google "ten types of dysfunctional thinking" and/or David Burns and his book "The New Mood Therapy. to better understand how our thinking can make us sick..  God bless you, and good luck. 

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  • Posted

    Hi margaret I am sorry about your family member.  Suicide is often seen as selfish by those left behind,  but to the depressed person it is not.  It is the only way out that they can see to end their pain.

    Thanks for posting this.  I hope everyone who is considering suicide reads your post.   x

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  • Posted

    Hello Maggie,

    Sorry but luckily very few of us will have been there as you say in your opening comment so I can't know how it feels to be you. There is never a single explanation for such a drastic act, having had a few half hearted attempts in my drinking days I can tell you that at the time I was the mother of two boys aged 3 and 2 and I at the time of swallowing those pills I was NOT rational enough to think about my sons, I was mentally ill and in the grip of alcoholism at the time. I recoverd , stopped drinking and had 2 more children. I shudder at the memory but here we all are. Do not seek answers where there may not be any it will make your head spin and deeply affect you. All you can do is support those children they are completely in the wilderness. They are however by the very nature of their youth very resilient and you can play an important role in their recovery. I am so sorry I could not be of more help but I do understand your need for answers , the problem is there probably are none. Take care of yourself

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    • Posted

      Yes my dear ...your most probably right. There are no answers .

      Thank you all so much for opening old wounds and painful thoughts with me.

      There were dysfunctions in her life like us all, but I guess it just became so unbearable.

      I'm having a problem with guilt. Although I have always tried to save the world. I still think I could of helped her but she never opened up to me fully.

      Thank you again.

      I wish you all happiness!

      Maggie xo

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  • Posted

    Yes - severe depression can cause suicidal thoughts - i was there last Summer and i was there 2nd Jan this year , when you can see no light at the end of the tunnel then you feel you no longer want to live like that - not understanding why you feel like that , yes i still do , also yes i have a great family and very good friends - all are aware of my thoughts , feelings . I am really sorry about your member of family - if only we could see through the fog and forecast the future , Suicide is not selfish - need those who say so to live in our shoes, thoughts are with , hug xx 
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    • Posted

      Hello Maria, and thank you for your kind response.

      If it's not too forward of me to ask....

      What was so dark in your life that you couldn't see the light?

      What made you change your mind?

      Thank you,

      Maggie

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