Wife says its over and no longer loves me

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi,

I was hoping someone could advise me on a horrible situation.

My wife has suffered with an illness most of her life which she requires medication for, its an imune disease.

when i met my wife I was living alone with a mortgage and met her on a dating site.  We met up and found we were instantly attracted to each other.  Within 3 months she had moved in.

As time went by she always made comments about how she didn't like the house etc and wanted to eventually look for another one, fine..

We had 2 children, got married just after the second and life was great. Early in 2016 she started to change and didn't like what she saw in the mirror and started fitness classes which I supported her throughout.  At the end of the summer she found a house that she liked (she had always been looking) and I looked and agreed that we would buy it.  Also during this time she started to get friendly with a co worker and I hadn't realised but they had been messaging quite a lot, to the point where I actually saw a conversation implying that they liked each other, the conversation was also deleted by her.

I also found out she had not being taking her medication for quite a long time which will cause her body to pack up.

In Novemeber we moved into the new house but things quickly went bad, she was stressed, didn't like the house and after a night out with the coworkers i lost it a bit an acused her of liking this other guy which she denied.

I also made the mistake of calling her mother as i was so upset who in turn called my wife and basically they are hardly talking now which she blames on me but there were already problems between them.

After this point she told me she didn't love me anymore and is leaving with the children but she isn't right, she doesn't like herself, hides if not wearing clothes when i appear.  She is emtionless and says she is broken and worn down.

Is this a sign of depression or is there something else that is at work here? 

Before we moved in we were happy (to a point) but she always told me shes loved me and would text or call daily.  Now all i get is an occasional call or text but with no emotion in them and is usually about the kids.

She keeps saying i need to accept the situation and that she doesnt love me anymore which I have no choice but to do so and let her move out but she will struggle financially and have no time for herself.

any advice?

thank you

 

1 like, 9 replies

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    First of all sorry you are going through this. I've been there. The I don't love you anymore line came in 2005 for me. We are still together but I found out he was having an affair. If she's not taking her meds this may affect her personality. I would get some counseling. How old is she&'v

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  • Posted

    You say your Wife has an immuno disability, now She is not taking Her medications.

    Her not taking Her medications could cause problems with her outlook on life as She feels unable to cope at this time. Medication Withdrawal can make a person act in a different way, She is getting side affects. that could be changing Her mood.

    When ill and depressed we can look at our lives are lacking even though you have two children.

    You need if possible to take Her to see the GP and get her stablised with her medications. The problem you have however is She does not want anything to do with you and has stopped that part of the relationship you once had.

    The problem you have had in the past regards not been able to settle, and considering other relationships can be caused by not knowing what She wants, hence not accepting the home she is living in and wanting to move. Relationships will be the same.

    If She will not change her outlook, all I see in the future is a break up. The children then will be caught in the middle of a unpleasent situation that is not of their making

    BOB

    I suffer a Chronic Disability that is linked to my Immune System and I have suffered this now for thirty years and I suffer a Reactive Depression caused by an over reactive immune system. Also in my case I suffer a Conjenital Short Term Memory disorder associate with my medications.

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    thanks for the replies.

    I should of mentioned that she is now taking the medication after we found out she wasn't however this has only been in the past 2 months so there was a huge gap of around 8 months of not taking it.

    i am 39, she is 34.  She refuses to see any external advisors as she claims there is nothing wrong with her but I can clearly see there is.  Its like a switch has been triggered since the move and turned her into an uncaring person although she does care deeply about our children which I can see. 

    She is now moving out into rented accomodation leaving me in the lurch with a mortgage to pay which i can barely do on my own. She claims she is looking to do this for 6 months then to see what her options are but I cant see any other options as financially its not sustainable but she is seems clear her feelings wont change for me and I need to accept it.

    She also states she doesn't want to be in a loveless relationship and isn't willing to try anything to correct the problems she thinks we have.  She blames me for a lot of things such as not having any enthusiasm with the children (which I do), not cleaning the house up to her standard, not suggesting places to go out for the day (which I do).

    To be honest a lof of it is petty things but everytime I try and talk to her she gets reduced to tears and just says in hurting her more and driving her to a break down.  She keeps saying she is broken inside.

    Ive realised i need to back off before doing more damage but I just dont know what is wrong with her if anything or it could be just me? but her family also think something isn't right and are quite angry for dragging us all through the house move ordeal, stretching our budgets and basically throwing everything away within just a few weeks of moving in.

    There are still boxes to be opened and sorted as all this has just dragged the attention away from doing it.

    I dont want to lose her but trying to talk and work through things is making things worse and she ends up crying and says im just hurting her.

    thanks again for the responses.

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    • Posted

      That's sad... if she really doesn't want to be in the relationship right now forcing her will only make her resentful. As far as blaming you.. that sounds like convenience and a way to validate her decision.Just let her know if she leaves she doesn't get to come back. Or she'll keep doing it. Anyway screw what the family thinks... it's your life... sometimes the most beautiful birds fly solo which you might be doing. Remember you cannot change other people and I can't stress that enough. Her motives will become clearer as she moves out. Stay frosty there's always light at the end of the tunnel some tunnels are just longer than others... time is the key here

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  • Posted

    You are heading to a place where you will need to defer Mortgage Payments and that could force your had in keeping your family home. It would seem a discussion with your Building Society may need to take place.

    Your future now needs to be taken into consideration and it would seem she is trying to drag you down to a negative place. What concerns me and many Here is your Children.

    I do not know if your Wife is still seeing this man at work and if the situation continues you will need to protect yourself and the children. You need to explain to Her She is putting her family at risk and if this is intensional. The problem with your property is you seem to have not been very long there so your home could have become negative equity.

    Take advice of your GP and explain how your partnership is progressing and your fears and concerns. Ask if you thing She is not functioning and seek advice.

    I would recommend you also protect yourself

    BOB

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  • Posted

    thanks again for the responses.

    I should of also said that im sure nothing is going on with the 3rd party that is is/was involved due to her not having the time to do so, not at the moment anyway.

    I think I do need to look after myself and start protecting what I have.  I do realise that i need to try and stick the house out for a while due to the negative equity issue.

    such a horrible situation that I never dreamed of being in after a house move that we both wanted and also for a our childrens future.

    I still dont understand how someone can just change over night and reject everything we shared and worked for.

    thanks again.

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    • Posted

      Unfortunately people can be so unpredictable. I live my life basically alone. My husband works out of town and we only see him once a month or so. Amazingly enough the distance has improved our relationship. He told me he didn't love me 12 years ago but... we are still together and he doesn't want a divorce. I stopped trying to figure him out a long time ago. He is right back here if we need him and is a great dad... we're just on two different planets so to speak. I went through a period where I just shut down and had no feelings for him at all .. but I realized I was just in self preservation mode. I do love him very much. The grass is not any greener on the other side of the fence... sometimes people have to learn that the hard way. Let her go.. she may just surprise you and want to restore the relationship in time ... ya never know! Do keep us informed..

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    • Posted

      sounds like you have had a tough time too.  Was he always working away or was it when when you were together a lot more?  Did you have no feelings before or after the affair?

      I do realise i need to let her go, fighting is useless and i have a lot of anger and hurt going through me at the moment which I do feel could of been kept to a minimum had she talked to me properly before the move.

      I will keep you informed, if anything to help others in these horrible situations.

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  • Posted

    just to update:-

    my wife is now moving out within 2-3 weeks but only a mile down the road.  She went away at the weekend to clear her head whilst i had the children but when she returned she was distant and didn't really say much.

    In the end i asked if she was ok and it prompted the conversation.  She sat saying she wasnt confident in her decisions and looked confused but I just said I would support her what ever she decided.

    Problem now is, we will both be short on money when she goes, the house she is moving to needs furnishing and i wont be in a position to help much due to the mortgage.  We will never be able to save for anything and the kids wont be able to go on anymore holidays, really upsetting.

    I have also offered to help move anything that I can, not sure that was the right thing to do but its for my children really.

    The only blessing is that she is adamant that the kids will see lots of me.

    thanks

     

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