Will I always feel like this?

Posted , 8 users are following.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, (we split up 5 days ago). I'm struggling to cope and don't know what to do.

Our relationship hasn't always been happy times, maybe I should give you a bit of background.

At the beginning of the relationship he cheated on me and got another girl pregnant, we stayed together I thought we would get over it as the relationship was new I didn't want to give up over a mistake. Once I fell in love with him he had a hold over me and I can't explain how or why but I couldn't leave him. We moved in together and he cheated, again got another girl pregnant. I found out he had cheated on me MANY times we split up this time. We got back together (this happened a few times in the 5 years we was together). We got back together (again I know) and I found out I had fallen pregnant with his baby, I was 19, and I didn't know what to do. He didn't want it and so I had an abortion something I've never forgiven myself for. (Please don't judge me) I began cutting myself and felt really low but didn't get help. I deserved the scars for what I had done. We split up for 6 months, the longest time we had ever split for. We got back together March 2016, he seemed to have grown up a lot. Seen a future with me, we moved far away from all my family and friends (to the opposite side of the country). We got on great for a while until he started working away meaning I was left all alone all week with no friends, no family. Nothing. I felt so low, we was arguing constantly and he would physically hit me sometimes. He would make comments on my weight, I guess I started to comfort eat a bit and put on a few pounds. The arguing become unbearable, but I couldn't leave him. I lived there for 6 months until we both realised we had enough. We split up while he was at work, over the phone. I hadn't seen him all week. He told me he loved me but he wouldn't be back for me this time because we don't make each other happy. It's been 5 days and I'm back living with my parents. He hasn't contacted me at all, almost like he doesn't care. I have cried the whole time, hardly left my bed, I've not eaten. I am really struggling with everything. I had a doctors appointment today and they prescribed me 5mg of escitalopram and advised I go for counceling. I just want someone to talk to. How long will I feel like this? Has anyone else been through something similar?

I'm sorry the post is so long. I have never posted on anything like this before, I guess I'm scared people will laugh at me.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Aww my poor thing listen firstly there's no such thing as a mistake the first time he cheated was when you should of kicked him to the kerb, that's something I hope you remember and take into the future, because you forgave him gave him the pass to do it to you again,

    Tell me do you know what a sociopath is? It sounds like you were dating one! Normally an insecure person that puts you down a lot quite controlling very manipulative and normally gets their own way

    They tend to isolate you from friends and family and put you down allowing you to believe no one would be interested in you but them they normally start with a sob story and express the fears of losing you playing you into there hands they say things like please don't go here or do that because it's happened to me before you wanting to be the person they need feel a little reenforcement is all they need to prove your different, the truth is it's never good enough they perfect the story and technique over many relationships,

    Whilst you are looking to help them they are looking for the next person in the line up the horrible truth Hun is you never had him you gave yourself to him but he didn't do the same the light at the end of the tunnel is you will one day be happy whilst he will never be truely happy he will flit from one to the next

    I think the first step to you feeling better is to read about sociopaths on the internet see how many throats he had etc you'll know then if he was one

    When you know the truth you'll find it easier to let him go as you'll realise you never had him at all you had of him only what he wanted to give

    You stay in touch and let us know if you feel he was one

    Thinking of you at this awful time x

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  • Posted

    Ah sweetheart, I am sorry to read your post.

    There are some wonderful people on here, with lots of good advice. You will get through this, but one step (one day) at a time. You have shared some very personal stuff, I think you are incredibly brave, strong and resilient. You have got this far. Be proud and dont regret doing something you felt was right for you at that moment in your life.

    Try and do some nice things for yourself, explore options, maybe go and do a night class (or similar) something fun or different, the option to get out and to start rebuilding your life.

    Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day!

    Hugs x

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  • Posted

    Unicorn

    Let Him go it has been an unfortunate relationship and it has bounced among the swamp and both of you are not getting anything positive to look forward to. Five years is a long time. Look for someone new who will look after you

    It will take time for you to lick your wounds, give yourself time before looking for another serious commitment. I was engaged for over three years and when I broke up it took two years before I dated again. By that time I was older wiser and knew what I wanted

    Sorry that is all I can suggest

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hi Unicorn - Sorry to read of your situation. Heartbreak is a lonely and very painful fact of life and there is really no remedy except time. You will emerge from it a stronger, wiser individual. There are several points you have made. The first to address is the abortion. It is done. There is no value in you beating yourself up about it. Nothing will change the result. Accept that the decision was made in that space and time and it is done.

    The second thing is the behaviour of your ex. It appears he had little respect for your relationship from the beginning. A person in the first flush of love doesn't go and sleep around let alone impregnating another girl. He cheated on you repeatedly - and you kept forgiving him which not only diminished you but gave him permission to keep behaving that way - because he knew you would take him back.

    The next thing to note is that his treatment of you deteriorated where he was openly insulting you and playing on your diminished self esteem. He also isolated you from family and friends. He demeaned you. He abandoned you in that isolation. This is psychopathic behaviour.

    The last thing is that you have broken up - over the phone - and he has told you he won't be back. This is your get of jail card. Use it. Don't contact him - don't even try. Stop making excuses for him - which is what you have done all these years. Take the medication and see that counsellor. There will be a period of mourning at the loss of a pattern you have become accustomed to - a negative pattern that has diminished you.  It will take a little time to reassess your life and start a new routine, but you will feel better in time. You will reflect on this chapter of your life with more clarity and a little horror at how he treated you - because you let him! See that counsellor. Also check to see what responsibilty -financial or otherwise - he has with regard the child you have together. Take positive action and build a new life. You will empower yourself. Best of luck to you.

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    • Posted

      I'm sorry Unicorn - please disregard the comment about the "child you have together."  I have mixed another comment up with yours. Silver lining: you don't have anything that ties you to that man. You are free. And young. Whole world ahead of you. Things will get (much) better.

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