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I’m 18 years old. Supposed to graduate highschool in just 2 weeks. This should be a happy time in my life but for me I’m struggling with my depression more than I ever have before. It started after my brother passed away when I was 15, he was a heroin addict but we were extremely close. I won’t get into the rest but I’ve been through some hard stuff throughout my life. I never dealt with my emotions properly, just got into the wrong crowd and made poor decisions with people who I thought cared about me. I lost my true friends and I lost myself, I’m anything but happy. I was recently admitted to a mental hospital for suicudal ideations and I spent 10 days there, I thought things were looking up and they increased my dosage of anti depressants that I’ve been taking for a long time. I’ve been home for a couple weeks and I just feel hopeless, I’m just stuck in such a dark place I’m worried I’ll be this way forever. I have no close friends and I’m not close with the few family members I have that live near me, I have to force myself to engage in conversations with my acquaintances at school and I feel like my depression just radiates off of me and I’m worried I’ll never be able to form good relationships with people again because of how sad I feel on the inside. I rarely hang out with anybody because of how hard it is for me to socialize, and 3 years ago that was not me. I was happy and excited for my life and the future and loved my group of friends/meeting new people. now I’m unmotivated, I can’t sleep at night, started failing classes, and I find it hard to take care of myself physically not just mentally. I guess I just want to know if this is something I will have to carry with me for the rest of my life, I know I’m young and there’s so much more left to life but I can’t help but feel I will never be able to enjoy it. I feel so low now, what should I do?
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