Will I be depressed forever?

Posted , 6 users are following.

I’m 18 years old. Supposed to graduate highschool in just 2 weeks. This should be a happy time in my life but for me I’m struggling with my depression more than I ever have before. It started after my brother passed away when I was 15, he was a heroin addict but we were extremely close. I won’t get into the rest but I’ve been through some hard stuff throughout my life. I never dealt with my emotions properly, just got into the wrong crowd and made poor decisions with people who I thought cared about me. I lost my true friends and I lost myself, I’m anything but happy. I was recently admitted to a mental hospital for suicudal ideations and I spent 10 days there, I thought things were looking up and they increased my dosage of anti depressants that I’ve been taking for a long time. I’ve been home for a couple weeks and I just feel hopeless, I’m just stuck in such a dark place I’m worried I’ll be this way forever. I have no close friends and I’m not close with the few family members I have that live near me, I have to force myself to engage in conversations with my acquaintances at school and I feel like my depression just radiates off of me and I’m worried I’ll never be able to form good relationships with people again because of how sad I feel on the inside. I rarely hang out with anybody because of how hard it is for me to socialize, and 3 years ago that was not me. I was happy and excited for my life and the future and loved my group of friends/meeting new people. now I’m unmotivated, I can’t sleep at night, started failing classes, and I find it hard to take care of myself physically not just mentally. I guess I just want to know if this is something I will have to carry with me for the rest of my life, I know I’m young and there’s so much more left to life but I can’t help but feel I will never be able to enjoy it. I feel so low now, what should I do?

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi

    I am so sorry you have had such a hard time. I have no magic answers but I do know a few things from experience (I'm slightly older than you sadly lol!) Maybe it will help if I share a few thoughts with you.

    1) Everything- absolutely everything - can feel heightened as a teenager and science tells us the brain is not yet fully developed and we tend to make more poor and risky decisions at this age. So don't beat yourself up about poor choices etc - but do take extra care of yourself to stay safe when you feel low. Remember as well that you can always repeat classes and gain qualifications and experience in other ways if school doesn't go so well first time.

    2) Do all you can to access as much help/support/therapy NOW. Don't wait and struggle.

    You sound self aware and smart enough to know you have not yet dealt with your emotions properly, so please try to at least talk to somone you trust. My biggest regret is not doing so at an earlier age!

    3) Finding the right medication and/or therapy will give you the best chance to be as well and happy and productive as you can be- so keep trying until you find what helps you.

    4) Try to except that maybe you will always be a little prone to depression, or maybe you won't be. Either way you can handle it! We are all stronger than we think, and I have come to believe that "depressive" people are often much more sensitive, loving and creative people , and certainly more compassionate than the average person! You know...a bit how Autistic people sometimes have super-talants?!

    5) Find what you have a passion for in life and pursue that. You are not completely defined by your past or your background - so don't let it be everything.

    6) If you are feeling suicidal, please talk to someone. Give yourself the time and safe space to let those feelings pass, because they will.

    Sending you all good wishes for the future.

    SunnyDee

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  • Posted

    Hi Sammierae

    I’m now 50 yrs old and depression has been a constant companion in my turbulent life.  

    Sometimes it’s in the shadows and I know it’s tgere just following me but other times it has many arms and it pins me down and holds me there. 

    We don’t always have clarity and understanding in what is happening to us. In fact we just feel confused and small. It leaves us overwhelmed and wondering why everyone enjoys seeing us fall. 

    I’m very much in the claws of my deepest depression. It doesn’t make sense but that’s the reality of it. 

    There are medications that help and I finally accepted my illness and started meds on Tuesday. 

    I think it’s important to get your thoughts straight and meds will help with that. It will help you to be braver. 

    Let me know how you get on. 

    Sorry I’ve not been much help. 

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  • Posted

    Hey honey, I'm putting my arms around you and giving you a big hug. I'm so sorry you are struggling and you clearly are. I can't even imagine the huge impact of losing a brother and the psychological pain you have endured. It is so tragic and of course you are terribly sad. When your brother passed it kicked the bottom the out of your foundation. It think it is totally understandable that you feel so wretched. You have been through such a tough time sweetheart. I know is a cliché, but time is a great healing. Things may feel raw to start but as time passes you will feel better able to cope with the memories and your loss. Please go back to your doctor. If you don't feel any better on the Increased dose, ask to change you meds. I think you should definitely get some grief counselling. You are so young and you need support. You had a he'll of a lot to deal with. This huge thing has happened to you and it almost as though you are expected to carry on like normal - I get that. But this has happened to you, this is how your life is. I will tell you that an event like would be hard for anyone, no matter how old they are to deal with. You need support. I will be looking out for your posts. Please keep me posted xxx you can feel better. Donna x

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  • Posted

    Sammierae

    Generally most people with mental health concerns, Depression  and Anxiety will only suffer problems over one period, they will be able to take control of there illness.

    The second is where Patients may have Depression and Anxiety  at various times throughout life.

    The third is where a person will have problems throughout their lives, this may be more marked with the older generation. This does not cover Dementia in later life

    Medications after treatment, as long as the patient  has learned their techniques well will not need to revert or take medications as a life long chore, CBT etc , explains coping techniques, if we learn and understand this we will get through live in a more possible way

    If you are contributing here, most will hopefully become well given time. Generally it can be up to the Patient to take medications and learn from their experiences, then medications can be withdrawn and people will move on through life, remembering not just to rely on medications also their own contributions to beat these illnesses

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Listen to anything by the rapper NF hes big due to the fact his msic is about depression and just life in general. I think he's on tour and making a big name for himself. Three songs.. paralyzed, dreams and notepad. He's also Christian but doesn't flaunt it. Praying helps too.. and meditation, also cut out gluten and dairy.. no joke it'll only make your moods worse.

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  • Posted

    The teenage years should be the most happy in your life, but they almost never are for any of us. Not sure why that is-we're young, most of us are healthy, we have a whole lifetime in front of us, friends and everything. But if people are honest they usually tell you their HS years were not very happy.

    I went to my 45th HS reunion last summer and saw folks I hadn't seen-some of them-in 45 years! We had a great weekend and I got a chance to speak to some of them that I wasn't very close to in HS-different cliques and everything. First of all 10% of our class had died from various reasons-including suicide, drug abuse and of course a lot of cancer deaths. I was one of the lucky ones who lived to 63. But what surprised me talking to other folks is that ALMOST NONE of them were really happy in HS. It was a stressful time for many, even the beautiful girls and athletic guys-the babes and studs.

    It's a myth that the teenage years are fun, don't feel you're missing something because you're often feeling down. That's typical for that age. And it sure was for me-I started to feel depression when I was 12 or so, by the time I was 18 I was almost always down. Have battled chronic depression for 45 years since then.

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