Will I ever get rid of these feelings? I'm suicidal

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hey! I'm not feeling well. It's very bad actually... again. Last three days I'm feeling very anxious and paranoid to that point that  can't stop crying and harming myself. I tried to overdose yesturday, but nothing happened. It all start suddenly, I'm feeling like everyone is hiding something from me and is against me and that many people know something awful about me that I don't even know and thats reason they are not friendly and reason I'm losing friends. I feel like I did things I haven't actually and that I'm evil. I feel like some people know exacly what I'm doing any time and it makes me so uncomfortable and paranoid. I feel like I'm being bullied too by strangers...  I have so much rage in myself and very often cry and feel aggressive. And the worst thing is I feel that I deserve this and that I'm very bad person because people will behave other way If I was great. I really love people and want to help them and everyone told me I'm great friend but I feel guilt/shame very often to the point I want to kill myself. I don't think I will do this, but I feel that there is no help for me. I really want to feel well again. I don't want to go psycho because of people who don't respect me. I'm sleeping all day and all night and only cry and harm myself. I started feeling this way 2 years ago and I had good moments and very bad like right now but never completly get rid of. I was on sertraline but it didn't help at all. 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Overdosing medication could actually make it worse, as withdrawel from many babituites is similar to extreme anxiety. What meds are you taking? Consider commiting yourself to a hospital. You are not a bad person, no one is bad or good in a cosmic sense.
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  • Posted

    Hello emma

    If you are suicidal you need to take advice either from your GP or directly from the NHS telephone line 111, if you are really frightened of what you may do.

    The problem with depression and Mental illness we can wear our conditions on our sleeves and the heard can see the pain sometimes in our actions. We need support so we can move on and start a more progressive outlook in our lives.

    Talk to your GP and He will be able to arrange a treatment plan for you. Recently I was having problems again and they are starting a new plan for me. We all need help with our fears and concerns so talk to your GP

    BOB

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  • Posted

    You are not a bad person. You need to go to the doctors and get some medication that works and I think CBT will be very usuful. I know how you feel as I get paranoid too especially on the underground train and for some reason it feels like everyone knows each other and I'm an outsider. It will take courage and breathing excercises can help too.

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  • Posted

    Oh love im so sorry you feel like this. Is there anyone in your home besides you? Can you please tell them how you feel. If you live all alone can you cqll a sibling or a parent and share this with them. Your not a bad person, your chemically embalanced and they can work in fixing that. You need a doctor to examine i have no clue what you consumed but you need the hospital or doctor to take your blood and see whats going on, even if you don't feel a thing. Ok. Can you do that? This isnt your fault you know, it isnt.

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    • Posted

      Lisa is right, Emma. You need urgent medical attention. whatever you took may not cause harm for some days. Please go to a doctor or the hospital. We're all here for you, darling.

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  • Posted

    Hey Emma, I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this and feel like you have lots of people against you. This isn't the case. Can I ask how old you are? 

    I get the dreaded feeling of guilt as if I have done something wrong when I've not but you have to just keep telling yourself that you have not done anything wrong. As for people who don't have the time for you when you're feeling this was and for the ones that you feel are bullying you, I would get rid of them. If people can make you feel that way just imagine how good you would feel not having them or their negitivity flying around you all of the time.  

    I would reccomend speaking to your doctor or a close friend that you know you can depend on. The worse thing is keeping all these feelings and thoughts to yourself. It really does help to share and I'm glad that you've looked online for advice too. 

    When I lost my brother 2 years ago to suicide I became really anxious and depressed, I didn't leave the house and I didn't want to go back to work. I took up walking. I went on my own at first that way I could clear my head then after a week I invited a friend along and we continued to walk every day. We walked for anything between 1-4 hours. I found just going out and getting fresh air and doing some walking helped me fight back. I still have my moments, I'm not saying that I'm fixed but I find that I may have a bad day every few weeks or even months but the good days now outweigh the bad. 

    Chin up love, You will get through this.

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